“I, Peace Norepine Phrine, hereby pledge my life to Hope Beam Phrine, promising her my companionship for all time. I grant you one God Favor, where no matter the situation or circumstances, that favor will be fulfilled.” A pair of big, silver eyes watch her sister with her pinky outstretched.
A childish grin adorns the twin sister’s faces as they sit together in the dark, twining pinkies together. They mirror the other in almost every feature, except for one defining attribute. Hope had a matching silver right eye, resembling Peace’s, while her left eye was an enchanting almond brown color.
If they both closed their eyes there was no way to tell the two apart, since they insisted on wearing matching outfits and having their inky black hair styled impossibly identically.
Hope giggled quietly, the memory of their childhood playing on. “I, Hope Beam Phrine-” Suddenly, the sisters transformed from children into teenagers, the memory shifting to a more recent moment. More specifically, a time when the girls were 15 years and 364 days old. Their posture remained the same, sitting criss-cross apple-sauce in the darkness, both pinkies outstretched but no longer interlocked. They stared each other down, a grim determination set in the older twins' features as she held out her hand for Peace to shake.
“-call upon the God Favor bestowed upon me by Peace Norepine Phrine. The contract states that the inability to complete the terms requested will result in any punishment deemed fit by the requester.
“These are the requirements you must fulfill. No matter the results of The Selection, we stick together. Even if only one of us gets in, we will both stay behind. These are the conditions of the God Favor.”
“I understand.”
Peace reached for her sister’s hand, her fingers instead closing around a paper envelope that crinkled and crumpled in her tight grasp. She looked back where Hope had been a moment before, blinking at the darkness that had now replaced her sister. Peace’s eyes went back to the slightly crushed envelope imprisoned in her grip, sucking in a breath quietly.
The envelope looked completely ordinary except for her name which was spelled out in gold letters on the envelope's surface. It seemed to be calling her name as she gingerly uncurled her fingers, straightening the stressed paper.
“Peace!”
Peace hooked a finger under the top of the envelope’s fold, biting her lip when her name was called again. As she ripped the envelope open her name got louder.
“PEACE!”
Her eyes shot open, staring up at the familiar face hanging above her own, the lips of her twin sister brandishing a stupid grin. “Did you open your letter yet?” Peace’s eyes trailed lazily down to where the crumpled envelope lay in her hand. Around where her name in gold was displayed, she could see creases from where she had squeezed the letter in both real life and the dream.
“No. We’re doing it together. You know we are.” A small, nervous and almost false smile twitched at her lips.
Why couldn’t I have finished my nap…
“Well the party starts in like, an hour! We need to get ready! I’m so excited, I really think we’ll both get in! The first Phrine children to pass the selection!” She laughed giddily, grabbing her younger sister’s arm and dragging her out of bed.
“Is everything else ready?” Peace asked before setting her letter on the nightstand, eyeing it like it would disappear if she looked away as she stretched. “Almost! Mama is finishing the cake and Dad is finishing up decorations with the others,” The elder twin answered, digging through their shared closet to find her dress.
After a moment of looking, Hope pulled her dress off the rack of clothes, letting out a quiet squeal as she held it against her body. A friend had made it for her as an early birthday present. Peace had seen her sister trying it on, and it was safe to say that the dress suited the older twin perfectly. The fabric was long enough to drag on the floor and it hugged her figure in all the right places, showing off a slit around her knee. The dress had metallic shimmer to it and depending on the lighting it was either a reflective silver or gleaming bronze in color. It was as close to a color changing dress as you could get, with the base color being bronze but practically every other strand being silver.
Gold embroidery was showcased on the off-shoulder neckline of the dress, adding a touch of contrast for whatever color the dress was.
Peace helped her Hope slip into the dress, slowly and carefully zipping up her sister.
Her sister had always been the sun to her moon. She shone brightly in a way that no one could ignore, in a way that slightly…overshadowed her younger sister. Peace had always loved Hope, but so had everyone else. It made achievements particularly difficult at times.
The younger girl shook the thoughts away as she stepped back, gasping softly when the elder girl twirled. “Aw….Hope…it’s so beautiful, it looks….so you,”
So perfect.
She didn’t have long to contemplate if that last thought was out of pride or jealousy before Hope had pulled out the other dress. Peace’s dress. A slow, true smile spread on her face as she took the dress, gently running a hand down its smooth fabric.
