Her lips curled at the sight of him, eyes taking him in, all of him.
"I need you to do something for me"
She washed from the shadows, washed as he stood in the center of the room, with his hands stuffed in his pockets, eye brow raised. She washed with amusement as he tried to seek her form in the darkness.
"And that would be...?"
His voice, deep but smooth, tinted with an british accent, sent an exciting shiver down her spine. Her toes curled at the thought of claiming him for her own but... that would have to wait until things had settle.
"I need you to kill someone"
She purred as she stepped out of the shadows and walked towards him, her movements deliberately glided with confidence, as her long night black gown tail followed swiftly behind her.
"And you'll need me for this because...?"
"Because I know what you want...-"
She let her fingers run along side his jaw and over his lips, as she came face to face with him.
"-And if you want it, you'll have to do this for me," she whispered against his lips.
She watched as his eye browns frowned, watched as his body became tense, and his beautiful blue eyes glared at her. Oh, how she loved it. Every single minute of it. She knew she had him, knew she had complete control over him. He was her prey and she loved it.
"And who do you want me to kill?"
He fell for her trap. She played her part well and all she needed was to hook him in and she did. A smirk touched her face as she stared down at him.
"I want you to kill Riley Evans "
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
You do need a period after me in the second like.
And I hope you mean watched instead of washed.
You don't really need the 'had settle' part it would be okay with
'that would have to wait until things settle' or just 'settle down'
Heres an idea you could put
"She purred, stepping out of the shadows towards him."
Okay we know its a trap and that he fell for it when he said who do you want me to kill. So the whole"all she needed was to hook him in and she did" its kinda like saying that he fell for her trap. So you don't need to say it again
"I need you to do something for me" - remember to end sentences, including when they are speaking, with a period, exclamation mark, and etc.
"She washed from the shadows.." - washed in the shadows, you mean?
"..wait until things had settle." - settle would be past tense.
"glided with confidence.." - you seem to be having a problem with your tenses, it would be 'gliding'.
"black gown tail" - I think you mean trail here.
"She let her fingers run along side his jaw and over his lips, as she came face to face with him." - This seems to be rhetorical, because she would already been facing him to touch his face.
"She watched as his eye browns frowned.." - 'Eyebrow", and it would be frown.
"She watched as his eye browns frowned, watched as his body became tense, and his beautiful blue eyes glared at her. Oh, how she loved it. Every single minute of it. She knew she had him, knew she had complete control over him. He was her prey and she loved it." - this also seems rhetorical, because he's glaring and showing signs of aggression, which wouldn't mean she has him at all, really.
Okay, overall it is very confusing. Then again, that seems to be the basic point of prologues. Also, this is pretty, ah, lusty. Maybe you should put a warning or whatever you call it, like 16+. I'm not saying this particular one is very revealing, but it is a prologue, and I am to assume the rest of the story will have situations more detailed than this.
I suggest putting in details to lengthen and give your story volume. What does the room look like? What is he wearing? What does the room smell like? Just simple details to give it some meat.
Overall, pretty good job reeling in the readers. It grabs their curiosity, because murder naturally makes people curious. Can't wait to see Chapter one~.
Ah, okay, so nice work. For a prologue this was really good, not much backing it up though.
Now, I'd advise you to find a better name than Riley Evans (It's an incredibly common name), and get your characters/story a bit more of back-up. I have no idea what's been going on before this, and just a few hints would be really great.
The comma should be a semi-colon.
In the third paragraph you use "washed" instead of watched. Also, eyebrow is one word. I feel that something's wrong with the last bit too.
You need a comma before the 'but' and no ellipse.
I don't think you want to use 'gilded' here. It doesn't make sense to me. At all.
No need for the 'you'll' just use 'you'.
You need some kind of reaction from him in here too. Also, again, eyebrows is eyebrows, not eye browns. . . .
You need a comma after 'in'.
Overall? Good work, a bit of work on your grammar and spelling and this would be a perfect prologue. As usual I ask for more information on surroundings and people.
Good work & Keep it up!
~Black~