The Beauty in Sorrow

Hey there. Let me start by saying this is really well written.

Okay, now..

There is something profoundly beautiful about sadness,
a longing for a loss, gazing at the moon,
eyes closed but still seeing, *I agree with cm57105 on this part, it's really good!
mouth ajar in a painful moan,
singing the song of sorrow.

Tears roll down your cheeks,
and you find you cannot stand,
fall to your knees and clutch your chest, *here, maybe you should either put "you" in front of fall, or maybe change fall to falling?
the pain is just too much!
Gunshots, stabwounds cannot compare
to the deepest ache of dispare. *These two lines. Are. My. Favorite. Part. Of. This. <3

The stars are cold, the moon alone
in the depth of a black abyss.
Sight is not an option,
the world is but a blur.
Let the rain fall. *The rain kind of took away from the whole idea of the piece..
Let the drops drench,
let the sky weep,
weep along with you. *But the sky part brings it together, so it works anyway

So dark and so cold,
so alone, locked away,
you do not have the key.
There's no door to break down.
And you drown. *Really don't have anything to say here, haha. This part is GOOD.
Drenched in rain, in tears, in sorrow,
you struggle, struggle to hold on,
to surface, to breathe,
but in the end you are suffocated,
suffocated by the profound beauty of sadness. *I like how you say again about the profound beauty of sadness. The repitition makes it obvious how you feel..

Anyways, great great great GREAT job writing this.

Never stop writing. <3

~Lindsey.

Hi,

Well first of all, is was an amazing poem, nothing I will say can change that.

REVIEW

There is something profoundly beautiful about sadness,
a longing for a loss, gazing at the moon,
eyes closed but still seeing, ( I really liked the 'still seeing' bit, very emotional.)
mouth ajar in a painful moan,
singing the song of sorrow. ( very good use of 'sorrow')

Tears roll down your cheeks,
and you find you cannot stand,
fall to your knees and clutch your chest, ( I think before the 'fall' at the start you need a 'you')
the pain is just too much!
Gunshots, stabwounds cannot compare
to the deepest ache of dispare. ( good use of dispare)

The stars are cold, the moon alone
in the depth of a black abyss.
Sight is not an option,
the world is but a blur.
Let the rain fall.
Let the drops drench,
let the sky weep,
weep along with you. ( very good)

So dark and so cold,
so alone, locked away,
you do not have the key. ( I agree with ImHero on this, a bit over loaded)
There's no door to break down.
And you drown.
Drenched in rain, in tears, in sorrow,
you struggle, struggle to hold on,
to surface, to breathe,
but in the end you are suffocated,
suffocated by the profound beauty of sadness.

Very good, I would LOVE to see more!

CM





,

The rain and the key kinda took this poem away from me. A bit over-used. I love the first stanza though.

It makes me sorrowful the meaning is deep and packed enough to move the soul. Good job.