It was similar to Hope’s dress because it changed color, but it shifted from black and silver instead of bronze and silver. It was almost identical to her sister's dress, which made it more perfect since that was the dynamic of the twins. Almost a duplicate of each other.
It had a semi-sweetheart illusion neckline and sheer puffy, shoulderless sleeves that went down to her wrists. Even the sleeves were still color changing, but since they were see-through it was harder to notice.
Sixteenth birthdays were a BIG deal in Krendia, so the parties were always bold and sometimes extravagant if you could afford it.
Turning sixteen marked you an adult in a sense, as it opened up doors that had restricted entry. It marked the door everyone wanted to pass through. The Selection.
Back in 2067, scientists started experimenting with ways to advance the human race. One scholar who was suspended from the advancement of the human research team, due to no empathy for his “patients”, Jantise Morango, discovered a special gene in a mutated rat.
He found that it gave the rat a unique adaptability to the elements of nature. If injected with a complex serum it could take on abilities and characteristics to have complete control over man made elements. He further studied the rat in secret, eventually experimenting on how to transfer the rat's gene into humans.
His first son, Woohan Morango, was the first human to successfully receive the gene transfer. Jantise was undergoing IVF treatments with his wife to fight infertility, and unbeknownst to Jenna, his wife, Morango inserted the gene into the embryo’s. His son was born weak and sickly, but after some tests when Woohan was four, Morango found that his son had inherited the rat gene.
After this, he goes through several more IVF treatments with his wife, tweaking and testing the formula to perfect it.
Jenna delivers more children as Jantise experiments with the formula in an effort to keep the children containing the rat gene healthy when they arrived. Several victims of Morango’s meddling, resulting in stillborns and disfigured children later, he succeeds. When she delivers her last three children completely healthy and it’s confirmed that they have the rat gene, he deems his formula complete.
As he grows older he starts compiling all the forms needed to prove his discovery. Morango ensures that his children extend the family line to spread the gene. A week before his death, he mails a stack of evidence of the gene’s existence to his former research team. It includes all the information on the gene, how it advances humans, how to keep the gene alive and how to spread it.
He even includes incriminating evidence of his interference with the IVF treatment, and proof of the gene in his children.
While people were shocked, they also recognized what he had accomplished and named him a “Psychopathic genius."
Krendia accepted this gene as their own, but soon lost a quarter of their population since only children strong enough to bear the gene survived birth. They then tweaked the gene so that it would only attach itself to the embryo’s who could withstand it.
That’s where The Selection comes in.
The Selection is a government program that tests adolescents for the adaptable gene, which is more commonly called the Morango Gene. Being tested on the first day of the sixteenth year will provide the clearest, most accurate results, and being tested on your exact sixteenth birthday is mandatory.
At a scheduled time you head inside The Selection building where they proceed to take your blood before you step into a mirrored room. You’re completely surrounded by your reflection, which disguises the scanners that sit behind the glass reflectors.
They send invisible beams out from all sides, an advanced version of an x-ray if you will. After a couple minutes you’re released from the chamber and are handed an envelope with the results inside. It's always a plain envelope with your name written in gold.
Like the one I’ll open tonight.
A cluster of fluttering butterflies erupted in Peace’s stomach as she stared at herself in the mirror, swallowing quietly. She ran her hands down her sides, feeling the silky fabric embrace her figure.
Am I an adult now?
Is this what being an adult feels like?
“Oh my goodness- Peace! You look gorgeous!” Hope squealed, wrapping her arm around her sister's shoulders, her newly curled hair tickling the younger girl's neck.
“This….is incredible,” A real smile broke through the younger twin’s usual neutral expression as she admired them both, glowing. “Not completely incredible! We have to do your hair! Whatcha thinking? Up? Down?” Peace was quiet for a moment, contemplating.
“Maybe down with little braids on the sides? The ones that wrap around the back of your head.” She murmured, her eyes drifting once again to her precious letter.
Traditionally at sixteenth birthday parties the birthday kid opens the letter that states if they pass or fail, and the twins had already agreed to open theirs together.
Together.
Hope and I against the world.
That feels right.
She smiled softly as Hope guided Peace into the one chair at their shared desk, rummaging around in the drawers for the hair brush. Suddenly, the previously locked door burst open as the youngest of the Phrine’s burst in.
Their little brother, Renewal ran over, grinning and opening his arms to try and snatch one of the sisters in a hug. “Hey! No hugs! We’re getting ready!” Hope stepped in front of her sister, brandishing her hairbrush as she squinted her eyes playfully at their little brother.
