Revolution

I actually liked this, all of it is so true unfortunately. Nothing to add that would help you improve it apart from the typos I noticed — 'no' instead of 'not'.

Wow that title threw me off! I have noticed most of your poems have a very sexual edge to them which is seen again through this poem it gives the same sick, sex, and dark feel to it good poeticly and structuraly but I didn't really like the poem itself.

I like this...the idea is good and i rekon it flows allright.

You should let Miss Standerline read this at school, she'd love you for it.

Very feminist..showing how we live in a phallogocentric society.I think that's how you spell it, that's what Miss tells us anyways... Lol at me with my big words...haha

x

I loved the idea of it; it's almost like a sick obsession type of love...a lot of the guys at school bug me about how I can't do anything because "i'm a girl..." (freshman..*rolls eyes*). Anywho, as I said, I loved the idea, but I don't think it worked quite right in this poem, like Claudette said. It doesn't have much...rhythm, ya know?

I didn't like it a whole lot. I think the idea was neat, but it didn't work out nicely in the poem.

There wasn't much flow to it, or poetic elements really, so it was bumpy to read. You mostly described, and told, which lends to its boringness. Show, don't tell, you know?

Maybe if you went back through and made the poem more emotional than just what it is, gave us a character to follow, so it became personal. Observation poems aren't bad but... you'd still have smooth out lines, and make it poetic.

Lol. I liked this. I didn't expect the twist at the end, and thought that it was very effective. The flow was good, and your language is powerful. I think there are a couple of cliches here and there, and this piece may be stronger if you found a differnt way to say certain things, eg "pedestals". Since you've used "trophy wives", it may be interesting to use "cabinets" instead of "pedestals".
I'm not sure about "faces of the brave", I'm not sure how it fits, and it sounds a little forced.
Overall, this was a very interesting piece, and you don't mince your words, which is great. Very fresh and enjoyable.

It's revenge against men!
AND IT'S YOUR FAUALT!

Very nice.

Blonde haired beauty; cherry red lips,
Entertains the chauvinistic,
For the pleasure; no the money.
Scamming and scheming.

"It's a man's world nowadays",
Heard so often; said to the faces of the brave.
Women ready to work, but no;
Made to be their slaves.

Who is the breadwinner?
Who keeps humanity running smoothly?

The woman who flaunts herself,
For their pleasure, but soon pain.
As she burns their money away, dancing in the flames,
"It's a woman's world nowadays".