Published March 24, 2007
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
Two things:
1. I adore "Sentiments cease to make sense"
2. It was lovely.
haha, that was great- definitely captured the feeling!
LOL!!!!
just great!!!!
i loved it!!!!!
i liked the riming too
it reminds me of someone......
try posting more like this!
vince
Lol. I liked this. Your rhyming couplets are great, and I love how the story progresses. You have a great style. If I'm nitpicking, I'd say reduce the number of "eee"s, so you can fit them all on the one line and not break the whole couplet thing. Overall, this was very enjoyable.
I liked this! Ha! Oh, the satire. The first sentence drew me in completely. I loved all the rhymes in this poem, only one felt a bit forced.
You sit for an hour. No words come. Not one.
The life of an author! How joyful! What fun!
Maybe if you do this:
"You sit for an hour: no words come, not one.
The life of an author--how joyful and fun!
The statement you want, the incredible thought,
is hiding behind the stiff headache you've got.
This part didn't work well for me, as I didn't like how you rhymed 'thought' with 'got. It just messed up the flow and made it skip a beat.
You sit for an hour. No words come. Not one.
The life of an author! How joyful! What fun!
These last two lines don't fit anywhere in with the flow or rhythm of the poem and tend to dim the ending.
BUT, I loved this writing style if I'm honest and it worked well for me, apart from the two corrections above. I loved your interpretation of writers block and I am pretty sure we've all been there!
Another good poem.
I have nothing bad to say about it. lol
Your writing style is ace!
x
I liked this poem as well! However, I think I liked the monster one a little better. The structure I think works well for you, but the only thing I'm really not crazy about is the use of "you" throughout the entire poem. I try hard not to do this on my poetry and sometimes fail, but I think by writing 'about' but not really 'to' another person--"you"--it makes the reader confused on whether it's supposed to be about them or about you (of course, that could just be because I'm a crazy English major who gets reemed for "you"). But, that is my suggestion. I think I liked your monster poem better because the way it was written was perfect for the subject--and children. I think this one may need maybe a little more depth?
Good work!
WM
Would it be polite just to say I liked it? I feel as though I'm saying that a lot though. I think that this is one of the better poems I've read on here. I think I liked it so much because I could relate to it. Very nice.
oh... how true. I can spend an hour on a couple of paragraphs. The words just don't come out right!
Very nice. I can't write poems... they deteriorate into stories when I'm not looking.
I liked the rhyming, too many poems seem forced and don't flow right for the sake of rhyme.
Ah! Those eeeeeeeee's! They pop up when your trying to think. I liked that line.
Yours,
Nutty
Nice Goldie.
You're very good at using this two line couplet form. The use of rhyme doesn't distort what you are trying to get over at all, it makes all the better to read in fact.
Probably my favourite line of the poem, how I hate those headaches!
Only thing for me and it's more of a personal opinion is that the last two don't seem to fit in as well as the rest.
Lovely piece
Another great poem, Goldie!
There's strong rhythym here, and easy rhyming - things I always find difficult.
-ShadowTwit