Judas

“Sh.” She rests her finger over her red wine lips. “It’ll be our little secret.” She says as she drapes her spaghetti string straps around her shoulders. She kisses me goodbye before quietly slipping away into the hallway.

The butterflies in my stomach morphs into bees. Stinging my gut with their sharp stingers. What the fuck you doing Cole. Everything rewinds back in my head. Back to the beginning.

It all started last month. I was at work, folding some clothes, getting ready to close up shop.

“Excuse me.” Soft hands gently caressed my shoulder.

“Yes.” I turned around.

“Cole? I didn’t know you worked here.” Camille said as her cheeks turned rose red.

I tilted my head. “Yup, unfortunately I do.”

“Unfortunately?” Her eyebrows frowned. “This store is fucking amazing.” She skipped around the clothes rack, smiling. She held two dresses in her hands. “Which one?” She held the red dress over her body. “Red.” Pressing it’s silky fabric on her chest. “Or the--”

“Red.” I blurted.

She smiled. “But you haven’t even seen the purple one yet.”

“The red accentuates your skin and the contrast brings out your eyes.”

“Thank you. You’re such an art nerd.” She giggled. “I need something to wear for some stills I’m taking.”

“Oh, you got a photographer yet?”

She shook her head and pouted. “No, I’m still looking, and Jacob is too busy with his exams to take any for me.” She rolled her eyes.

“Well If you like, I could do it. I got a camera, green screen, and all the essentials.” I paused. “ But that’s if you think Jacob would be cool with that?”

She patted my arm. “Oh really, thanks! Don’t worry Jacob will be fine. I’ll text him.”

“Okay cool. Just tell me when you’re free.”

“Let’s do it tomorrow.” She said cheerily as she walked to register.

I hesitated. “Okay cool, just come by.”

The next day I had everything ready for Camille. I messaged her a few times throughout the day, but she didn’t respond. Probably too busy doing some other shit. She ended up coming over at around nine at night. One thing led to another. A glass turned into a bottle. Looking became touching. Posing became acting. The background switched from the cheap green screen to a crummy twin sized bed. The touch of her lips sent shockwaves through my body. But it wasn’t the good ones. Not the type of shocks that energizes you. It was more like if I had a shock collar around my neck. Trying to shock me back into reality. I should’ve ended it after the first time. But no. I was too caught up with my pleasure. Stuck with lingering ecstasy.

Look where I’m at now. A month later, in bed, half-naked, with the scent of my best friend’s girlfriend’s Burberry perfume lingering on my sheets.

I rise from bed, dragging my feet to the bathroom. I hop into the shower, letting the hot water wash away the dirty filth from the dirty deed.

I got out the shower and judge myself through the misty cabinet mirror. What I see is a backstabber. A snake. A Judas. Overwhelmed with guilt.

Part of me tries to calm my guilt. I mean it just happened. It wasn’t like I-- we planned it. It just happened. Like any normal affair would happen. He would understand if I explained it to him. He’ll be mad, but I think he’ll get it. I throw on a dingy pair of sweats, grab my computer, and head out the door.

I’m second best to a ghost for the rest of the day. Gliding through the hallway’s commotion. Taking alternate routes to class. Ditching my normal hangout spots for the university’s library. I never go to the fucking Library. I don’t even study, I’m a fucking photography major. The library is always too quiet for me and quiet keeps me alone with my thoughts. Mostly assumptions on could happens. Like the possibility of Camille confessing to Jacob about what’s going on. I find a seat and preoccupy myself by editing some old photos I have on my computer.

As I open the screen, a sea of files floods my desktop. I pick through them, organizing them, until I come across an album titled, pool-break.

We were all at Jacob’s holiday house his father owned out in the Hamptons, soaking up the leftover Sunshine from the summer.

I click through. I remember that green bikini Camille wore. It kept slipping off when Jacob threw her in the pool.

I clicked again, Jacob and I shot gunning some beers. Who would’ve know now that we would’ve stopped drinking that shitty beer. That was our go to drink since undergrad.

I clicked again. Me and the girl I brought snuggled up on a beach chair. I definitely didn’t take this.

I shuffle to the photos of Camille from last month. The one where she twirls her hair. The one where she glides her hands down her body. The one where she’s biting her lips, seducing me with her fuck me eyes. Temptation is a bitch.

“Cole!”

I look up. Shit. Jacob marching towards me in his well-fitted grey suit. Is he about to punch me in the face? No, he looks too happy. Shit, the pictures. I scramble to, attempting to close all windows from the clandestine liaison.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He plops into the chair besides me. His eyes wide and happy.

“Nothing much, just editing photos for my final assignment.”

He points to the screen. “Ah the pool pics. I remember that day. What ever happened to that girl?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” I chuckle.

“She was pretty nice. I could see you with her for a while.”

