Young Writers Society

Heyya, I'm EmoChikXoX!

Wow. This is an AMAZING poem! It made me feel all warm inside I think that it's a 'cute' poem, one that you would give on valentines day maybe? aha ignore my soppiness xD

I love what you have written your poem about, I think it's great! It in a way gives lonely hearts a bit of hope aha, but on a serious note I cant find any grammatical or punctual flaws or spelling, so well done for that!

This is a beautiful poem, and I believe that you are a really talented poet and must keep on writing so I can read more of your amazing work!

~EmoChikXoX

This was very good, I loved it.

And in truth, I find nothing wrong with this. Not a single grammar or spelling mistake that I can see. Indeed, it is technically perfect.

However, and this is just a pet peeve of mine that you can totally ignore if you should so choose (and believe me that if you do I shall not in any way hold it against you), typically what I see in most types of poetry (and in truth it is something that I look for and mention whenever I see it or if I don't) is that the first letter of the first word of every line is most often capitalized regardless of whether or not the previous line ended a sentence.

Anywho, that's all I really have to point out to you today. As I said, what it really boils down to is personal choice and preference, and if that is not yours and you choose to completely ignore this, that's totally okay.

Happy Writing!
HT

Hey there, Cailey here for a review.

I really like the idea of this. I like the metaphor of a half and two halves joining to make a whole. It's a nice concept, and I think could make for a very romantic poem.

I do have a few suggestions/comments/observations/nitpicks, whatever you want to call them. First of all, you ask
"Who said one was such a lonely number?
Who said one wasn't any fun?"
But, who did say that? The way you ask is like this is a common idea, but I don't know. I guess I just don't like the second line. It sounds really cheesy and a bit childish. Not a great way to start out a poem. The first line is important, you know, it decides whether someone is going to keep reading or not.

My main complaint with your piece is just the fact that it all sounds really happy and sing-songy and lighthearted. But it also feels like you were trying to write a romantic piece, since it's about two people meeting and becoming one, right? But this didn't feel romantic, it felt like a sappy middle school crush.

Also, why were they meant not to meet?? And why do we search for this other half and "never really find" it?? That makes it sound like you don't believe two halves can make a whole, but that isn't what the rest of the poem says.

However, my favorite thing is the last line. I think the last line is also very important and ties the whole poem together, and I love your last line!! That one is cute, and while it may be cliché, it's adorable and I love it, and it doesn't sound as childish as some of the other lines. Well done, nice ending.

I hope this didn't sound harsh at all. Please let me know if you have any comments or questions or complaints about my review. I would love to get a PM or a message with anything you have to say. Keep writing, and if you don't want to take any of my advice, don't! You are under no obligation, I'm just giving some possible suggestions for if you want to rewrite this one, or for the next poem you write.

Hi,

I liked your poem a lot, it had a sort of 'forbidden fruit' thing going on, which, as a curious reader, makes me wonder why the two people con't be together, with makes me think about your poem more. It captures the reader, is what i'm trying to say, which is hard to accomplish, so well done on that.

Your opinion on love shines through this poem also, which is good in the sense that we don't write words, we want to let the reader know what we're saying.

The poem also seems very personal, which in turn makes the reader think about their personal experiences and relate, which again, can be quite hard to do, so well done.

All in all, I liked it, but I think separation may have worked in the poem, to make it more paced and flowing, but that might just be me xD

Keep up the good work