walking bodies

by Gadi.

Published August 26, 2009

he walked
like dead men walk.
when fingers move,
mouths yawn open,
their red fissure
breaking bare.
sometimes, the sounds
of scrambling bodies
seemed like naked sticks
across dust and dirt.
he would walk in woods,
looking through soot:
endless, fruitless soot.
the children he saw at dawn
would ripen into carcasses by dusk.
broken words
rang from shriveled head to toe
like through hollow trees,
like bullets through cannons
and then through the
children, roars that could have
saved the moon from her flames.
white skin
would bond with bone;
hunters would use
hides of children
they found in the forest
to keep warm at night.
at times, hunters would
walk like men; but
the men only walked
like children.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
cori1017
Comment
cori1017 commented Comment · Aug 26, 2009

Good job! Gold star. I love the absolute creativity in this poem.

User avatar
Jasmine Hart
Review
Jasmine Hart wrote a review Review · Aug 26, 2009

I love this. The first sentence is great.

I love;
"their red fissure
breaking bare"

and

"ripen into carcasses".

It flows very well and the end is powerful. My only little niggle is with the word "looking". I think something stronger would work more effectivety.

Hope this helps.

Jas



“A good book isn't written, it's rewritten.”
— Phyllis A. Whitney, Guide to Fiction Writing