I skin my teeth. “Nah her, no way. She wasn’t my type.”

“C’mon Cole, we both know you don’t have a type. You’ll sleep with any girl. Especially when you’re drunk. That’s when I step in as your conscious.”

We both laugh. I cringe inside, because he’s not wrong.

He taps my shoulder. “But man, you don’t check your phone?”

“Nah I’ve been really busy.” I pat myself pretending to look for my phone. “I don’t even have it on me. Why what happened?”

His eyebrow’s lifts. “I got my results back.”

“Oh shit, how did it go?”

He erupts like a party popper. “Bro, I fucking passed! You’re now looking at a certified CPA.” He smiles. All teeth. Pristine white.

“Man congrats.” I smile while simultaneously giving him dap.

“Yeah man, we’re going to the bar tonight to celebrate. You better be there! No exceptions.”

I rub the back of my neck. “I mean… I don’t know. I got these photos to submit. It’s a lot of editing and--”

“Bro. you got to come. You know how fucking hard that shit was. Plus, I haven’t been out nowhere these last two months. I’m not hearing nothing. No excuses, I’m tired, none of that.”

“I mean--”

“Bro, this is not for discussion. You are coming.”

“Alright, I’ll be there.”

“Yes! My man.” We fist bump. “It’s going to be tonight, at CoCo’s. eight o’clock. Me, you, and the boys from the frat.”

“Cool.” I wasn’t a frat guy, but Jacob was. We rushed together, I thought it was stupid and dropped. Jacob kept at it.

Jacob stands up. “And you know, Camille and some girls as well. So look good cause we gotta find you a girl. It’s been too long.”

My eyes widen. Fuck.

“I’ll catch you later bro.” Jacob walks away.

What did I just get myself into? My head falls into my palms. I couldn’t get out of this. Jacob’s celebration. Fuck, and Camille is going to be there. I just got to avoid them tonight. Damn near impossible.

***

The harsh winter wind slashes across my face while I will myself to CoCo’s. I didn’t want to make the night awkward; I didn’t want to kill the vibe; and I damn sure didn’t want to see Camille. I pace up and down the block of bar counting my steps, one hundred and fifty-seven, before rallying up the courage to enter. I casually stroll into the bar. Just being in here gives me the shivers. Knowing that any moment I’ll see Jacob. And Camille. Who knows how she’s going to act.

“Aye look whose here!” Jacob yells. He puts his arm around me and leads me to the crowd. The place is pack. Everyone is here. Friends, classmates, underage undergrads, sorority girls, frat guys, grads, Camille. All at CoCo’s. Jacob immediately passes me a bottle of Heineken.

“Alright everyone!” Jacob bangs on the counter. “Cheers to finishing off this last semester with my Sigma brothers,” Couple of guys go into a chant, “my best bud Cole,” he looks at me, “and the love of my life.” He looks at Camille, then back to the crowd surrounding him.

Everyone raises their drinks. I raise my glass. Slightly. Everyone starts cheering and stomping on the floor. I don’t. I just slip to the opposite end of the bar.

Hours pass and glasses accumulate. It’s apparent Jacob doesn’t know what going on between me and Camille. He called her the love of his life. What the fuck. I wish the liquor would just wash away everything. Or transfer me back to the day in the store so I could just say no. Jacob approaches me.

“Bro, where’s your energy? You’re up here sulking at the edge of the bar like a divorced middle age man.”

I sigh. “Just all the work I got to do.” Plus, the guilt me having sex with the love of your life.

“Fuck it bro. Worry about it tomorrow.” His words slur. “Here take some.” He passes me his cup.

I sip from the glass. Maybe I should tell him now. Right after this gulp. But he in such a good mood. Camille walks by. She strokes Jacob’s upper back as she passes by.

Jacob eyes follow. “Geez look at her.” He licks his lips. “I’m going to marry that girl.”

I cough, spitting some of the drink back into the glass.

“You good bro?” Jacob says.

“Yeah, yeah.” I set down the glass. “But, marriage though? What makes you think that?”

He turns to me. “She’s been with me through everything. School. These exams. That shit with my parents.”

“Yeah, I know. But you’re now about to graduate. You still got a whole bunch of life to experience out there. How do you know things won’t change?”

Jacob sighs. “Yeah that’s true but… but once you got something good, you don’t want to risk the chance of losing it.” He picks up the glass, glopping the rest of Gin. “I love her bro. I already made my mind up. As soon as I graduate and get promoted to a full time at Goldman, I’m gonna pop this on her.” He pulls out his phone, opening a picture of a silver ring. I don’t know much about jewelry, but it looks expensive.

“A promise ring?”

“No dipshit.” He laughs. “This is the real thing.”

I smile in disbelief. “You not serious.”

He scrolls to another photo of the receipt, seven thousand nine hundred dollars and ninety-seven cents. That’s my rent for the semester right there.

