Blood Stains (From my novel)

why did you delete it???

Pulchritudinous, there is more description and I gave more details about the house and the smell and so on, but I wrote those details before he entered the living room and before this scene, so they aren't in this piece, but the few paragraphs before it.
Haha. Butter, I think you misunderstood something. His friend wasn't shaking his hand... Hang on. I didn't write it the way I imagined it. You're right, it does seem as if his friend is shaking his hand, while he was actually trying to shake his arm and push his grip off of his neck.
Wow. I didn't even notice I wrote it this way, thanks! Edit, edit!
Thanks a lot guy, I'm glad you liked it. Actually, I'm thrilled that you did!

This was enticing to read and it is definitely a great work in progress. First, I have to say that it felt like you focused on the blood for the whole seen, not that it's bad, but we don't know where he is in time, what the house looks like, smells like, other than blood which brings on more blood.
Second, I thought this line was a little comical, not that I'm making fun of it, but the guy is getting strangled, yet he's trying to introduce himself and shake his attackers hand? It made me LOL.

His hand crawled up to shake mine weakly while his mouth hung open for breath and his face turned red as he suffocated.

I must say that I really enjoyed reading this.
The only thing that turned me off a bit was the description about his mother's death, but that's just my own tastes. (I was grossed out from The Illiad as well, so don't take it personally.)
I really, really loved that last line. It left me with shivers.
Excellent job, my friend! I hope to see more from you in the future.

(ps, I'm sorry if this review is lacking. It's been a rough day, and I'm not all here.)

That was really good ,really descriptive and you did a good job describing the main-characters thoughts and feelings i reall like it and I hope to see more of you novel

Really? Lol thanks! I've been wondering whether people would ever touch my book if it reached the shelves.
Happy that you liked it, so very happy.

Wow, really good! I really loved it! I think its really good the way you described everything in such detail. Well done! I would be one of the first to buy this book if it was on the shelfs.

This reminds me of The Mailbox.

I loved it, definitely one of the most emotionally stirring pieces I've ever read. Any and all suggestions I had seems to have been pointed out by others already. Do you really have doubt in your skills? If you do then you shouldn't. I mean seriously, your good. I'm probably going to like the other chapters to if I ever get to reading them, and I hope I do get the time to do so.

Yay! Thanks Shub and Book!!
I know, guys, I do pick the wrong words sometimes. When you read a weird misplaced word in there, know that's when someone talked to me while I wrote the chapter.
Yea, I did describe her, Shub. I did it in the previous chapter when he had a bad dream about her death. This is the end of the fifth chapter. In the old draft, I wrote something similar as the first chapter, but I realized that the novel isn't about her death, but how it changed him.
You have no idea how happy I am that you guys liked this scene! Thank God, because I truly thought I didn't know how to write sad scenes!
I love you guys! <3 >.> Lol. Too many faces, but it describes my happiness!

Bookie, whatcha talking about? You cute girl, don't apologize for not reviewing! I'm thankful that you read it, sweets.
Thanks Shub! Thanks Book! Thank you, thank you!

Gheala! I'm so sorry for my late review, the thing slipped my mind >.> . So so sorry.

So here I am, to review this awesome story ^ ^. Since the other users have already showed you the nitpicks, I guess I have to give my opinion . Since this is the first time I have read anything of your work, I got to say, I loved it. And I have to agree with Shubs, you do have a great writing style, It's like I was there when I was reading it. Your really good in details ^ ^ I only noticed something, sometimes, you use wrong choice of words. But other than that, it's all good.

I can't wait till the next chapters I enjoyed reading this one. Again Doa, forgive me for forgetting about the favor >.>
Keep on writing! I'm very proud of you of doing a good job ^ ^.

Please tell me if the next chapter is done. I hope my reviewed helped

Keep on writing,
Book *hugs*

Hey Gheala, here I am. I hope I am of some true help to you.

Her horrified #0000FF ">dead eyes and the blue color of her skin weren’t what ripped my heart out from my chest, but the deep hole in her temple was the rusted arrow that penetrated through my very soul and flesh.

My hands gripped to the leather of the couch near me with #0040FF ">a force that could break my fingers, I clutched to it in anguish and in a muted scream that resounded within my being.

The #FF40BF ">stinking smell of blood- my own mother’s blood- intensified in my nostrils, so I held my breaths and pierced my lips tightly, having a wish to block my lungs and drop dead on the ground.

My wide eyes goggled fiercely at the person whose gasps cut the silence, my breaths getting louder and #FF8000 ">my chest moving up and down in an emphasized attempt to soothe the fire in my heart with air.