“Well you won’t let me have any for the rest of the night either!” He huffed, puffing out his cheeks as his silvery eyes narrowed at the sight of the fearsome hairbrush.
Renewal and the twins could pass as triplets if only he were a little older, which was fun to imagine. He shared the same silver eyes and dark hair that the twins had inherited from their father, who Renewal looked like a smaller version of.
“I have to finish getting Peace ready, then you can get a hug!” Hope retorted, strutting back to Peace, picking the strands of her hair that she needed for the braids.
“Renny,” The younger twin whispered, patting her lap and smiling in a slightly mischievous manner as she stared into the mirror on the twin's desk. Hope scoffed quietly as Renewal ran over, beaming as he carefully sat in his sister's lap. They both stared at their reflections while the elder twin kept her eyes fixed on the hair she was braiding.
“You’ll be getting ready for your own sixteenth party in a couple years.” Peace mused, wrapping her arms around her brother's waist as she looked at his reflection. His face contorted through emotions before he finally decided on a nod, leaning back into his sister.
“Doesn’t that sound cool?” She asked, smiling softly as she gently poked his side in hopes of a better reaction. “Yeah…. It sounds cool.” He mumbled, his eyes sinking down to his feet, drooping in her arms. “Renny, is something wrong?” Hope asked, pausing her braiding as she looked down at the two.
“What if…..on that day….you two won’t help me get ready?” Renewal whispered softly, quietly sniffling as he wiped his nose on his sleeve. “What? Of course we will, That’s your big day!” Peace assured him, concerned and confused for her little brother.
“But…what if The Selection takes you away?”
Both girls were quiet for a moment, exchanging worried glances as they tried to come up with the best response. “Well-” Hope started, busying herself with her little sister’s braid. “-You’ll have Destiny and Price to help you get ready-”
“BUT-” The younger twin interrupted, shooting her sister a you’re not helping look. “-That's like, four years from now! Even if we did get in, which there’s no guarantee, we’d be adults by the time we would finish the program! We could come visit you and help get you ready!”
“Won’t we be like Mama and Aunt Beam?” He mumbled, looking up at the girls with big eyes. “You know that Mama and her don’t talk anymore. She doesn’t like her.”
The twins shared a simultaneous sigh. Their mother had a bad relationship with their Aunt. Apparently they had a falling out after Prism, the Phrine family’s mother, completed the program.
No matter how much begging and pleading her children did, their mother refused to let her kids meet their Aunt, or even speak to her. Their Dad doesn’t like Aunt Beam either, so the Phrine kids just assumed that Aunt Beam was against their Mom marrying their Dad.
“No, we won’t be like them.” Peace told her little brother with a tone that was much more certain than she really felt. Her brother was quiet for a moment. “Do you promise?” Renewal looked over his shoulder at both twins. Hope nodded, smiling softly as she held out a pinky. “I promise.” Her younger twin was quick to follow her elder twin’s lead. “I promise too.”
Both girls watched happily as a big smile appeared on Renewal's face and he twined his pinky with theirs, grinning. “You’re stuck with me then!”
<>
“Hey, don’t be scared! They can smell your fear!” Destiny, the eldest sister of Phrine family grinned, wrapping an arm around each twin’s shoulder. She had been trying to ease the nerves of the twin’s for about ten minutes now, though it hadn’t done much.
The trio was separated from the rest of the party by a single curtain, and the nerves were preying on the two younger girls because of it. “It will be awesome! You’ll get to go up, open your letters and tell the whole party how you got accepted!”
The twins both nod slightly, eyes fixed on the purple curtain hanging in front of the doorway ahead of them. They could hear their father and mother talking from the other side of the curtain, speaking about their twin daughters fondly.
Peace’s heart thundered in her chest as her mind whirled, blocking out the now muffled chatter of her sisters.
What if I don’t get in?
What if I fail?
Our parents are both graduates of the Selection, it should be guaranteed that we get in.
Though for some reason, it wasn’t. Even though both of her parents had the Morango gene, none of their children had passed The Selection, which was unheard of, to say the least. In Krendia, your social standing depends entirely on how many of your children passed The Selection.
At least one, if not all of the Phrine children should’ve gotten the gene, but they never did. Technically, their first child might have had the Morango gene, but she died of sickness two years before she would go through The Selection.
Peace was suddenly torn from her thoughts when she heard the loud applause from the party goers on the other side of the curtain. “That’s our cue,” Hope whispered as she grasped her younger twin’s shaking hand, dragging her through the drapes of fabric. The twins were met with a roar of applause from the other party goers.
