Hey!!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
This is the first time I am reviewing a script, so I might not be as good. Bear with me.
Okay so this script has a lot of potential. I mean potential in the sense, that the basic idea behind it is solid and good - two siblings trying to adjust with their mother's sickness. However, I feel like the delivery of this idea isn't as great as it could be. First of all, I have never really seen a character speaking directly to the audience. Or even if they do, the transition between her role in the play and her dialogue to the audience was to hurried. It almost felt like she was jumping back and forth between the two. I would suggest you to work on that.
Also, I felt like the play in itself was a little too rushed. We do not have any background on the characters. For example, exactly what is the sickness? We cannot connect with the characters and sympathize with them unless we actually have an idea of what they are going through.
Some other grammatical mistakes:
So, how was the shops?
We are talking in plural here, so 'was' will become 'were'.
Mrs. Dawes asked how we were coping
The full stop is missing.
Like I said, this script has great potential. If you edit it and make it into something a little longer and with more background, I feel it can be beautiful. In case you feel stuck, here is a really great article on how to write a play.
Have a great day!
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