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Prologue: Mother's Medicine

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Once the water shone like glass, clear as truth before it passed.
They blessed it, sealed it, let it flow, said, ‘drink and you will never know.’
Sleep, my dear, don’t ask why—the wells ran dry, the voices died.
Rock-a-bye on pipes of stone.
The water knows. 
T
he water knows.”

The familiar melody floated through the air, a lullaby so delicate for something so twisted. But beauty had always been favorable to what lay beneath it.

“Haven, darling, have you decided what animal you’d like to be?” The hushed whisper of Kala’s voice tickled Haven’s ears, making her giggle. The little girl pushed Kala’s face away, smiling as she wiggled her feet. “A paradise bird,” she said proudly. Kala continued braiding Haven’s long strawberry-blonde locks, her smile sweet at first, then slowly tightening.

“Only regular people can have bird wings, honey,” she reminded her daughter, watching the little six-year-old carefully. “Remember, you’re special.”

“Being special is better,” Haven said, glancing up at her mother for approval, uncertain.

“You’re learning. Very good, Havey.” Kala tied off the finished braid with a ribbon. Her gaze drifted around the lavish room, searching for one of her servants. “Vienna!” she called sharply, releasing Haven’s hair as she stood. She moved toward the open doorway, peering down the long hallway. No servants. And several paintings looked dull, unpolished. Such a hassle, having nice things.

Haven darted into the hallway, nearly tripping when her mother caught her arm. “Mommy, that hurts!” she whined, twisting away. Kala sighed and crouched to her level. “It’s almost time for your medicine, my dear.” She’d said it dozens of times before. Nearly every day.

Haven’s lips puckered into a pout. “I don’t like taking my medicine,” she complained, tugging at her arm. “Well, if you want to be special, then you have to take it.” Kala kept her smile in place, though her patience was thinning. “I don’t care! I want to go play with Maurice!” Haven protested, dropping toward the floor.

“I already told you, Haven, don’t go near Maurice. He’s paid to run the estate, not entertain you.” Kala snapped, the hiss creeping into her voice despite her effort to restrain it. “I don’t have time for tantrums. VIENNA!” She glanced down both ends of the hall. A maid hurried around the corner moments later. “What took you so long, Vienna?”

“I–I’m sorry, Mrs. Hemmings!” the girl cried, bowing hastily. “Mr. Hemmings needed me for business, but I came as soon as I could.” Kala dismissed the excuse with an eye roll and lifted Haven into her arms, the child momentarily subdued. “Prepare the laboratory,” she said coolly. “And be quick.”

“Yes- right away, Mrs. Hemmings,” Vienna answered, bowing again before rushing off.

Kala exhaled sharply, rubbing her temples as she carried Haven down the corridor. “Does Vienna need medicine?” Haven asked, absently twirling a loose strand of her mother’s hair.

Kala’s lips tightened, just for a moment, before easing back into a smile. “No, my dear. She needs a different kind of medicine. Or better yet, class. But some people simply can’t afford it.” She lifted a finger beneath Haven’s chin. “No one else will ever have medicine like yours. I’ll make sure of that.”

Haven wasn’t listening anymore, distracted by the loose hairs in her braid.

“You are the only one who gets Mommy’s special medicine,” Kala continued as they approached the laboratory wing. Her hand slid to her back pocket, fingers closing around something familiar. “Do you know why that is, Haven?”

Haven glanced up at her mother, then down again, shaking her head faintly.

“Because you’re special.”

Kala withdrew the syringe. Haven looked up at her mother once more, then back at the needle, eyes widening. “Hold still for Mommy,” Kala murmured gently as she slid the needle into Haven’s arm and pressed the plunger down.

Kala held her as the girl blinked slowly, her body going slack, eyelids fluttering shut. “This is all for you, Havey,” she whispered. “All for you.” She stepped up to the reinforced door, twisting latch after latch. The panel hummed, a section sliding aside to reveal a fingerprint scanner. Kala pressed her finger against the cold glass. The light flashed green.

The door groaned and slid open, revealing a descending staircase swallowed by darkness.

“When you’re ready,” Kala murmured, stepping forward, “you’ll thank me.”

She disappeared into the abyss.

Comments & reviews · 5
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Fishr
Comment

Hi!

So, there was a lot of telling the reader what was happening instead of using description to show us, and let us connect. For example:

“ Kala continued braiding Haven’s long strawberry-blonde locks, her smile sweet at first, then slowly tightening.”

This sentence tells us nothing really about the character, how she thinks, her quirks, a detailed description about how she could be so much more interesting for us to know about her.

