Nightgown clinging to her body, she raced through the sparse trees towards the intersection. Just a bit closer she thought. Just a bit closer and I will see her. Guided footsteps led her to her home, as the blood dribbled down her fingers. Its warmth and simplicity stained her, mixing with the thin fabric, as she clutched the bullet wound. Her auburn hair cascaded down her back in an abundance of curls, and one foot stepped forward. She did not hear the drivers swerve to evade her or the spew of profanity. Lost in her own little world, her feet settled upon the concrete divider of the roads and there she remembered.
Sophitia remembered the voice, the careful but demanding lips, the arousing touch, the memories, the sadness, the hurt, the betrayal, the abuse, the laughter, the embrace, her face, her eyes, every minuscule curve of perfection, the love making, and her smile. The blood profusely escaped her, making her knees buckle. Crashing to the ground, she looked back at her lover’s home only a few feet from her. Sophitia had come home that day, blissful from the past night, only to find her father positioned on the couch holding a pistol in the direction of her head. Trying to refuse the accusation was pointless.
They had been in the woods that night, Lilith was on top, her midnight hair draping around her shoulders as two cerulean eyes bore into her. She stared back more intensely with her own hazel globes. A smirk was upon her rose blossomed lips as her hands trailed down her lover’s abdomen. Sophitia stifled a moan as Lilith’s nails ran across her breasts lightly. Hands searching, grasping, tugged at her clothing. Their bodies began to entwine as something gently slipped into her. First one then two, then a third finger wandered inside her and her back arched in pleasure.
She had not known someone had been watching, someone had overheard her and now as she stood before her father she knew his intentions. Being the man, that only wanted her for himself in the way of forcibly making her please him, he pulled back the trigger as she ran. Sophi ran for her life in a failed attempt to seek refuge, comfort, and love in the arms of Lilith. But the bullet made it there before her. She screamed as it pierced her side, but regaining her composure she continued running.
And here she knelt as her body stiffened. Slowly, she was encased in stone as she turned, and hand reached out towards her lover’s home. Her body was there along with her tortured soul, but her life was lost. Still no one had stopped to help her, as she slowly begun to depart from this world. And so, majestic vines sprung from her sides wrapping around her abdomen and pivoting to the concrete below. They snaked and grew adjacent to the many cracks within the plaster. Flowers sprung forth, beautiful and both breathtaking roses of abundant colors.
Tears began to trail down the statues face. Falling to the ground they formed crystallized tears drops within the vine work. Thence making it sparkle as that of a thousand diamonds. Only then did people stop. Cars seized to swerve, as passengers ventured out from their own tightly closed lives. Inspecting the strange statue of ornate work they awed. They wouldn’t have appreciated it, if they had known its true meaning. There is nothing wrong with difference. It is not absurd, or evil, or worth of hurt and indifference it is beautiful. More beautiful then what any of this world will ever imagine. The purest of bonds had been formed between Sophi and Lilith, and now that bond was shattered right along with their souls.
Any and all suggestions welcome ( I may add more to this ) ! 
by the way guys I am working on this story more.
I might be writing it from chapter one since one of my good friends has been pestering me too
* rolls eyes*
anyways if all goes well i should have some of it up within the coming weeks.
college is making it pretty hard to get past writers block ...
^__^ thanks for the review.
Ah yea I know yet again.. this was kind of a daydream on ride home from college sooo I'm still trying to think on how t o maybe put more to this story before this ending. Make it into a chapter series hopefully.
This was really good.
It is definatly a really sad story. i like that you didn't need to write paragraphs and paragraphs to explain what was going on and to have a whole enitre story that wasn't just a little tidbit. It has a definite plot line and from little hints you gave us we could infer what had been going on before the story started and what happened after it finished.
I love the message that you give at the end.
Although, there are sort of two different issues and controversies and only one of them is really adressed, but that the other one isn't really that important to the actually storyline, that being the issue of her being sexually abused by her father.
I would like to think that he was punished horribly for what he did.
Very well done, keep up the writing and let me know if I can critique anything else for you!
Bravo!
-Rory
MM forget the soup I want the cookie!!
nom nom nom
Seriously I feel better today so I will get right onto those revisions.
