Hey Gahks! Juniper here!
=] You've got quite a review from Galeri as well as Hannah; I'll just stick with my overall thoughts.
I truly like the mood of this; it was pretty calm and creative (all though there were some words that didn't quite fit well here). I like the imagery you used here; very serene and peaceful.
However, the "face cradled in lap" sounds strangely awkward, and I'm not sure why? Perhaps it should be head, because, when I first read this, I was thinking of a face-- and a face alone, eyes, nose, mouth and everything in between-- with no head. Maybe I'm just going crazy?
One thing I want to point out is your capitalization! Capitalizing is good-- sometimes. Here, I don't think it necessary for you to capitalize every line. Rather, you can capitalize the words that start a sentence (those preceded by periods) and keep the rest lowercase.
You've got a pretty decent poem here, dear. Keep up the nice work.
Juniper
Points: 15394
Reviews: 1464
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