Prologue
She sat by the window, enjoying the the night beauty before getting her hands dirty. The stars were out tonight and the sky was filled with ripples of blue. Her hands lay elegantly on her lap but her face was tense. Her dark brown orbs swept past the rows of trees, pass the gardens, and landed on the tower clock. It was almost time. She stared at the clock, watch as the long hand tick around to twelve and the small hand followed slowly.
BRING!!!!
Both hands made it to their destination, twelve. She glance nervously at the moon and watch as it turn red, a sign to all that it was time.
"My lady, it is time"
She got up slowly walking towards the door but not before looking at the moon one last time. One last time before giving her life away.
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140,958 Literary Works • 673,782 Reviews
Your description and title hooked me and brought me in enough to read your short. But if this wasn't a prologue, I'd be very concerned. However, it is my experience with prologues that you can make them as mysterious and short as you'd like.
I did see a lot of tense problems, which are easy fixes.
I think this needs a lot of work. I didn't have a very good grasp of where the prologue took place, who the character was, what time period it was, or how the character felt. Try fleshing this out and adding more description, and it'll be much better. It's got a lot of potential, but it does need more work. Good luck!
This was quite a short piece of work here. A little to short though to tell an actual story or get any since of plot through to the reader. I do realize that this is just a prologue but it needs to be longer along with at least some details toward the plot. This seemed rushed to be "put out there." And it really could have been better if it was longer with more descriptions and sense of story. Although like stated before your wording is strong. Trying rewriting this and spending more time on it, as a jewelry store always does, polish your gems.
Entirely too short. More of a blurb than anything else. Certainly not a short story.
Your wording is pretty strong but you don't actually tell us anything. We don't know where, or when, or who. And we certainly don't care about any of those things.
It honestly just seems like you wrote a little thingamabobber and slapped "prologue" onto it as a way of avoiding writing anything more on the subject.
Adverbs are lazy. Describe the way she's laying her hands, rather than using some ambiguous word you hope conveys an image.
Onomatopoeia is fun. But it's also playful. Your tone in this piece is not playful. Also, the sound you're conveying here sounds more like a customer service bell or an alarm clock than a clock tower - which is more of a Gong, or a bong, perhaps. Finally, superfluous exclamation marks are superfluous.
Tense issues here. You're currently in present tense where the rest of the piece is past tense. Also "turn red" is super vague and really kinda lame for something as spectacular and dramatic as the moon changing colors - which, incidentally, would make news headlines worldwide. Also, the image you're conveying here is something like a traffic light, rather than a dramatic, world-changing event.
Hope this helps. Please, post more. Your word choices are good and your feel for writing is relatively strong - you just need to expand upon it.
-D
I hope you go on with this. I was really hooked. What kind of supernatural creature were u thinking of making this girl. Please explain how this was the "last time before giving her life away". When/if you keep going with the story.
I was having a hard time deciding how to start this off. I'm glad you like it, I was thinking of adding a twist but who knows. Thank you for your review