You were like the old
Book on my shelf, the one
I read when I was little
And forgot about. You
Were the faint smell
Of cottonwoods and a barbecue,
All on a spring’s day
In the park. The sort of memory
That’s only recalled
When mentioned. Now
That everything’s changed, you
Have permeated the center
Of my world (so small!)
With your sickness.
I hurt to think you didn’t
Truly matter before.
I saw you once; it wasn’t
Significant. No connection,
No wondrous miracle. I
Guess I expected a happy ever after.
I wanted to say goodbye;
I’m cupping the fragments
I have of you, and placing
Them here, immortalized
In verse. I think I owe
It to you, to give you
The familiarity we never
Had or ever will.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
This poem is very heartfelt and that makes it awesome. I'm going to guess that the narrator used to be close to their aunt, and now, they have drifted apart making the relationship between them weak. This touched me personally because I have gone through the same thing only the opposite. We are just now starting to get close. Anyway, I like how you separated the lines into the four-bar stanzas. I always find that having stanzas makes something easier to read because it strikes the mind in a calm manner. That's good. Plus, I like the fact that the poem sort of tells a story. Again, this poem is very touching and sweet. I didn't find anything wrong with it. This was a really good poem. Keep writing!
-Emily
Wow. I don't really read much poetry but I happened across this and I read and I am glad I did. This is really, absolutely, and utterly fantastic. I'm sorry I'm not a good enough poetry reader to give you any constructive criticism but just so you know, I think this is remarkable.