A War in my Wardrobe

by GagaforEverything

  • Poetry
  • Other

Published May 21, 2011

Blue adores me
while
Red ignores me
Black hugs me
while
Green mugs me
Yellow excites me
while
White denies me...
Forever they shall remain
the friends and enemies of
my wardrobe

Comments & reviews · 6
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TylynRae
Comment
TylynRae commented Comment · May 21, 2011

Ah! I can totally see this in a mag of sorts, a sweet little poem with a picture of this girl with her hair in shambles and an 'urg my gosh' look on her face. =] This was lovely, short, sweet, and to the point. Well done =]

User avatar
Caerulean
Review
Caerulean wrote a review Review · May 21, 2011

Hello there. :)

Nitpicks:

Red ignores me

- Put a period after 'me'.

Green mugs me

- Period after 'me'

Forever they shall remain
the friends and enemies of
my wardrobe

- This is a really nice ending. :smt023
- Period after 'wardrobe'

- - - - - - -

I like how simple, short, and direct this poem is. :) The simplicity is what really stood out in this poem. It's like an impromptu poem when you were just struggling to choose anything out of your wardrobe. You just made me remember that expression really knows no bounds. It can come out from anything. (xD I sound too dramatic.) Many other poems have big topics like love, family, hate, romance, money, etc. But this one, if I can daresay, stood out with just a small topic of having problems choosing which colour of clothes to wear. The 'tempo' and the wording is really nice too. :) The 'adores', 'ignores', 'mugs', 'excites', and 'denies' worked out well for me. And the colours give enough imagery. The only thing it lacks is punctuation. It may not seem like it but punctuation is also important in a poem even though the words or sentences are already separated in lines. Punctuation gives a poem a sense of 'formality', contributes to the rhythm of the poem (in my opinion), and makes the readers less confused (if they are) with where the lines stop.

I hope I made sense. :) Never stop writing! :D

User avatar
MiRaCLeS
Review
MiRaCLeS wrote a review Review · May 21, 2011

I liked how you turned something so simple, your wardrobe, into something so dramatic, war. Very clever. The rhyming here and there was also very good. I also liked the sheer simplicity and shortness of this poem. Yes, I do think that the concept could be expanded on, no, I don't think you should make the poem longer. Because at the moment it's brilliant, the shortness and how simple it all is.

I'd like to say how brilliantly you captured the content of your wardrobe in such a short stanza, your words were concise and great. Well, there's not much to comment on really, considering how short it is, except for great work. I really liked it :).

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highwordman
Comment
highwordman commented Comment · May 21, 2011

very original and a good example of beauty in simplicity. I would have liked to see some more length to it, but other than that it's great :

User avatar
Ritehunter
Review
Ritehunter wrote a review Review · May 21, 2011

Hello
I see that you are a new member and welcome to YWS

Well, I do not relly understand the concept completely but I think how your clothes and how it looks on you, try explaining the concept a little more so i could make it a little longer

hopefully that helped



If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…you should not be so quick to jump to conclusions.
— Cecil Gershwin Palmer