Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
The father is dead, he's been dead for over half an hour. The first slash was a quick and clean one to his throat, his death was guaranteed. he couldn’t even beg me to let him get away as he clung to his bleeding throat, maybe the two stabs after may have been overkill but I enjoy my work.
Now where in hell is the wife I can’t see her anywhere yet I don’t think it’s possible for her to have escaped...
“Shit,” I whisper under my breath I never realized it before but penthouses are pretty big this one even has an antique grandfather clock and a rocking chair, and two rooms- though is too many for a recently widowed woman but that won’t be a problem for too long.
The chiming of the grandfather clock signals the time being eleven of the night now...The chiming stops I can hear something. Its faint but I can hear a whimpering from the master bedroom. I’m making my way to the door, when I notice its opened slightly with the lights off. Let’s see theirs nowhere to hide its little more than a bookshelf, a lamp, and a king sized bed...
"How cliché" I kick the door in, shrieks come out from under the bed. I look under to find a disgustingly pathetic woman, her eyes bloodshot and sunken.
“Looks like mother was right, there are monsters hiding under beds” I say to the woman. She laughs weakly as if I were joking, I’m perfectly serious...wait I don’t see a son, the contractor definitely said that a child was involved.
“You really are a monster aren’t you?, let me guess you left that boy in the other room alone with a psychopathic killer in the home ” I say, this woman standing right in front of me was a living representation of everything wrong with this city I mean her life over a child’s?.
I point my knife at her at her and gesture for her to move, she gets up tearful sobbing echoes throughout the room not a child’s but hers, muttering “i don’t want to die” ceaselessly and repeatedly.
We walk into the kids room and when we get in I’m surprised the paint is literally peeling off with nothing but a futon in the corner and a little boy trembling under the sheets “come out kid” I order him he takes his time and when he's finally out I’m honestly not that surprised to find that he looks bruised and beaten like a stray dog, wearing clothes stained with blood and badly kept but then I look at the woman standing next to him wearing a pearl necklace and a silk gown and if I recall the father was definitely wearing a custom tailored suit before I killed him.
I lead them to the living room area “sit down in the rocking chair” I order the wife without a second to waste she does so “what’s your son’s name?” I ask her face draining of all becoming white as snow as she looks over to him, it’s only for a second but I notice that she shoots him a glare.
“Do you think it’s the kids fault? It's not, the fact of the matter is I’m about to kill you in a horrible way befitting of a monster like you because of a choice you made, it may not be comforting but then again that was never my intention”
She looks at me her eyes looking at me as if to appeal to my humanity I in return reach into my pockets and smile at her “death is quick and painless” I tell her she seems to take some comfort in my words even closing her eyes and accepting death, without a moment’s notice I plunge the two knives I had hidden in my pockets into both of her hands on the arm rests, she springs forward screaming out in pain.
Blood seeping out of her now immobilized hands she's frantically wasting her time trying to move I lean in and whisper “it’s the dying that really kills you”.
I remember that the kid is still there just watching frozen with fear, I walk over to him she’s calling out for his assistance I take him by the hand and lead him to the door she’s screaming at him “you ungrateful...ugh after all we did for you!” I open the door and my contractor walks in, she hugs him crying “Tommy I missed you” she tells him the kid probably just realizing that it was his mother hugging him starts hugging back, tears falling down his face “Cherie what are you doing here!? It doesn’t matter come over here and help me!” the wife shouts out Cherie looks at me “you didn’t finish the job?” she asks her eyes extremely cold staring me down I pull the contract out from my pocket.
My son is being held in the penthouse of the crystal water hotel, two people most likely there with him an adult man who looks wealthy but doesn’t deserve to and a woman who looks like a wealthy drug addict. recover my son killing the husband is optional but if he gets in the way don't hesitate to take him down but leave the slut alive and my son unharmed-C
I put it away her eyes seem even colder “my work is done here now pay up” I tell her holding my right hand out for my pay, she reaches into her wallet and hands me a C-card #currency card#
I take that as my cue to leave “Cherie what in hell is he talking about!?” the wife calls at her old friend who is deliberately avoiding eye contact.