The whole room was dark except for a special light powered by the Phrine mother’s electricity powers, and it shone down on her daughters below it. The twins set both of their letters down on a wooden stool in front of them. They both looked up, gripping each other's hand as they surveyed the crowd.
Neither Hope nor Peace were incredible singers, but per Krendia customs, the birthday child had to sing The Song of Sixteen. This was only one of the things that made sixteenth birthdays extra unique from normal birthdays. While the guests usually sing the iconic Happy Birthday song for the birthday child for most birthdays, on the child's sixteenth birthday they instead sing for the guests.
Peace took a deep breath, meeting her twin’s eyes before they both started the song.
“One year for grace,”
Several cameras were pulled out to capture the moment.
“Two years for kindness,”
Several voices could be heard humming along with the tune of the song.
“Three to embrace,
Four breaks the blindness
Five brings the dreams,”
All eyes remained fixed on the singing twins, only heightening Peace’s anxiety.
“Six learns to shine
Seven finds joy
Eight sings the songs
Nine takes a stand
Ten builds a world, with a loving hand.”
Several people in the audience chuckled, nodding at their small children to their friends.
“Eleven explores
Twelve starts to grow
Thirteen finds love, and let’s it flow
Fourteen finds truth
Fifteen joins the fight
Sixteen stands tall
To spread Krendia’s light.”
Several people cheered and whooped from the audience, all eyes still trained on the girls.
“Sixteen years now I’ve lived, time for me to better Krendia-”
Hope and Peace each pick up their letters, slowly opening the envelope before quickly pulling out the folded piece of paper inside.
“-One second to wait, to take it all in.
Two seconds to know, in this test loyalty must show
The third second, for Krendia to hold their breath
For I will serve Krendia no matter what I get.”
All eyes, including Peace's, turned to Hope, as it was customary that the eldest went first if the birthday was shared. The elder twin took a shaky breath in before unfolding the piece of paper, clapping a hand to her mouth when she read the results. She dropped the paper, holding in tears as she shook her head.
The party goers gasped and each offered their condolences, some moving to comfort Hope.
Peace’s smile faltered, watching all the people flock to her sister.
Ha. Of course.
A wave of shame and guilt washed over the younger girl, realizing now wasn’t the time. She could still have her moment, the moment she had been waiting for, even if it was her moment alone.
She suddenly felt an arm around her shoulder and she looked up to find it belonged to Destiny, who gave her a sympathetic expression. “Go ahead. I’ll watch you open it.” The older girl nodded to the envelope in the young twin’s hand.
A small, grateful and touched smile found its way to Peace’s lips as she nodded, giving Hope one last glance before slowly unfolding the envelope to reveal the one word in gold on the paper.
“OH MY GOD YOU GOT IN!”
Destiny’s screams filled the room as she crushed Peace in a hug, waving the letter in the air. PASS it read. Everyone’s heads whipped around, the spotlight now trained on the youngest twin. Several screams erupted throughout the crowd as more people joined in on the hug.
Hope was kept company by her mother and father, who exchanged a shocked, worried glance as the guests started cheering and celebrating. The horde of guests who had been comforting Hope moments before had moved on to celebrate with the younger twin, who was enjoying her moment of limelight.
Peace beamed as her eyes moved around the faces of all the people hugging and congratulating her.
This is it
This is my moment
I did it
While the honor of being celebrated and included was usually directed towards Hope, Peace could feel the difference it made. She felt seen, and loved and like she was on top of the world.
She felt like she finally stepped out of her older twin's shadow, her whole family's shadow. The Phrine family who was once known to be a freak of genetics with the children’s lack of the Morango gene, could no longer be called that. Peace made that change, she made life better for her family. They would be invited to more parties now, have more friends and live better lives.
Her smile remained full as her eyes moved to her twin, her expression faltering at the look Hope gave her. It was a look of shock and disbelief, her eyes still red and puffy from her crying. She saw her older sister scoff with a bitter smile, looking away from her before glancing back. Hope slowly bent her arm so her wrist was against her chest, shielded from the sight of most. She then fisted her hand, leaving only one finger in the air as she bent and straightened it.
Her pinky.
Peace’s smile fell, her face going pale as she realized what her sister meant, what she had forgotten. Hope wiggled her finger again, watching her with an emotion the younger sister didn’t want to try to decipher.
The God favor.
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Hi Bean, guess who's back!
