Published September 22, 2007
Just something silly, that I admit I didn't take seriously. I don't like writing poems that don't rhyme. Hehe ^^ Be nice.
GingerLove
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Lost remnants lay about the ground,
I look for signs of life,
And find to my surprise and rage,
Red smears upon his face.
He denies all through clenched teeth,
That are flecked with fleshy bits.
To my digust, annoyance and longing,
There the remains do lie.
I run across to save my love,
Thinking it's too late; oh no.
But sigh with desperate relief,
To see my cherry pie intact.
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141,419 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
Nice
Good idea
Funny
Lol. Very good! I love the first stanza, it flows really well. I liked the internal rhyme of "rage" and "face."
I'd omit "That are" from the second stanza. I'd also change teh last two lines of this verse, because I think that teh third line is too long. Maybe omit "annoyance." I'm also not sure about the phrasing of "There the remains do lie", it sounds a little odd...
The last verse is very effective and humourous. I'd omit "Oh no", for the sake of the flow, and I'd chaneg "desperate" to a one syllabyl word. Hope this helps.
AMAZING! So satiric, in an unpolitical and subtle way.
Loved it.
SUGGESTION: Make us understand more from the first two stanzas. They were really confusing, so the end didn't come as funny as it should have for me.
HAHAHAHA!
Very unexpected. I don't really have any negative comments for this, I loved it.
Ha ha. Very funny. Didnt expect a pie.
Very good imagery. Cant find anything wrong.
Good