Published July 18, 2010
Utterly two minds imprisoned by one another.
Both own a key but neither wish to hand it over.
Do we love for safety? A sense of knowing?
An existence where one needs a companion to hold forever.
What if one doesn't have one?
Is she or he to live in the ground, dead to the world?
Their world has no point.
No meaning.
They belong to a world of couples, love doves.
There is no place for the lonesome here.
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141,614 Literary Works • 675,162 Reviews
An interesting poem. I love the first line but I think you should get rid of "utterly"
and "own2 should be replaced with "hold" It sounds better when I read it out like that.
The rest of the poem is perfect and I love it! Great for an early poem!!!
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I really enjoyed reading this poem. I think the first two lines are genius. The folowing lines start talking about being alone when the poem is about why do we love one another, though, it is okay nonetheless. Keep it up!
Hello there
I really think this was very good. I liked how it was straight forward or to the point. I would not change a thing about it. However, there were some intsances as I read this where I felt the poem was not believable or lacked emotion. It's nothing major, but it just seemed like words thrown into a page for the sake of it. Though well written, this is a cliche topic and you did not do a very good job at making it different; it's just one of those poems. But since you hinted improvement since this poem, I'll give you a break.
Keep writing, there could be a future for you in poetry
Hey there! I thought this was good. There was only one thing I was not to pleased about. When you wrote love doves at the end of the one line, it kind of throw it off a little in my opinion. But other than that I liked this idea, and it was very well written, good job =)
Thank You for the hints, Mizz.
I changed some of the poem so it would read a lot easier.
I know the poem isn't all that great but it is one of my earliest poems, I've become a lot better since.
Thanks again for the help.
Hi there, GagaBowie!
Overall:
This is an alright poem, I'll give you that - it's not remarkable, or anything, though. I do feel that with the above corrections this poem can be improved greatly.
Nice work.
-Mizz-