Young Writers Society

Partly, looking at word use and the way you broke up your lines, it lacks one another. But that could just be the thing making this poem stand out as a whole. The simplicity in words, yet the great, concrete and strong feelings you delivered along with it were very pleasing to read. Also your repetition of the word "nose" boosts curiosity levels and keeps the reader reading.

Keep writing, but do remember to try different styles, cause a bit more expertise in the words you use and how you build stanza's aren't always to be left out.

Cheers,
Chandni =)

So, I know that this review is for a poem that is, in all likelihood, long out of your mind, and without need of my input. However, if I may be so bold as to post my own take upon your work, I would be very grateful.


The general atmosphere throughout the entire work was one of honesty, regret, and maybe a dash of guilt. While I can't say that I personally enjoyed this feeling, I can say that you're ability to immerse me in such a feeling pleased me. One thing that did not thrill me, however--- Throughout the entire poem, you did not have a single grammar mark, of any kind, in any way, shape, or form. I realize that, to an extent, the poem is yours, to do with what you wish. However, after a certain standard in terms of length, it is expected that you implement markings to assist the reader with the rhythm, as well as the flow of your work.


Overall, this was a good read, and I'm glad that I stumbled across it. Once again, I apologize if this poem is too old. I realize that you most likely do not have any desire for my input, but I hope that I haven't really taken up any of your time.

Keep writing!

This was a really great poem. It felt complete, like you botteled all of howsomeone feels into thoes words. That is hard to do. Of course there were a couple grammer mistakes, and needed commas but I dont really like to talk about that because I review more on the essence than the bottle. I really liked the part that said, " My ears byrn ashamed of having a man whose nose I never saw."
Overall I think you should keep writing , and PM me if you need anything.

Very, very good...You created a great atmosphere and appealed to your reader:)

Nikki

Thank you so much, Incandescence! You're so sweet to say. I honestly didn't expect such a sparkling comment, but I really appreciate it.

Absolutely brilliant. On the cusp of stunning that only a Salinger could create. Your tone in this poem is that of a trance and the feeling of being someone your not is personified all too well in the electronic rendezvous. Sheer brilliance. Excellent job.

i find the tone very enchanting. one sort of minor silly thing though. Adonis just seemed too cliche for the rest of the poem which is very orginal and fresh to me.

You created a great atmosphere. I liked it a lot. Particularly like the beginning and end few lines. Keep writing.