A Moonlit Storm
Black skeletal tree branches cast shadows on the wall
They sway casually in the late night's breeze
I lay in the bed by the window, looking up high in the sky
Clouds swim over the half moon
As they pass, they cast an illusion, like the moon is dissipating
He's still here, like some warm ghost
I can still feel his touch, his kiss, my hands in his hair
Flashes of light show me that the storm is coming soon
I welcome the rain, because it's the closest to him right now
My wind will bring the tempestuous clouds to me
Rain and wind, dancing around together in a passion
The fire of the lightning sets them off
All that can compare to my love for him is this moonlit storm
I know that he is asleep now, and maybe he's really here with me
He comes to me like a wizard, appearing in the shadows so quietly
I pretend that this bed is occupying two, and that his hands touch my face
I loose myself in this dream, and suddenly the spell of sleep overcomes me
The storm has brought him to me
I know he has come to me and has taken me away
Away, to a place where we can call our own
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
It was well written and I enjoyed the descriptions you gave, definitely added some emotion there. The line breaks annoyed me though, you could've added it all together or form stanza's. It looks a bit "immature" the way it is now.
Your first line was mysterious which made the reader continue, that's well done
Overall, a nice read, nice title.
Keep writing
Cheerios, Chandni
I too like the imagery of the storm. Perhaps though, you should make more of the fact that it's building up through the poem.
I love the first line, it's an excellent way to start a poem; it's mysterious and has a forebearing of death if you now what I mean. Certainly makes the reader want to read on.
I find that there's a lack of full stops. Is that done on purpose to have a certain effect? If not, you should really add them in so that it can be read more easily.
Overall, it's very romantic and well written.
This poem has a very good mood and tone to it. I could sense the narrater's emotions and her longing/confusion about whether he was with her still or not. I liked the comparison of her love to the storm, which was still moonlit even though there would have been clouds and rain. (Did you mean to do that? Even if not, "Moonlit Storm" sounds very nice.)
Maybe this is supposed to be "lose myself" instead of "loose myself"?
I think it would sound better if you said "a place that we can call our own" because it doesn't sound like you're talking about calling the place your own when you use "where".
In the fifth line, "dissipating" seems to disrupt the flow of the poem. The four syllables don't fit very well into the line. Maybe you could use it in another line or find a smoother synonym to use.
Good job!
~Twinflower