I'll get right onto that as soon as I fell better
Hey thanks or nitpicking and finding all the errors!
I jotted all of this down within an hour lol... and been sick so couldn't revise it
GirsBlueAvenger wrote:Nightgown clinging to her body she raced through the sparse trees towards the intersection. Just a big closer she thought. Just a bit closer and I will see her. Gilded footsteps led her to her home, as the blood dribbled through her fingers. Its warmth and simplicity stained her mixing with the thin fabric, as she clutched the bullet wound.
Sophitia remembered the voice, the carefully but demanding lips, the arousing touch, the memories, the sadness, the hurt, the betrayal, the abuse, the laughter, the embrace, her face, her eyes, every minuscule curve of perfection, the love making, and her smile. The blood profusely escaped her making her knees buckle, and crashing to the ground she looked back. She looked back at the house only a few feet from her, her lover’s home. She had come home that day, blissful of the past night, only to find her father positioned on the couch holding a pistol to her head.
They had been in the woods that night, Lilith was above, her midnight hair draping over her shoulders as two cerulean eyes bore into her. She stared back more intensely with her own hazel globes. A smirk was upon her rose blossomed lips as her hands trailed down her lowers abdomen. Sophi stifled a moan as her nails ran across her breasts lightly. Hands searching, grasping, tugging at her clothing their bodies began to entwine as something gracefully slipped into her. First one and then two and three Lilith's fingers wandered inside her and her back arched in pleasure.
She had not known someone had been watching, someone had over heard her and now as she stood before her father she knew his intentions .Being the man, that only wanted her for himself in the way of forcibly making her please him, he pulled back the trigger as she ran. Sophi ran for her life in a failed attempt to seek refuge, comfort, and love in the arms of Lil. But the bullet made it there before her. She screamed as it pierced her, but regaining her composure she still continued.
And here she knelt as her body stiffened. Slowly, minusculey, she was encased in stone as she turned, and hand reached out towards her lover’s home in ended. Her body was there as so was her tortured soul. Still no one had stopped to help her, as she slowly begun to disperse from this world. And so, majestic vines sprung from her sides wrapping around her abdomen and pivoting to the concrete below. They snaked and grew adjacent to the many cracks within the plaster. Flowers sprung forth, beautiful and both breathe taking roses of abundant colors.
Tears began to trail down the statues face. Falling to the ground they formed crystallized tears drops within the plant work. Thence making it sparkle as that of a thousand diamonds. Only then did people stop. Cars swerved and passenger ventured out from their own tightly closed lives They awed and inspected the strange statue of ornate work. But of course, they wouldn’t have appreciated it if they had known its meaning. There is nothing wrong with difference. It is not absurd, or evil, or worth of hurt and indifference it is beautiful. More beautiful then what any of this world will ever imagine. The purest of bonds had been formed between Sophi And Lilith, and now that bond was shattered right along with their souls.
Thanks no that was helpful
Lets me know what I'm doing right.
As for adding to it I am trying to think up more for this preferably before the contest is over 
.
But if I don't I'll eventually add hopefully. Hoping to maybe possible use this as a prologue but I dunno it gives away the ending , but possible have Lilith come out of the huse hearing commotion and seeing her run to her statued body, maybe somehow something inexplicably happen when she wipes the tears away I dunno,
This all came about while I am riding home. Popped into my head like a movie haha.
To explain the last part a bit. OK we all know she is bleeding and a bullet wound causes a lot of blood, only her drive to see her lover again helped her to go on but it was too much. You know how when your soul/heart is broken it's like time stands still. Well it did but only for Sophi... her body turned to stone.. and since their bond was so beautiful and she wanted to show the world to open its eyes and leave their closed minds the flowers sprung around her and the vines to show them that it was beautiful.. and they had all caused her suffering because guess what? no one bothered to stop and help the dying girl they just sped by uncaring .. 
GirsBlueAvenger wrote:Nightgown clinging to her body she raced through the sparse trees towards the intersection. Just a big closer she thought. Just a bit closer and I will see her. Gilded footsteps led her to her home, as the blood dribbled through her fingers. Its warmth and simplicity stained her mixing with the thin fabric, as she clutched the bullet wound. Her auburn hair cascaded down her back in an abundance of curls [I really liked that, thought I'd tell you... XD, and one foot stepped forward. She did not hear the drivers swerve to evade her or the spew of profanity. Lost in her own little world, her feet settled upon the concrete divider of the roads and there she remembered.