“I’ll pay you twice as much just finish her off” Cherie tells me I turn around and she’s holding out another card, the wife looks at me then Cherie “I thought we were friends!? Is it because of rick!?? come on what kind of girl puts a man before best friends?” she cries out still trying to free herself I walk past her grabbing the card.
The kid grabs on to the fur of my coat “mister are you a good guy” he asks me his face looking as if he was unsure whether to thank me or fear me. I kneel down to his level and pat him on the head “There are no good guys or bad guys in this world kid, there are just those who fight for their beliefs” I tell him and I start motioning for the mom to take him “kill her and make it painful” Cherie says taking her son with him “you bitch! Come back Cherie help me!” the wife cries as the door closes “now I get to kill you” I tell her.
She looks even more frightened than when I found her “please my name is Megan, that was Cherie she is insane! Please let me go and I won't tell anyone” she pleads I go into the bathroom and find what I need, a few bottles of vodka “looks like you needed a marital aid didn’t you” I ask waving a bottle at her “yeah we were having problems but so what drinking doesn't mean I need to die” Megan gets defensive all of sudden almost like she forgot I'm about to kill her.
“Drinking is a nasty habit and so is smoking, in fact that’s part of the reason you're husbands dead” I tell her carrying about five bottles of vodka to the sofa then I start making my way to the door as I open “are you letting me go?” she asks I laugh walking into the hall, there is a closet with a blood trail leading to it inside is a corpse the husbands actually.
I drag it with me back to the penthouse “no! it can't be what did you do to him!?” Megan shouts at me.I reach into the suits pockets searching for something, finding a pack of cigarettes a bottle of some recreational pills and a really expensive looking lighter “this is nice I like it I think that I’ll keep it” I tell her putting it in my pocket.
Megan is fixated on her husband’s body that she’s stopped shouting at me I start pulling down the drapes I place one connecting to the two rooms then I place one in a circle around the wife, I start uncapping the bottles I pour one after another throughout the penthouse until only one last bottle remains “would you like a final drink” I ask her she shakes her head no I guess to weak for words, I pour it on her head soaking her in the vodka “you can go to hell” she tells me
I take the lighter and place it to her hair “I’ll see you there” I flick the lighter, she starts lighting up in flames, screeching at the top of her lungs as the flames spread to the chair, and then the drapes until it starts branching out throughout the penthouse I take back my knives and put them in my pockets and make my way "you know what on second thought this lighters crap" I say tossing it back in the room as I leave I closing the door behind me.
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Hey, yo, Gawain! Strange here on this fantastic Review Day and I have a review for you!
I have to admit,this gives me headaches. It's not that it's bad, but the formatting. The formatting is big, and it hurts my eyes. Seriously, thick text doesn't go well with readers. It did make my brain hurt, but let me get onto your story.
Before I get into the mistakes, I'm going to start with the good stuff. See, you make it as an anti-hero's point of view, and I sure do love anti-heroes. They are fantastic. You keep the delivery blunt and enjoyable. As for an anti-hero, you did a good job. Though, anti-heroes are humans, not robots, like this one. "You must of misread the story." Well, humans have emotions. They all have some emotion except for angst. That's why the narrator was a robot. Seriously, no emotion or feelings.
Oh, you are supposed to have punctuation at the end of dialogue. That isn't existent in this work. It is like that all the way through. Usually, characters speak in different paragraphs, which that isn't present in this. Along with the random switch of font size, it makes it confusing to read. It is interesting, but it does need a lot of work. A lot. Please do this when you go write your next chapter. Thanks
Overall, okay.
Strange gives you..
5.1/10
Meh job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.
#TheFaultInOurReviews
Seeing as your new, I'll give you that little extra help and sort out all of the gramma and mistakes for you
* // = where I have suggested that you need a paragraph.
Here:
This is only a section of your story, but you get the idea. You have a good thing going on here! Keep up the good work!
thank you for the help
You're welcome!
Hey! Welcome to YWS!