My boots are torn
And so is my life
Without you each morning
I pray at night
Hoping to soon see you
I continue to fight
I have an importance
Yet I'm never in sight
When I think of home
I cannot lie
When I think of my fears
I am willing to spy
When I think of my friends
I begin to cry
My life is a blur
Yet for you I am willing to die
I am never alone
You fight by my side
When ever I fall
You take a long stride
You are here in my heart
And have given me pride
People like you
Should never die
And so I write you this poem
To say goodbye
I tell this to you
and to my family as well
As person with the flu
Of a soldier's will
I'm not what you would expect
me to be
And your country does not live In harmony
We are trapped in war
Not peace keeping
I think we should leave
But I know we must stay
For we are now so deep In the the debt
We must pay
The people that started this
run in circles as well
They don't know what to do
And so we are brought back to a
DEAD soldiers will Now the truth comes out
As I tell you my sin
I am not but a young girl
Expressing my opinion
We need a GOVERNMENT
They need a leader
Not a drug dealer
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hello! I'm Peanut. Nice to meet you!
Your capitalization is... interesting, to say the least. In some lines, there was capitalization right in the middle, for no reason... not good to do. You need to be grammatically correct, no matter what type of writing you do! Careful about it... grammar can be tricky!
Instead of making that line that way, try it like this;
"Hoping to see you soon"
It helps with the fluency in that line.
That looks... a little forced, dear. Try to make poetry natural, sweet, savory, like dripping honey.
There is a mysterious capitalization... ooh, spooky
Here's another!
Another mysterious capitalization, and odd caps... why did you put words in all caps? it didn't really make sense...
and! The first line... it breaks in a very odd spot. It disrupts flow and rhythm... you have to keep a poem moving! Rhythm breaks aren't good... they slow down momentum.
OK, overall, it seemed to drag on a little. Consider shortening it slightly, or making it so you pack more of the information into lesser stanzas. Also, I would add in some puctuation, and definitely try fixing up those caps!
Some of the rhyming seemed forced. Never, ever force yourself to do something in freehand, dear. It just makes it sound choppy. Try finding a synonym... or just get rid of the two lines that are supposed to rhyme. If you ever do force yourself, then make sure it still sounds natural. Natural rhyming makes a poem!
Good job, but it could use a little fix- up!
~April