Sophitia remembered the voice, the carefully but demanding lips, the arousing touch, the memories, the sadness, the hurt, the betrayal, the abuse, the laughter, the embrace, her face, her eyes, every minuscule curve of perfection, the love making, and her smile. The blood profusely escaped her making her knees buckle, and crashing to the ground she looked back. She looked back at the house only a few feet from her, her lover’s home. She had come home that day, blissful of the past night, only to find her father positioned on the couch holding a pistol to her head. Trying to refuse the accusation was pointless.
They had been in the woods that night, Lilith was above, her midnight hair draping over her shoulders as two cerulean[Wow I've never heard that word for blue.. XD eyes bore into her. She stared back more intensely with her own hazel globes. A smirk was upon her rose blossomed lips as her hands trailed down her lowers abdomen. Sophi stifled a moan as her nails ran across her breasts lightly. Hands searching, grasping, tugging at her clothing their bodies began to entwine as something gracefully slipped into her. First one and then two and three Lilith's fingers wandered inside her and her back arched in pleasure.
She had not known someone had been watching, someone had over heard her and now as she stood before her father she knew his intentions. Being the man, that only wanted her for himself in the way of forcibly making her please him,[That's really horrible, made me want to cry.] he pulled back the trigger as she ran. Sophi ran for her life in a failed attempt to seek refuge, comfort, and love in the arms of Lil. But the bullet made it there before her. She screamed as it pierced her, but regaining her composure she still continued.
And here she knelt as her body stiffened. Slowly, minusculey, she was encased in stone as she turned, and hand reached out towards her lover’s home in ended. Her body was there as so was her tortured soul. Still no one had stopped to help her, as she slowly begun to disperse from this world. And so, majestic vines sprung from her sides wrapping around her abdomen and pivoting to the concrete below. They snaked and grew adjacent to the many cracks within the plaster. Flowers sprung forth, beautiful and both breathe taking roses of abundant colors.
Tears began to trail down the statues face. Falling to the ground they formed crystallized tears drops within the plant work. Thence making it sparkle as that of a thousand diamonds. Only then did people stop. Cars swerved and passenger ventured out from their own tightly closed lives They awed and inspected the strange statue of ornate work. But of course, they wouldn’t have appreciated it if they had known its meaning. There is nothing wrong with difference. It is not absurd, or evil, or worth of hurt and indifference it is beautiful. More beautiful then what any of this world will ever imagine. The purest of bonds had been formed between Sophi And Lilith, and now that bond was shattered right along with their souls.
[I really liked that last bit, thought I didn't completely understand it...]
Ahh thank you.
Squeel's my first review!
Btw play close attention to this. But I guess I could clear it up more..
GirsBlueAvenger wrote:
Sophitia remembered the voice, the carefully but demanding lips, the arousing touch, the memories, the sadness, the hurt, the betrayal, the abuse, the laughter, the embrace, her face, her eyes, every minuscule curve of perfection, the love making, and her smile. The blood profusely escaped her making her knees buckle, and crashing to the ground she looked back. She looked back at the house only a few feet from her, her lover’s home. She had come home that day, blissful of the past night, only to find her father positioned on the couch holding a pistol to her head. Trying to refuse the accusation was pointless.
Any and all suggestions welcome ( I may add more to this ) !
GirsBlueAvenger wrote:
Being the man, that only wanted her for himself in the way of forcibly making her please him, he pulled back the trigger as she ran.
this was one of the most beautiful and romantic pieces I've ever read. It was Earth shatteringly beautiful and sad.
I can't believe the cruelty of the father ,to kill his own daughter. That was one thing I didn't understand. The story said that he wanted her for himself , I didn't understand that part ,maybe you could explain a little bit..?
Other than that ,truly beautiful ,even if I was a little prejiduced when I saw the title.Maybe if more people wrote pieces like that ,ignorant people will become more accepting ,than they are.
Keep it up!
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