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cyber (16+)

by Galatea

I remember his nose
I remember because we never spoke of it
I can see it in my mind’s eye
pictured perfectly
I never saw his nose
I never saw him
we exchanged words in a box
tenderly loving the keyboard
words, just words
and he, my blue eyed Adonis with his
straight and haughty nose
touched me
asked my name
I lied, and gave him a false one
after all, he was no more real
than the light turning the office blue
I read his caress and welcomed it
because reading a touch
is so close to
feeling a touch
I had this man
across time zones and computer screens
I was some made up name
selling myself for conversation
and written sex
his words
just words
but words as real as I am now
and touch that makes me dirty
because it was written
cheated out of existence
my ears burn
ashamed of having a man whose nose
I never saw
whose fingers I never felt
not really
his words holding touching licking fucking mine
3 am and I’m exhausted from intimacies
with a face I never saw
I never read his nose
but it’s there in my mind
straight and haughty
its just words

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182 Reviews

Points: 1050
Reviews: 182

Fri Jul 15, 2011 3:12 am
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Chandni wrote a review...

Partly, looking at word use and the way you broke up your lines, it lacks one another. But that could just be the thing making this poem stand out as a whole. The simplicity in words, yet the great, concrete and strong feelings you delivered along with it were very pleasing to read. Also your repetition of the word "nose" boosts curiosity levels and keeps the reader reading.

Keep writing, but do remember to try different styles, cause a bit more expertise in the words you use and how you build stanza's aren't always to be left out.

Chandni =)

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26 Reviews

Points: 1521
Reviews: 26

Fri Jul 15, 2011 1:46 am
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pyro wrote a review...

So, I know that this review is for a poem that is, in all likelihood, long out of your mind, and without need of my input. However, if I may be so bold as to post my own take upon your work, I would be very grateful.

The general atmosphere throughout the entire work was one of honesty, regret, and maybe a dash of guilt. While I can't say that I personally enjoyed this feeling, I can say that you're ability to immerse me in such a feeling pleased me. One thing that did not thrill me, however--- Throughout the entire poem, you did not have a single grammar mark, of any kind, in any way, shape, or form. I realize that, to an extent, the poem is yours, to do with what you wish. However, after a certain standard in terms of length, it is expected that you implement markings to assist the reader with the rhythm, as well as the flow of your work.

Overall, this was a good read, and I'm glad that I stumbled across it. Once again, I apologize if this poem is too old. I realize that you most likely do not have any desire for my input, but I hope that I haven't really taken up any of your time.

Keep writing!

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67 Reviews

Points: 593
Reviews: 67

Fri Oct 22, 2010 11:09 am
PandaRawr wrote a review...

This was a really great poem. It felt complete, like you botteled all of howsomeone feels into thoes words. That is hard to do. Of course there were a couple grammer mistakes, and needed commas but I dont really like to talk about that because I review more on the essence than the bottle. I really liked the part that said, " My ears byrn ashamed of having a man whose nose I never saw."
Overall I think you should keep writing , and PM me if you need anything.

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162 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 162

Mon Jan 03, 2005 4:36 pm
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nickelpickle says...

Very, very good...You created a great atmosphere and appealed to your reader:)


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128 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 128

Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:45 am
Galatea says...

Thank you so much, Incandescence! You're so sweet to say. I honestly didn't expect such a sparkling comment, but I really appreciate it.

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915 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 915

Mon Jan 03, 2005 5:19 am
Incandescence wrote a review...

Absolutely brilliant. On the cusp of stunning that only a Salinger could create. Your tone in this poem is that of a trance and the feeling of being someone your not is personified all too well in the electronic rendezvous. Sheer brilliance. Excellent job.

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73 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 73

Sun Jan 02, 2005 7:24 pm
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convintojm says...

i find the tone very enchanting. one sort of minor silly thing though. Adonis just seemed too cliche for the rest of the poem which is very orginal and fresh to me.

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558 Reviews

Points: 22481
Reviews: 558

Mon Dec 20, 2004 12:44 pm
Matt Bellamy says...

You created a great atmosphere. I liked it a lot. Particularly like the beginning and end few lines. Keep writing.

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