Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Romantic

E - Everyone

Two Halves

by Gabriellemarice99


Who said one was such a lonely number?

Who said one wasn't any fun?

Who ever said that,

never went a second being only one half.

Being only half you never feel complete,

until you find the other missing piece,

the person that is different from you in many ways,

he person we all search for every day,

but never really find...

Unless of course you happen to be you and I.

Though we are different in many ways,

we make each other feel complete.

Two half souls that were never meant to meet,

one day crossed paths,

and an inseparable bond was born.

Two half souls that were never meant to meet,

managed to form a whole.

Stumbling through life we halves were lost and alone,

until we stumbled into each other...

and I haven't stumbled since I fell into your arms


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 240
Reviews: 35

Donate
Sun Jul 28, 2013 1:26 pm
EmoChikXoX wrote a review...



Heyya, I'm EmoChikXoX! :)

Wow. This is an AMAZING poem! It made me feel all warm inside :) I think that it's a 'cute' poem, one that you would give on valentines day maybe? aha ignore my soppiness xD

I love what you have written your poem about, I think it's great! :) It in a way gives lonely hearts a bit of hope aha, but on a serious note I cant find any grammatical or punctual flaws or spelling, so well done for that! :)

This is a beautiful poem, and I believe that you are a really talented poet and must keep on writing so I can read more of your amazing work! :D

~EmoChikXoX




User avatar
394 Reviews


Points: 16710
Reviews: 394

Donate
Wed Jul 17, 2013 5:54 pm
KnightTeen wrote a review...



This was very good, I loved it.

And in truth, I find nothing wrong with this. Not a single grammar or spelling mistake that I can see. Indeed, it is technically perfect.

However, and this is just a pet peeve of mine that you can totally ignore if you should so choose (and believe me that if you do I shall not in any way hold it against you), typically what I see in most types of poetry (and in truth it is something that I look for and mention whenever I see it or if I don't) is that the first letter of the first word of every line is most often capitalized regardless of whether or not the previous line ended a sentence.

Anywho, that's all I really have to point out to you today. As I said, what it really boils down to is personal choice and preference, and if that is not yours and you choose to completely ignore this, that's totally okay.

Happy Writing!
HT




User avatar
413 Reviews


Points: 11009
Reviews: 413

Donate
Tue Jul 09, 2013 2:43 am
Cailey wrote a review...



Hey there, Cailey here for a review.

I really like the idea of this. I like the metaphor of a half and two halves joining to make a whole. It's a nice concept, and I think could make for a very romantic poem. :)

I do have a few suggestions/comments/observations/nitpicks, whatever you want to call them. First of all, you ask
"Who said one was such a lonely number?
Who said one wasn't any fun?"
But, who did say that? The way you ask is like this is a common idea, but I don't know. I guess I just don't like the second line. It sounds really cheesy and a bit childish. Not a great way to start out a poem. The first line is important, you know, it decides whether someone is going to keep reading or not.

My main complaint with your piece is just the fact that it all sounds really happy and sing-songy and lighthearted. But it also feels like you were trying to write a romantic piece, since it's about two people meeting and becoming one, right? But this didn't feel romantic, it felt like a sappy middle school crush.

Also, why were they meant not to meet?? And why do we search for this other half and "never really find" it?? That makes it sound like you don't believe two halves can make a whole, but that isn't what the rest of the poem says.

However, my favorite thing is the last line. I think the last line is also very important and ties the whole poem together, and I love your last line!! That one is cute, and while it may be cliché, it's adorable and I love it, and it doesn't sound as childish as some of the other lines. Well done, nice ending. :)

I hope this didn't sound harsh at all. Please let me know if you have any comments or questions or complaints about my review. I would love to get a PM or a message with anything you have to say. Keep writing, and if you don't want to take any of my advice, don't! You are under no obligation, I'm just giving some possible suggestions for if you want to rewrite this one, or for the next poem you write.




User avatar
110 Reviews


Points: 6441
Reviews: 110

Donate
Mon Jul 08, 2013 7:47 am
Gardevite wrote a review...



Hi,

I liked your poem a lot, it had a sort of 'forbidden fruit' thing going on, which, as a curious reader, makes me wonder why the two people con't be together, with makes me think about your poem more. It captures the reader, is what i'm trying to say, which is hard to accomplish, so well done on that. :)

Your opinion on love shines through this poem also, which is good in the sense that we don't write words, we want to let the reader know what we're saying.

The poem also seems very personal, which in turn makes the reader think about their personal experiences and relate, which again, can be quite hard to do, so well done.

All in all, I liked it, but I think separation may have worked in the poem, to make it more paced and flowing, but that might just be me xD

Keep up the good work :)





In the winter months, gale storms in Svalbard can reach wind speeds of 130 km/h. Accompanied by or following snowfall, such storms can reduce visibility dramatically, more so in the winter months of the polar night. During these storms, travel is not advised.
— The Documentarian