Two examples of a more dynamic description:
1. Kala didn't look up, her gaze fixed on the intricate weave she was creating. "I just want it to be perfect," she replied, her voice steady but lacking its earlier warmth. She adjusted a stray strand, tucking it firmly into the braid. "If one piece is out of place, the whole thing loses its shape."

2. Kala continued braiding Haven’s long strawberry-blonde locks, her smile sweet at first, then slowly tightening. She focused intensely on the pattern, her fingers moving with a precision that bordered on obsessive.

Telling the reader stuff is easy. Crafting, painting a picture for them is difficult and takes time and careful thought. I’m definitely guilty myself. The art of creative writing is vulnerably so don’t be afraid to let loose. Thank you for sharing!

User avatar
Fishr
Review
Fishr wrote a review · Sat Feb 14, 2026 11:41 pm

double post

That poem at the beginning was wonderful! Chef's kiss.

I was very entertained reading this. This is an interesting story. I couldn't find any errors, but I think I'll leave my thoughts.

Right off the bat, this Kala person is giving me villain vibes, though I could be wrong. This little girl, Haven, I'm guessing is going to be the main character. Again, I could be wrong.

One thing I might suggest is separating the different dialogues in paragraphs, unless that's a style choice. I had a tiny bit of trouble following who was speaking at what time, but was able to follow along very well. But again, if that's a style choice, you can ignore this.

I don't have anything else to say. This is a good prologue and definitely makes me want to read the rest of this book/novel. Keep up the good work, it'll be interesting to see what you write with this story next. I like it!

I love all of your theories, and who knows, some of them might be correct ;), but I guess you'll just have to come back and see when I post chapter one (which will hopefully be before the end of this month)

Thank you for the feedback and review!

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Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review · Thu Feb 12, 2026 10:41 am

*sees the cover* Ohh this is gonna be horror, isn’t it? =D Well then, let’s find out how far Kala is going to go!


I already find the intro poem very fascinating! I feel like it sets a certain mood – especially with the “drink it and you will never know”. Hmmm I wonder if this is about blissful ignorance then…

And from this sentence here: “But beauty had always been favorable to what lay beneath it.“ It might actually mean to hide over the ugliness underneath, to forget what truly is…

“Only regular people can have bird wings,“ Oh this implies so much. The MCs do not count as regular ppl in this world. Is the setting grounded and they belong to an oppressed group/minority? Is the setting fantastical and we are dealing with shifters—but unusual shifters that cannot be birds? Or are we sci-fi AIs pretending to be humans? I am curious!
Ohhh never mind, we are royalty then, that’s why “regular people”. I didn’t even think of that!

Haven’s lips puckered into a pout. “I don’t like taking my medicine,” she complained, tugging at her arm. “Well, if you want to be special, then you have to take it.” Kala kept her smile in place, though her patience was thinning. “I don’t care! I want to go play with Maurice!” Haven protested, dropping toward the floor.
Okay this paragraph is a bit harder to read since you have both mom and daughter speaking in it. Better to give each speaker their own paragraph, trust me 😊

Oh we are hissing when we get angry, huh Kala? Are we dealing with lizard ppl that rule the world? I am so intrigued!

Uhm where does she take the syringe from? We haven’t really reached the laboratory yet so… she is still holding the kid but also somehow getting the syringe? Why didn’t she wait until they are in the lab and she didn’t have to hold her up to use it? And if she wanted to use the syringe before they reach the lab---why not do it back in her room? I am confused.

That is a really intriguing prologue! I really like your writing style too-it felt like I had all the necessary information and the descriptions were usually on point and didn’t overstay their welcome. I have so many questions and am curious to see if the story will answer them 😊

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Thanks for the review! To clear it up, she was holding Haven in one arm kind of on her hip? I don't know how to describe it but I do it all the time (I work with kids) and her other hand was free. As for your other questions, you'll have to keep reading to see ;)

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the ghastly S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Haven wants to get wings, but Kala says that she won’t get wings and that instead, she will get her “medicine”. This medicine is not explained and so, now I’m worried about what might happen to Haven now…

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I don’t know who disappeared into the abyss. Was it Kala or Haven?

Chocolate Bar - I love the way you wrote Kala and Haven’s interactions. It feels like Haven trusts Kala…maybe too much. The vague hints of Haven being “special” like Kala makes me think that something sinister is going to happen or is happening and it feels like being “special” isn’t special at all. But unfortunately, I don’t think Haven knows that…

Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a very spooky and suspenseful prologue! I enjoyed reading this and I will be sure to read more when this story gets updated. Haven might suffer later on and so…

I wish you a splendid day/night! ^v^

Thank you for your review!! ^v^



No one achieves anything alone.
— Leslie Knope