Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
"We are the righteous gathered in abundance and we must purify this filth."
Annabelle found it hard to breath with the ropes tugging on her chest. She was bound to a large wooden cross by the feet, chest and hands. Her toes itched from the straw, laid in abundance around her. She could see a figure approaching through her teary eyes. "June?" She questioned the figure. "June what's happening?". A host of silent men, women, children, friends and family had gathered.
"WITCH!" she shouted. The crowed cheered in agreement.
"I'm not a witch!" Annabelle screamed as loud as she could, drawing fear, instead of sympathy from the crowed. They simultaneously stepped back, except June.
"'Tis alright" she said, turning to face the crowed. "You see the roses at her feet? We all know that no evil can cross the thread of a rose."
"Why have I no fair trial?" Annabelle said, her wits returning to her.
"You've had your trial Witch" June said "we did not feel the court was a place for a girl of twelve years."
"Why have I been accused?"
"You have defiled the parish priest with your sinful and seductive ways, the crops are failing to grow, and let me be the last to say, you are much to intelligent for a girl of your years"
"He took advantage of me! I told you that in secret. He hurt me!"
"Father O' Riley is a man of God" June said, spitting in Annabelle's face. "He has taken a vow under God to separate himself from the ways of physical love. Oh no, it was you who took advantage."
The flames hit Annabelle all at once. The heat was rising, and she was taken aback. The burning at her feet made her fearful. She looked down to see the flesh of her legs red and blistering. The adrenaline in her system took the pain, and her wits. "Repent demon." June hissed "your body is damned but your soul can be redeemed. Repent!"
"You have it all wrong" Annabelle began in a condescending tone "It is not I who must repent. It is you. All of you." Annabelle screamed. The crowed began to laugh. "It is not I" Annabelle shouted to silence them "who took a young girl and had his way with her, and promised eternal damnation should she dare utter a word. Father O' Riley" she said in mock respect. The flames had reached her waist, the heat was becoming unbearable. Breathing had become uncomfortable. "And if there is a God" she said in a raspy voice "it is I who shall expect the apology." with those last words, the flames engulfed her.
MaryMount village had been in a state of disarray. The witch had been burned several weeks ago, yet the crops failed to grow and the cattle were growing ill. But not to worry, the villagers were set to have a meeting that night. All except foe June.
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Hello hopeless03 here to review,
This is very interesting and I love it, but it would be better with some back ground to it. Like a little more on what happened to her and the priest, and more about her and June. Give more back ground on all of it, I mean it's good like it is now but it's needs a bit more. But it is very good over all that's all I wants to say about it.
~Keep writing and stay beautiful
-Sara Belle
More will be added if I ever edit it!
And I will stay beautiful. I will.
I clicked on this for the same reason as Bloodink. It's gory, but I'm fascinated with innocent people being killed in history. Oh gosh, I'm a psychopath. Anywho...
I noticed a few things that could be grammatical errors, but as I still have some work to do on my Elizabethan, I could very likely be wrong, so I'm not going to point them out.
Annabelle is only twelve? Wow. She has a lot of confidence. But I guess that's the point, isn't it?
Although you said this is a short story, I'm hoping it isn't. You left far too many questions unanswered. I'm aware that there is a style of writing like that, but even still.
Why couldn't she walk past the roses?
Who is June?
Why had she defied the priest?
And a lot more.
Lastly, Annabelle was seductive? Really? She's twelve!
Thanks for the review! To answer your question, no she was not seductive. She was taken advantage of and blamed because of his status in the society.
First of all... I was drawn to your work because I am very interested in the subject. And you didn't disappoint.
I love the opening line: '"We are the righteous gathered in abundance and we must purify this filth." ' If you came up with this - you are a genius.
One typo I spotted: 'crowed.' (Crowd) LOL. We all do it. XD
'you are much to intelligent for a girl of your years' This line is a little dodgy. It should be 'too' instead of 'to.' And you need some punctuation after your speech marks.
The content is still good though; and in a strange way... very topical, with the parish priest story line and all lark.
'apology." with those...' It should be a capital 'W' on with after the full stop. That's just the technical stuff, it can all be dealt with in the editing process so don't worry about it.
The ending is quite mysterious in its way... 'all except foe June.' Not much detail is given... I don't know if you plan to continue this work, but I'd be really interested to see how it develops if you do. XD
Thank you for the review! I honestly couldn't remember how to spell 'crowd' xD Thank you for your nice words!
