I always wondered what it would be like to die. Is there a heaven? Is there a hell? I completely lost myself in the notions of death, a mercyful god, a vengeful god. In the end I overwhelmed myself. I ended up moving from the idea of death to the act of death. How was I going to die? I used to joke that I wanted to be crushed by a giant watsot crisp, mostly to keep away from the darker side of the subject my mind gravitated like a moth to a flame. Well I don't need to think about it anymore, because on the 26th of August, 1942, I Malinda Collins, was murdered.
At first I though the pain of the knife slowly sliding into me, out of me, was painful. After a while it started to almost tickle. Rhythmic, it was enjoyable. After a while I started to feel warm, then horribly cold. I couldn't move, talk or open my eyes. That was the thing though. I could still see my assailant. He was right there, he let his hand drop to my eyes, and close my eyelids. I could still see him, through my eyelids.
At this point I was getting a bit scared. Is this what death is? I couldn't tell at that moment in time. But yes. That is what death is.
I could still feel. I felt them carry me to the coroners. I felt the embalming fluid enter me and I felt myself being dressed for my funeral. It was horrible. I saw everybody crying, that was hard. The worst part was seeing the people who didn't.
For now I just lay in my grave. The worms slowly picking away at my skin. Piece by piece. I see mourners come and go. Sometimes they're for me. Often they are here for another person, or some kids 'partying', as it's called. I may have died young, but being here has aged me.
I often think about death. About how wrong I was. Death is not a warm embrace. Nor is it horrible. It is stale.
A/N This is the bare bones of what is become a novel. By force. I really have little say in the matter at this point. Also it is noteworthy that this was written for a word-war, and is the product of 10 minutes.
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hi Squishy!
Avi here for a review!
I know you'll be changing this to make it a prologue, but I would just add more descriptions. For example, Malinda actually being murdered. Make it gorier! XD
I found nothing though! Overall, I really liked this and can't wait to read the prologue you develop from it! It definitely drew my attention. I read a book once that started off kind of similar. In talking about death and then stating the reality of it. But that's the only thing in common (The actual stories are very different!).
Another suggestion is maybe you could add what she might think her thoughts will be in that moment right before death. Does her life flash before her eyes? If so, what does she see?
And that's all I could think of, my dear!
This was wonderful, seriously can't wait to read the prologue! <3
Keep writing!
Thanks for the review Avi! Thanks for the ideas too! You've given me a lot to think about
Hi HighTop! Haha
You wrote this in ten minutes? Wow. You're really talented! I envy you. There'es no way I could make something even half this good in ten minutes.
Anyway, I agree with OliveDreams and Blackwood about everything they both said.
It is a flawless prologue. I can't wait to read more! I'm interested in how the story will pan out. Is this going to be a novel? It was put into the short story category, but you mentioned this being the 'bare boned' of a novel.
Oh, and I wanted to mention one thing.
~ Even though I think these sentences are amazing, I feel like the first sentence wasn't all that much needed. It was already mentioned in the beginning. Plus, why would she think about death when she has already died. I she reliving her death in her mind?
So, yeah. I just had to add that little bit of two sense in there. I hope you do turn this into a novel because I'm sure it'd be great. Happy Review Day and keep writing!
Yours till the Chocolate Chips,
Snow
---
P.S. I noticed OliveDreams & Blackwood are both Rouge's. Let's go Defaulties! Haha, sounds kinda strange.
Thank you for your lovely review! Made my morning!
It's in the short story section for now because I plan on editing it before making it the official prologue.
Thank you again for your review!
Hello there my fabulous friend!
As you're new literary agent, I thought I would come and give you a little more encouragement and confidence to make this a NOVEL.
The fact that you wrote this in a ten minute word war is phenomenal! I wish I could be that quick thinking.
I love that the subject content is a little dark and morbid - definitely could fit into the mystery & suspense genres.
Maybe you could expand on what she sees of the killer! Maybe she see's a glimpse of dark hair or a tall gentlemans hat?
This is literally the perfect prologue!
GOOD LUCK HIGHTOPPY TOP!
Olive <3
You're too sweet darling
Yes I like this!!! I was scared it was going to be suicidal in which I would have probably stopped reading this, but it turned out very interesting, it captivated me and compelled me to finish reading it.
First of all you spell her name different in the title and the story Mallinda and Malinda. One of these is a typo, I assume the first one is.
Hmmm sorry I am going to be a chaotic review and not stick to order, just what catches my eye at that moment since when I was reading that nothing stood out to me as any problem in particular.
Firstly, I think you could give this some more description.
I'll give you an example but it will prob be a bad one so just so you get the gist.
"I felt the embalming fluid enter me, cold and xxx, leaving my body feeling xxx in its trail" Basically turn the embalming fluid bit into one sentence, and expand the dressing bit too so that whole section is separated into two.
In the stabbing bit I think you should describe the blood from her body, and how sick it feels ... because bleeding does not feel nice.
In a bigger picture I want to know more about the assailant. f this story is extended then you could explain there, however if your novel plan is to re-write this and leave this short story as is, then I think you should include more details about the stabber in here. Where was she when she was stabbed? You don't have to say who he was, just hint to some sort of situation. I think she would be more shocked form the pain and stabbing than focusing on what it felt like at the first point.
I like this line at the same time I don't. Why don't I? Because previously you described parts of death being horrible then you say it is not. From thw whole story it is horrible in general, so I think that saying it is not horrible is not the best idea. I really like stale though, it was a very good way to end it.
Great job, my favourite short story so far I have reviewed today! Keep it up, I was very interested.
Thanks Blackwood. Yeah my idea is to rewrite this and use it as a prologue. Your review is extremely appreciated!