Foreward Dreams
I like to think of myself
as a lover, and a fighter,
a revolution man,
so to speak.
And in my eyes, I am
but then I step,
back to earth
And I realize that,
I'm just like everyone else,
Lost
Living Today
Here in the world
we strive and fight
just to survive
And never look foreward,
and never look back
bearing the weight of reality
we continue to march,
onward day by day
Yesterday's Memories
The brilliant dreams
of yesteryear
now forever cold
we relish the thoughts
of our youth
know that they are
much beyond our reach
we can never know what
tomorrow may bring,
but we know what yesterday has brought.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Thank you both, yes my rhyme scheme is scattered and inconsistant, but its kool, and I like short poems, thes three are meant to be a set. and i might use a bit more imagery, i might not though. I will probably shelve these for a month or three at least, then look at them again. If anyone else has comments, you're wlecome to reply.
Peace.
Hey there!
There's not much left to say since elephantwalrus said it all.
These poems are short, but nice too read. You did a good job, but you better watch the length of the poems, because short poems don't always work, and most times are too vague.
Pontuation would, for sure, help.
I didn't find any grammar mistakes, but something could have slipped (I'm not English).
the rhyming was good. it didn't seem you had a definite scheme. That sometimes doesn't work out, but you did a good job here.
So, I think it's all said, good work and keep writing!
Your insights are thoughtful and refreshing, but perhaps a bit vague in "Living Today" and "Yesterday's Memories." I'd also suggest that you consider combining some of the lines and augmenting all the poems; you have some nice ideas that you could accentuate with nice images and other literary elements.
I really want to drive that imagery aspect back home, because you have some nice thoughts, but without an image, that's all they are. Some critics will not call pieces without imagery poetry. You seem to have the beginnings of some images here, like "of our youth / know that they are /much beyond our reach," or "but then I step, / back to earth..." Tell me more. You are on the verge of spilling some great imagery with those lines, but then you stop. Sometimes there is a purpose to stopping the imagery, but in this case, I think it impedes the poems.
My final input is that you do not need to fear punctuation. In these poems, I assume you were using poetic licence, which I respect, but remember that frequent line breaks without punctuation accelerate the speed of the poem. I was flying through "Yesterday's Memories." Help the reader relish your work with pre-planned breaks for air and thought.
All in all, good job. I think you have done well in trying to keep these poems succinct, but some more detail and imagery will not harm them. Some brilliant punctuation might also increase the effectiveness of these poems. Other then that, well done! These were pleasant to read.