Did you ever feel like you, could do something that you really can't do even if you tried. Then you start to feel bad in who you are, because you lost trust in that one person who you once called your best friend for Thirteen years. I lost all the faith and strength I had in her for what she did to me You can never change someone for who they are. Even if you tried the day you lose your best friend is the day you hurt the most in side like what is it to anyone if you now have no one who can understands you that well as your Best friend did now she's gone and there is no turning back.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi, Cheetah here to review your piece.
As FireFox said, there's definitely a lot of emotion in this. What I don't get, however, is what point you're trying to make. I don't quite see the connection between feeling like you could do something, but you can't and losing a friend. I'm intrigued by this, though. You have a unique style, I haven't seen anything like it before. I would just recommend making what you want to get across a little clearer.
Good job and keep writing!
~Cheetah
Gemmagray,
I can feel the emotion in this short piece. I'm not quite sure if your goal is to elaborate on this or what, but there are a few things that you could do to improve on this:
1. There are a few grammar errors. In the first sentence, being that it is in quotation marks, the period would be inside the marks. (Although, I don't quite understand the need for the quotation marks anyway. There is no dialogue as far as I can tell.)
2. In your second sentence "you're" should be "you are." You're is the contraction for you are, but it was used incorrectly in this context. (There are other grammatical errors in this piece, but I just used these first two as examples. I know others will nitpick the entire piece.)
3. It is my understanding that this piece is about the narrator being hurt by his/her best friend. If you give us a little more detail, we (the readers) won't be so "in the dark" and confused about what's going on. I have to admit, I am extremely confused but, yet, I can still feel the intense emotion of the piece.
I love how emotional this piece is! Keep up the great work!
-FireFox
When I write stuff I'm a person who doesn't think when I write so it will get rather confusing because I was confused when I wrote it but thank you I'll keep working on my skills.
I totally understand!
I would love to read more of this and more of your writing in general!