A/N: Everyone is beautiful and if you think that no one likes you, remember there is always someone who actually likes you more than you could ever know :)
By the way, I tried a lot of times but this is not the way it looked in my draft. :/ So I gave the hyphens to separate the stanzas.
PS. I suck at writing songs/poetry and I know my vocabulary in poetry is horrible.
--
You got your heart broken again, I know it hurts
But honey, someday you’re gonna break a lot of hearts
And I know that mine’s gonna be one of them
Do you know that my heart stops when you look at me?
Do you know that you’re more beautiful than anyone could ever be?
You’re perfect the way you are, always stay the same
You can do everything your way
Honey, don’t you care about what they say,
‘Cause at the end of the day,
You’re the one who takes my breath away
--
(Chorus)
You’re not just another guy,
You’re the brightest star in the night sky
You know all the right things to say
Even though sometimes it’s just “Hey”
Everything you do is right
When you shine, you’re the light
That burns brighter than all the others out there
But it’s the brightest in my heart, right here
-
My heart goes crazy when you talk to me
I only wish that you could see
All I need, everything I feel
With you, everything feels so real
When you run your hand through your hair
I’m enchanted, all I do is stare
My world lights up when you smile
I wish you’d stay around more than just awhile
--
--
When they boast, you don’t think you have anything to say
But honey, someday you’re gonna blow their minds away
You can be everything if you just believe in yourself
Do you know that everything about you is perfect?
Do you know that if we could be together, it’ll be worth it?
This is just a daydream but I can’t help myself
When your beautiful eyes look into mine,
My heart skips a beat
You open your mouth to speak to me and I
Forget what it feels like to breath
--
(Chorus)
You’re just so beautiful,
I can’t take my eyes off you
You’re just so wonderful,
You’re everything I need to fall into
Baby you’re just so amazing
Baby you’re just that mesmerizing
That I can’t even speak when I’m near you
And leave untold everything that I always wanted to
-
You’re flawless in every way
You are the reason I smile everyday
You really should know that you’re not just something
You’re everything, everything
How could you not see something so obvious?
It’s almost as if you’re playing oblivious
Maybe with this song I've got your hopes up
Promise me that no matter what, you’ll never give up
--
(Bridge)
They just act cool because every one of them is jealous of you
I wish you knew that all they want to be is you
Well, I don’t blame them because anyone would want to
Maybe I’m one of them too but what I want more is you
--
(Chorus)
You’re beautiful smile makes me melt inside
When you said that you’re in love again, a part of me died
‘Cause I know that it’s not me
I know that you will never see
But I can’t stop myself from smiling
I feel lighter thinking,
That maybe this time you’re gonna be the one breaking hearts
Every girl in front of you is just a house of cards
--
You’re not just another guy,
You’re the brightest star in the night sky
You’re just so beautiful
You’re just so wonderful
Do you know that everything you do is right?
Do you know that you burn with the brightest light?
Do you know that someday those three words from you,
Will be any girl’s dream come true?
I won’t ever tell you I love you
You should know that at the end of the day,
You take everyone’s breath away
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hi.
I liked the piece. I won't say, honestly, that it "took my breath away", but it felt really good.
So, the best lines first:
"Honey, don’t you care about what they say,
‘Cause at the end of the day,
You’re the one who takes my breath away"
"You’re everything I need to fall into"
"How could you not see something so obvious?
It’s almost as if you’re playing oblivious"
"When you said that you’re in love again, a part of me died
‘Cause I know that it’s not me
I know that you will never see"
i hope you will take it as a compliment if I say your piece resembles so much to Taylor Swift songs. It really does.
There is an obvious rhyme scheme, a flow, and most importantly, a distinct style.
Though at place it felt like it had gotten a little repetitive, but I guess that works, because the main motive is to express all kinds of deep love, somehow, and repetition is a good way to do so.
Keep writing!
-Erin
If you're a guy, please dedicate this song to me! I love it, after I came here, it's the best thing I've read until now. No one ever dedicated me a song, they just say they love me. Argh. Whatever, my fave lines were,
"My heart goes crazy when you talk to me
I only wish that you could see
All I need, everything I feel
With you, everything feels so real
When you run your hand through your hair
I’m enchanted, all I do is stare
My world lights up when you smile
I wish you’d stay around more than just awhile"
And guess what, it was really difficult to choose my fave lines. Do you mind if I post this in my blog? Don't worry, I'll put your name. Please follow me back because I really want to know if you updated any more poems or songs. 10/10...way more than that.
OMG Thank you. <3 That just made my day. <3
You're most welcome darling. If people don't make my day, I make theirs.
hey there i looved your song but i would make some changes like ...
You’re not just another guy,
You’re the brightest star in the night sky
no no .....its not a lie
You know all the right things to say
Even though sometimes it’s just a simple “Hey”
also the line before the last one to ...........You should know that at the end of everyday
Hello, Knight Teen of the Green Room Knights here to review.
Now, I'm not trying to offend you, but I thought that this was a little cheesy. Which is good, because I love cheesy. Except when I'm watching Mad Monster Party. That's to much cheesy for anyone to handle.
But, that was just my first impression. I thought that you wrote this very well, and that you had a good rhythm thanks to nice stanzas and line breaks.
I think that you might have overused rhyme, and that adds to the cheesiness factor.
Your grammar however, was very good. Your vocabulary was excellent.
There was one thing that I would like to mention, however.
Saying the word, "feel," so close together twice feels a little weird. I think that yo should find a synonym for the word and swap one of them out for the synonym.
I liked this a lot. Keep writing!
KT
I tend not to read lyrical poetry but I should start, hence why I am here. Since I am not good at really dissecting lyrical poetry I am going to tackle this as a poem alone. I found this to be somewhat uplifting and makes a nice change for the vast amount of somber poems I tend to read. That being said I did also find it very generic and lacked any real emotion behind it. I also thought that it could have used some imagery like metaphors of smilies. All in all an okay piece of writing that was just not quiet amazing. Good job though and happy writing!