Published March 21, 2007
*Content deleted*
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,623 Literary Works • 673,564 Reviews
HAHA! I liked this! A lot!
You describe the jam in a comic way, and still we can see it, sitting there, all alone and sticky and..hahaha!
Just change the title to something like "Ode to Jam". Only "Jam" is rather too plain for this poem.
Heehee. ^_^ I love your poems, Goldie. "Monsters Under my Bed" and "Jam".
I have absolutely nothing to add to the above, and this is turning into the horrid crit of the kind I abhor, so I would only suggest to replace one of the "sticky"s with something else, though you might not want to do that because it might botch the lovely rhythm you've got going here. ^_^
This is fabulously simple and short.
It made me laugh and want to read it all over again - which I did, because I'm a loon.
What I will say is though... Will you add some more? There is a lovely simplicity about the shortness of this, but I think that if you added some more, it would be so great; that I'd have to read it three times!
Oh my gosh, short and sweet!
I really like your style of writing. I have read your poem about monsters under the bed too and i liked that just as much.
Your writings rather random and comical.
I hope you post more. xD
The rhyming is super too.
x
That was a good poem. It was a bit short but because it was short it was good. I think if you had extended it it would've been a completely different poem. I like the way you make it rhyme. I am not very good at rhyming so i could use some tips.
Goldie-
Hehe Crysi is right...it's a great rhythm and it's 'cute', although I frown on the use of cute is describing literature--it works here though.
However, I think I might like it better if there were a little story behind it like your other poems...a narrative.
Thanks for a smile.
Meg
*laughs* This just completely made my day. Honestly.
It's very cute, you have a nice rhyme scheme going on, and the best part: you know how to keep rhythm! The first two lines are shorter (in syllables) than the rest of the poem, so they almost lead you in, and then it's sticky chaos 'til the end!
Gah. I cannot tell you how much this made me smile. I love it!
Really like it-
It would make a great song for a feast in a book (I'm not sure what you were planning to use it for) and it was very funny.
10/10!
lol! it makes me laugh!
Really random,
But makes me laugh!