A silly work called Monsters Under My Bed

Ive come to do two things 1) apologize because i just posted a poem with the same title (without the happy ending) but i didnt see this and im really sorry 2) to tell you this is the best poem i have ever read! It reminds me of those in calvin and hobbes! sorries and compliments vince

Wow! This is my kind of poem to be honest...

It's funny, it's childish and it's simple to understand.

This is really great and i think you should try get it published in one of these childrens poems and stories books.

I aren't even going to try and comment on the techincal stuff of poetry because i know nothing about that...but anyways

Great job, well done.

x

Ha, this is actually really good and it made me laugh, super loads. I like how you make the verses jump from one to the other, quite abruptly, but this works well with this piece and makes me want to ask, will there be more on a different kind of childish structure?

I found that when I hit the sixth and seventh set of lines though, the flow was hard to grab onto and it seemed forced. Maybe this is just because I am reading it all wrong, but just read it back to yourself to make sure.

Other than that, I really liked this and in the future, it might be the kind of thing I'd find in books to read to my own children. =]


I also write poems like these, check out my Hidden and Playtime poems, which are simple and childish, the kind you'd find in children's reading books.

I'm no poet, but I enjoy reading it sometimes. I'm new and this is the first poem I have read here but I have to say...It's really good. It made me chuckle and I needed that today. Thank you for that.

Lol. This was great, very funny. I think the second line needs another syllabyl. Maybe choose an adjective with two syllabyls, and say "(adjective) monsters lurk under my bed."
I love the couplets, they were skillfully done, and helped with the pace and the tone.
I'm not sure about "You're frightening all of us out of our hair." It sounded a little forced.
Maybe say "save for" instead of "aside from" as it flows better.
This was a lovely story, and the couplets were a great touch. You developed it very well, and I loved the ending.

Love this poem! Its a great childs rhyme!

very cool i love it lol

lol...

all I have to say is

Wow this was really good. And to think I almost thought the kid was going to be eaten hehe i really loved how it flowed.

"What is it?" They scream, "Will it eat us, I wonder?"
They rise in a second, cast china asunder.

I really liked this poem. It's funny, easy to understand and has a great rhyming scheme .
By the way I love the word "asunder".

Hey, thanks, guys!

Thank you also, Sumi, for pointing out my grammar mistake. How embarassing!

I'm glad you liked it.

Goldie

If you have been jumping around and checking out other, past critiques done by both snoink and I, you'd see how 'lavishly' we deal out praise...you really have a good piece here. I'm very impressed.

You might consider trying to publish this in a children's literary magazine something. It's good!

Ha! Very funny!

"We're hungry!" They bellow, "It's time for a meal!"
I hug my stuffed teddy. "Don't eat me!" I squeal.

...and...

"What is it?" They scream, "Will it eat us, I wonder?"
They rise in a second, cast china asunder.

Those are my favourite bits! Nice beat to it as well, and I liked the rhyming in it.

-ShadowTwit

I actually REALLY like this! It's definitely a nice pace change from the usual depression poetry here .

It made me laugh, but it was actually written very well also. I feel like it belongs in a S.S. book!

Good job!

Ciao,
Meg

That was great! It made me laugh. I like how the poem shifts. It was amazing. Please write more!
Ryan

Please tell me you've read the Calvin and Hobbes comic.
Perfect. I love it.
One thing: ""Heaven's, no!"" should be "Heavens, no!". Or else it is, "Heaven is, no!"
Thanks for making me laugh.

~Sumi