I just finished reading this and there are some unique twists and turns compared to what I saw in the prologue! It certainly had a much different aspect to it but in a good way so let's get into it!
To start off, I really love the way you've provided a slice of life and show in a way the customs, traditions, and what life is usually like for the people of Krendia. You did an excellent job of including other parts of the world into it too to better explain and hive a window into how it all works. The history mentioned to explain this as well is also well constructed and fits nicely. I love how the sixteenth birthday is such a big occassion for them so far that they have a song for it! I find that alone really unique and fascinating!
Getting into characters, I love how we see now the novel from the prologue bouncing forward in time all the way to Prism's children. I also love close Hope and Peace are. In a way it reminds me of Prism and Beam... hopefully the same tragedy that befell them doesn't happen to the twins though. Speaking of Prism and Beam, I found it so sad that Prism told her children that Beam was still alive and that she just didn't like her anymore. Although I can understand why as maybe hanging onto resentment or refusing to accept that she was actually gone. On a happier note, I found it really nice that Hope's middle name is Beam in honor of her.
Continuing on, I did find a couple things to touch up on!
The first thing I noticed near the beginning was a slightly out of place tense change here:
While the rest of the story is in past tense, this was in present tense and so it threw me off a little while I was reading.
Another thing I noticed was a tiny punctuation error:
Even with a saying or a name in quotations, the punctuation would remain inside the quotation marks.
Both of these are pretty easy to fix however and just wanted to point them out!
Lastly, a tiny suggestion. In the part where the testing process is being explained to determine if the children have the gene or not, I feel like it might have benefited to have a bit more reactions from Peace in there about what she thought about it all since it's centered around her pov. I found it feeling a little off to have the explination there yet no feedback from her.If you meant for it to be like that though then no worries!
In all, I love how this chapter took on a different rhythm then the prologue! I feel like it helped immerse me into the world, history, traditions, and troubles of the story even more, giving me a deeper understanding of it! I'm super excited for the next chapters and where they will take Hope and Peace. Will Peace go now that she is accepted? Or will she stay back with Hope due to the God Favor? I guess I'll have to wait and find out!
I hope you found something helpful in this and I'll be sure to come back for the next chapter!
hello hello fellow writer! Happy review day! It is me, Sky and once again i have stumbled across an amazing piece that deserves a review! Let's get into it shall we??
It has such well used adjectives here!I automatically love the beginning of this story and you already have captured my interest! I love how this story begins with an oath and I can't wait to learn more about this God Favor is!
I also love the names Peace and hope. This fits so well for twin sisters!
I absolutely love the smooth transition you have here from how they were once taking the oath at a young age and now Hope is requesting this favor several years later.
I absolutely love this sentence
I also love the detail you added of who is the older twin! Such a powerful taste of flavor to this masterpiece!
GASP UGH I'm a sucker for stories that take place in the future! How dare you write my weakness!
And characters are a specific group or people???
And their brother's name is Renewal! Please, these name. I'm not read for these amazing names. And then you hit me with more. Destiny? Price? These are all such good character names!!!
This is a very powerful sentence.
It shows the intensity of just how great the pressure is on Peace and Hope to pass the Selection. Her parents literally depend on them passing.
I'm curious if you've ever read The Giver by Lois Lowrey. This gives me Giver vibes but on a whole other level.
That's so sad Hope didn't get in
I also love this sentence
as a the oldest of five it can be hard to feel seen so i in a way relate with Peace when she finally has her moment.
I also love how Peace was the one who changed her family's life.
BUT NO WHY DIDN"T YOU TELL ME WHAT THE GOD FAVOR WAS.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TAG ME WHEN YOU POST THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!
And now for my own personal thought bubble of a critique. Please disregard or continue reading!
While I appreciate to know how the twins looks I would recommend adding more details of their appearance. Also even their hairstyles for the ceremony they had. Other than that I don't have any other critiques!
I really enjoyed this read and found it absolutely fascinating! You had my interest to the very end of this chapter and I can't wait to read more!
Have a great day/night!
Soar high and keep writing!
-Sky
Hello! Thank you so much for all of the feedback and love, I appreciate it so much! I will for sure tag you, it should be done by Wednesday, and (I'll make sure to edit it so its more obvious) the God favor is in the 6th paragraph from the top. Also, if you would like to read the prologue for this story its here! (Crown of Coristol: Prologue (Beam and Prism))
Have a nice night, and thanks so much for reviewing my story!