White Ravens

Thank you everyone! I love getting feedback!

i realllyyyy liked the ending half of this peom. The begining half was good, but the rythm was a bit chunky and got off track a few times. But other than that, lovely eye-catching words and imagery

I truly enjoyed this poem. It just sucked me in and I could see all the scenes. Your imagery is magnifique. Keep up the great work. =)

Thank you! That's what every poet wants to hear.

That was awesome! I loved it. It was sad, and reminded me of the past. Maybe that's why it's so good, because it hit something inside of me too and I felt as if I were you.

Wow, this was so...readable! I really liked it. It was awesome! There was one thing I didn't like but now I can't remember what it is! lol...guess it mustn't have been that important. Totally keep writing!

Thank you so much. This poem, by far, took the longest to write because of the pattern.

WOW...this has to be one of the best poems i have read so far, yes it is long but as you read more and more it just keeps pulling into the poem, its amazing. I could actually see the story that you were telling, I could feel the emotions and the fear and the pain but also i could feel the strong bond between the couple. The way you manage to keep to the theme of "darkness" and the sense of death throughout the whole poem was amazing, your diction was spot on:)

This poem gave me goosebumps, well done:)

Wow, thank you. I don't write a lot a ballads, so I'm really glad this one turned out well.

Oh my god. This is one of those rare and amazingly dark, if I may say, ballads that I wish I could either hear more of this poem and or have written it myself. To me, there is no higher praise. I love this.

Thank you! My objective was to write a longer poem, but with a type of flow that would keep the reader interested.

I don't usually have the patience to read such long poems, or the interest to read them for that matter, but this poem was captivating. Your language and imagery gave the poem a certain feel that I can't shake off after reading it..truly amazingly written. Something I would enjoy reading more than once! Writing poetry is clearly one of your talents, well done!

(By the way, I hate ravens -- They creep me out..haha)

Hey GoaGreena, Error404 here!

Oh, I quite liked it... loved it, actually! It was written beautifully from start to finish and I can't think of anything more to add to what the other memebers have already said. I ADORE the way you write and I'm a big fan of this poem. The line that I favour most would have to be:

And the ravens, they gathered,
white ravens, they flew
just like bright ash
in a chimney flue.

Thank you. I thought that whole 'shrill cry call' line just needed another syllable so that's why I added the call.

Hi GoaGreena,

This was an engaging poem. I loved the refrain, "But he held my hand close/and I stayed on firm ground./No slipping or falling,/no hell-hounds around." It brought to mind dark, celtic-ey things. Ha, ha. If that makes any sense.

We were walking down
a midnight road,
the stars were new
but now they're old.
He took my hand
and held it close.
The skies were bleeding,
raining ghosts.

I heard a single
shrill cry call,
the kind of call
that makes you fall

But he held my hand close

And the ravens, they gathered,
white ravens, they flew
just like bright ash
in a chimney flue.

And the moon rose high,
casting its shadow,
blinking its eye,
watching the ravens

Thank you very much! I guess it's okay that it's long. I always write long poems, I guess I just got used to the form I often use.

Thank you!

WOW this poem kept me reading on and on and i didnt even realize how long it was until i was finished and looked back at what i had read this is simply amazing. the rhyming scheme was perfect and the stanzas were set up in such a way that it flowed and i didnt even realize that i was reading a huge poem. not saying big is bad what so ever. point in case this poem. very long very dark very beautiful

Lexi wrote:that is awsome!
how on earth do you manage to write for that long without it turning to drivel?
Yours truly
"that person who can't write poems that are more than a page long"

that is awsome!
how on earth do you manage to write for that long without it turning to drivel?
Yours truly
"that person who can't write poems that are more than a page long"

OOH

Hi, I loved this, poem, the shortness of the sentances, and the powerful, meaning, that is slightly misunderstood in some poeples view was amazing. The complexity of such a simple poem is quite incredible.

Hayley x

I don't write many short poems. I prefer long ones, that way you can voice everything and only get the poeple who truly like your work to read it. But that's just me, short poems are alright too.

GoaGreena wrote:I wrote this a long time ago but I thought it was okay. It's a little dark, just warning you.


We were walking down
a midnight road,
the stars were new
but now they're old.
He took my hand
and held it close.
The skies were bleeding,
raining ghosts.

I heard a single
shrill cry call,
the kind of call
that makes you fall
and slip into
the land beyond,
the dreaming land
of mist and cloud,
the hazy land
where hell-hounds are found.

But held my hand close
and I stayed on firm ground.
No slipping or falling,
no hell-hounds around.

We watched as a raven
flew past our heads,
calling and calling,
soon its voice will be dead.

And, still, he held my hand close
and I stayed on firm ground.
No slipping or falling,
no hell-hounds around.

And the ravens, they gathered,
white ravens, they flew
just like bright ash
in a chimney flue.

And the moon rose high,
casting its shadow,
blinking its eye,
watching the ravens,
ravens, white ravens,
watching the ravens
crying their cry.

But he held my hand close
and I stayed on firm ground,
no slipping or falling,
no hell-hounds around.

The feathers, they fell
off the tails of the birds.
The feathers, they floated
away like my words.

And the midnight shadows
danced and they fell.
Were they running away?
I couldn't tell.

But he held my hand close,
still here on firm ground,
no slipping, no falling,
no hell-hounds around.

The ravens, they dived,
the ravens they dove,
ravens, white ravens,
right past my bones.

They went straight for him,
eyes, red as blood,
they continued to come,
pouring in like a flood.

And he fell and he fell,
and he rose and he rose,
but the ravens kept coming,
holding their pose.

So I held his hand close,
but firm ground was long gone,
he was slipping and falling.
What could I have done?

He took one last breath
and said in my ear;
"I love you,
I love you,
please do not fear."

But the ravens were circling,
the ravens were there,
the ravens, white ravens.
How could they dare?

His hand was slipping,
falling and falling.
The ravens were done.
They'd finished their calling.

And though he was gone,
though the night faded to grey,
his words, they still lingered,
forever they'd stay.

I watched as the sun
rose bright and round.
I wonder if it knew
that terror had come down.

As the dawn struck me,
as the clouds danced,
and the colours sung,
I knew it was forever
that he'd be gone.

But his words were still there,
still inside my ear;
"I love you, I love you,
please do not fear."

And so I live on,
for each and every day
As long as I continue
to let those words play.

I love this poem but one thing I found was
I watched as the sunrose bright and round.
I wonder if it knew that
terror had come 'round.
Maybe you should change 'round to a different word because you have used it twice in that bit.

Other than that I love it real good use of description I could really see what was going on.

This is an amazing poem im a big fan of it =]