I don't plan on writing more of this, but it will go through editing, so more will be added!
Wow! This was pretty good! I am happy to see a story about the Witch trials because I just read Arthur Miller's The Crucible in class and we learned a lot about the Salem Witch Trials. Your character, Annabelle, reminds me a lot of one of Miller's characters, John Proctor. I see the similarities toward the end when Annabelle begins to condemn the town for believing a lie. That's what John Proctor did; he gave up with defending himself and just told the town how foolish they were being, and because of that, he died a martyr.
You did a really good job of capturing the scene and keeping the language of the characters. Although I agree with Paracosm, there's not a lot for us to love about the character besides the fact that she is twelve years old and was molested by the reverend, but it's short, so you did a good job anyway.
Historical Thingamijigs:
The Salem Witch Trials happened in colonial America, blah, blah,blah and the people accusing these people of being witches were Puritans. Puritans were the people that left England and separated from the Catholic church because they believed that people could worship God without the help of a priest. So they didn't have priests. So, I have a small problem with this part in the story:
It wouldn't be a priest, it'd be a reverend... or something like that. And also here:
You might want to change the title of Father O' Riley to Reverend.
Content Stuff:
The switch of Annabelle from being absolutely dazed and not having a clue as to what's happening to all of a sudden knowing that she was about to be killed was confusing. I think you should give a little more context in the beginning about this to let the reader now that Annabelle was about to be burned alive for being a witch. That also makes me wonder why she didn't know that she was being carried to her death in the first place... You might want to add something about that.
I also think you should over exaggerate her death. I like how you say in the end that there was going to be a town meeting about the witch trial. That seemed to me like you were trying to say that they were remorseful about killing young Annabelle, but in the story, I don't see much of that. Perhaps you should add more about them regretting their decision. Hm...
I'm still thinking about that last part that I mentioned, but it was good! Thanks for the story!
Hey there Hightop! Paracosm here for your review.
Annabelle found it hard to breath with the ropes tugging on her chest.
-Breath should be breathe.
"'Tis alright" she said, turning to face the crowed.
-'Crowd'
"Why have I no fair trial?" Annabelle said, her wits returning to her.
-This is picky, but it's a deal breaker with fiction. I'm guilty of this 'mistake' as well. Action in fiction is always sequential. That means her wits need to return to her before she makes her response. Most readers won't notice this unless it happens frequently, but editors do. Watch out for it when you are editing, because it breaks the magic of the scene a tiny bit. Think of it this way: You cannot imagine retroactively. That means if you introduce an element into a scene that should have been introduced earlier, it needs to be revised. I don't know if I'm making sense, just message me if you have any questions on this subject.
"You have defiled the parish priest with your sinful and seductive ways, the crops are failing to grow, and let me be the last to say, you are much to intelligent for a girl of your years"
-'to intelligent' should say 'too intelligent'. Just think of it this way: Too has too many o's, so you use it when something is in surplus. Too much, too little, too fat, too evil. You get the point.
Breathing had become uncomfortable.
-Maybe a bit more than uncomfortable?
Well, those are the errors and such that I found while reading the piece. Now I'll comment on the story itself. I personally enjoyed it, you did a lot with not so many words. The ending was especially delightful! Your characterization of the main character really needs to shine through though. You don't have long in a work that's about 500-700 words to show your character. That means it is very hard to make us pity her. Now, you did a great job making me route for her even in her last moments. Make us fear for her from the start somehow, and that triumph at the end will be even greater.
The only other issue I had was with punctuation in quotations. Everyone has trouble with this, the rules are incredibly confusing. Instead of trying to explain them myself, here is a wonderful link. Don't let fear of punctuation stop you from writing. I avoided a lot of dialog in my first novel because I was afraid of that sort of punctuation. Just put it down and worry about that stuff later. Writing happens in layers, the first layer is always going to be stinky and a little ugly. That's what editing is for.
Nicely done, HighTop! This little piece shows a lot of talent. Keep after it!
Thank you so much for the review!
I'll check that link out! (quotation and punctuation always confuse me)
Thank you so much for the review!
I'll check that link out! (quotation and punctuation always confuse me)
Thank you so much for the review!
I'll check that link out! (quotation and punctuation always confuse me)