Yay! Proud of you! <3

You're absolutely right. And you know what? Sometimes it's delicious to doubt ourselves... I mean delicious when we get over it, of course. Lol
It's exactly why we do rough drafts, rewrites and proofreading. Nothing is perfect from the first shot.
And I WILL keep writing!

IT really is a pleasure. And we all doubt ourselves as writers.

I read a lot about famous writers and Gheala, they still doubt themselves, even though they're filthy rich from writing bestsellers. We always doubt ourselves. And other people don't know how to react to something different. My own family will tell me something is good when I know it's crap, because they have no idea what to say.

You really have to take everything with a grain of salt. Or maybe what you'd written, you'd written hesitantly, unsure about how to go about it, and it might have shown through your words, in the scene. Now, you've obviously got a good grasp on your writing.

Keep on writing!
Tanya

Dear God, I'm going to faint! X.X
You liked it too! How come you all like it? That's impossible! Thank you, thank you! I'm so happy that you guys just gave me enough energy to finish the chapter I'm writing now.
You don't understand! The last time I tried to write this scene, people hated it and I ended up being skeptic about my ability to write sad scenes. But now!! Thank God!
I love you guys. Thanks Tanya, thanks a lot. Sorry, I say 'thanks' too much, but I'm too happy to find another good word!!

Gheala, wow.

You seriously shouldn't doubt your talent; you obviously aren't lacking in that department.

Pink's already gone through the nitpicks I also noticed and really, I have nothing more to add. I was impressed by the amount of detail, by the metaphors and how easily the words floated off the page and into my head.

Very impressive. You are quite talented and I really do hope you add more to this. I would love to read it.

Tanya

Thanks a lot, Pink! You helped me out so so much and I'll rewrite the parts that needs to be changed. I'm so happy you liked it, especially that you liked his thoughts because that's just as important to me as the writing style itself.
It's strange that I wasn't comfortable with the exact words you think weren't right for the piece, while I wrote them. >.> I don't know why I never changed them then. Lol I was somehow in lost of good words >.>''

Anyway! Yesung, the one who was suddenly mentioned in the end, is Julius' best friend and he entered the house with him. It just wasn't obvious, because the excerpt was too short and was picked as events went on.

That's what driving Julius crazy and what made him the miserable person that he is: His mother was murdered, but the police decided it was suicide because there were no traces or evidence of murder. Yet, the story isn't about that at all. He won't be searching for the murderer, because he doesn't know how. He'll be miserable and killing criminals, instead.

Thanks a lot, Pink!
And by the way, why is he gathering the pieces after the funeral? Lol I just don't know when the police would be removing the body, because he'd be cleaning up after they do. @.@ I'll be thinking it through.

Hey, Ribbons!

I'm glad you finally posted something, I was eager to read this excerpt from your novel. I've been hearing so much from you and it really sounds interesting so without further delay, here's the review I promised you.

Six months ago, the body of my mother lay lifeless on that rug. Her horrified dead eyes and the blue color of her skin weren’t what ripped my heart out from my chest, but the deep hole in her temple was the rusted arrow that penetrated through my very soul and flesh.

I remembered the rivers of blood gushed beneath her head and the pieces of her brain were splattered along the red pools

I spent hours gathering those pieces with my own fingers two hours after her funeral, along with the smashed little bits of her skull that wounded my hand when I clutched on them and wept at the fresh memory of her slaughter.

My hands gripped to the leather of the couch near me with force that could break my fingers, I clutched to it in anguish and in a muted scream that resounded within my being. I could no longer look away from the rug or the splatter on the coffee table, my heart swallowing behind my ribs which were soon to be broken.

The stinking smell of blood- my own mother’s blood- intensified in my nostrils,

so I held my breaths and pierced my lips tightly,

With an abrupt whirl, I clutched the neck of the person behind me and squeezed it with one hand. My fingers were on his throat, willing to rip it out,

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Dear loving God, you posted this comment while I was seriously going out of mind and having doubts in my writing style.
I can't believe someone actually liked it. I'm so hyper now and practically jumping on the couch! Waah!
Thanks a zillion times!

THIS IS AN AMAZING STORY!

Sorry to go all 'caps' on you, but seriously! That was one of the most emotionally sturring pieces I've ever read on this site!

No suggestions at all. Keep writing. Please. You will go places!

I can't wait to read the rest!

~Tay~

PS- what grammar issues? There are NONE! This piece of literature is AMAZING. STUNNING. BREATHTAKING!