At that point, I knew it wasn’t the liquor talking. Jacob was deadass serious. The price is enough for me to believe him. It’s hard enough to tell him that I slept with his girlfriend, but now his future wife.

“Damn man that’s big. Congrats.” The only words I could pull out my ass.

“Thanks bro.” He grabs my shoulder. “And don’t worry, you’re definitely going to be the best man.” He pats me on the back. “For real, thank you for everything you’ve done for me these past 5 years man. A lot of my friends back home did me dirty or would just use me for what I had, and those moments I didn’t have it anymore, they just left.” He looks at me straight in the face. His eyes fall with sincerity. “You’re my brother Cole. I mean it.”

“Yo Jacob! Come over here! I got two shots with you name on it.” A guy yells over in the corner of the room. Jacob looks over.

“Well, alright bro, I’ll catch you later.” Jacob gets up and walks off.

Ugh, my heart. I just want to crawl under my bed and hide for the next thirty million years. I feel like a fucking prick who deserves to be gutted down to only my bones, and then burnt to ashes. How could I do that to someone who thinks so highly of me. Someone who considers me as their brother.

I take out my phone and open Facebook immediately. I type in Camille’s name and her page loads. A picture of her and Jacob as the banner. I open messenger and immediately type, [WE NEED TO TALK NOW. MEET ME OUTSIDE AROUND THE CORNER.]

***

A few minutes pass and Camille struts around the corner. Foot over foot. Leg over Leg. Like she was prowling down the catwalk. The corners of her lips are spread wide apart.

“Alley way? Kind of adventurous don’t cha think?” She says provocatively. She presses me into the cold wall and leans in for a kiss.

I turned away, giving her my cheek. “No, I’m not here for that.” I flick her arm off of me. “We can’t do this anymore.”

“C’mon, we’re just having fun.” She runs her finger over my chest.

“We both know this isn’t right.”

“Sometimes it feels good to bad. Live a little on the edge Cole." She lifts her leg, gently rubbing my leg with her inner thigh.

I raise my hands. “No!” I take a step around her. “No.” I begin to pace around. “I can’t keep fucking my best friend’s girlfriend.”

“You didn’t say that this morning.”

“You know what he just said to me at the bar?”

“What?”

“How you were there for him and how I’m his brother and how he loves you and how he’s going to fucking marry you.” My voice breaks down like a beat-up car.

She shakes her head. Her eyes scrunch up like a stress ball. “No fucking way.”

I walk up to her. I could feel the heat in my face like a radiator warming up. “Yes fucking way. He showed me a picture of the ring and all.”

Camille falls against the wall, clutching her wrist. She looks up into the night. “Fuck. I can’t believe this.” She turns to me. Her eyebrows rise. “Ring and all?” She asks.

“Yes ring and all. Damn near half of my tuition.” I pop a cigarette from my pocket and attempt to light it.

“Wow.” A moment of silence separates us. Only the steady clicking of my lighter echoes. I see Camille sinking into the wall, looking up into the night sky. This is the first time that I’ve seen her like this. Looking up to the night sky with rheumy eyes as if a meteor is plummeting straight towards her and all hope is lost. Slump as if her soul is getting sucked out of her with straws. It’s kind of assuring. I mean it’s fucked up to say, but after all this time, it’s a relief to see that she’s feeling some sort of way about what she was taking part of. So that I know that I’m not the only one who sees the end and all the turmoil that’s comes after it. Hey, maybe this whole time, her careless pursuit of fun was just masking her real feelings. Guiltiness.

After seconds that felt like minutes, she glares at me. I’m still flicking my lighter.

“Well, if you want to go in there and ruin your best friend’s life, then be my guest. Go ahead and tell him that his so-called brother and girlfriend were fucking each other behind his back. Go ahead and ruin his happiness. His future plans.” She walks over to me, shielding my lighter from the wind. Her eyes rip me in two. “He’s going to fucking hate you forever. What good is it going to do you or me if you tell him.” The cigarette ignites and Camille walks back into the bar.

Me, I stand there, pondering on every word she said. I mean, I never seen him this happy with any other girl. Is telling the truth always the right thing to do? Is his happiness worth me feeling relief? Is it better to tell him now before anything starts? Would I be capable of holding this in for life?

I re-enter the bar, finding the least populated area. By this time, everyone’s on the dance floor so the bar is my palladium. I watch Jacob for the rest of the night. Seeing him and Camille twirl on the dance floor. His face glowing like the sun. His smile radiating positive energy. Camille’s smile just as radiant as his. I never seen neither of them smile like this. In such embellishment. Like the couple who just won prom king and Queen. She’s such a good actor.

Nevertheless, this was clearly Jacob’s night. A night called for his celebration. A night where a new chapter will open, and an old one will close.