The ballad of tommy tucker
Tommy Tucker came on down,
Down from Indiana,
Until a small town he found,
The town of El Bandana,
None from Bandana knew who he was,
Nor from where he had come,
But Tommy was bold, and Tommy was strong,
Shining like the sun,
3 months later Tommy was out of green,
He had gambled it all away,
So he robbed a local bank and was never seen,
El Bandana would make him pay
(refrain) There is a tale carried on a northeast wind,
About Tommy Tucker and the sins he sinned,
With the squint of his eye, with a twirl of his gun,
And a tug of his beard, shining like the sun . . . Tommy’ll have you on your knees,
Now Tommy came a’runnin’ from El Bandana,
But brave men were chasing him down,
Tommy went back up to Indiana,
But the men had caught him, he was found,
‘To the gallows with Tucker’ the men did say,
‘We’ll string him up and make him pay’
Now Tommy wasn’t the type to kill,
But still he shot the men and it gave him thrill
(refrain) There is a tale carried on a northeast wind,
About Tommy Tucker and the sins he sinned,
With the squint of his eye, with a twirl of his gun,
And a tug of his beard, shining like the sun . . . Tommy’ll have you on your knees,
Now this was the start of Tommy’s life of crime,
Never got caught, never had to do time,
Every bank he robbed, every life he took,
Was finally repaid when he was gutted by a fishin’ hook,
Yes it’s true, Tommy Tucker did die,
But his legend’s still told across the land and sky,
(refrain) There is a tale carried on a northeast wind,
About Tommy Tucker and the sins he sinned,
With the squint of his eye, with a twirl of his gun,
And a tug of his beard, shining like the sun . . . Tommy’ll have you on your knees,
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I'm thinking more Narrative Poetry...
Also, this really made me think of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." lol I'm not quite sure if it was meant that way?
Okay, though. So, nice poem! It was amusing to read, but...well, that was it. It lacked substance. So, yeah, you told a story about some dude who robbed a bank and killed some fellas. Big deal. Who is he? What were his motives? Question yourself, translate it into poetry, and presto chango.
I really like the name "Tommy Tucker," though. It fits well with the plot/time period/astmosphere of your poem.
Got to run, but it was a good poem. Keep working on it! Tighten up your language a bit, too, and it'll be a ton better!
Shouldn't this belong in the Lyric Poetry forum?
-Kylan
Wow, I really liked it! It was real nice from start to finish ( And I agree with genuine-writer, I liked how it was like a story. And about the death? It was kind of sudden. I guess you could of made it more descriptive then just one line. It kind of kept me wondering.... "Was finally repaid when he was gutted by a fishin’ hook,"
I think there could of been more then just simply that.
I really liked the way you made the poem so that it was like a story. You told it from beginning to end and a lot of the things were very fluent.
However i also felt that the way he died was a little wierd
"Was finally repaid when he was gutted by a fishin’ hook,"
lol. That part? yea, I didn't really like the way you made him just die like that.
But since this is your story i guess i have to respect that.
Also this verse was a little off.
"Now Tommy came a’runnin’ from El Bandana,"
When i read this part i thought that " a'runnin' didn't really match? Maybe you could of had like a comma there or something so that when you say it you could understand the meaning more. For example:
"Now Tommy came, a'runnin', from El Bandana"
You see what i mean. When you had them all together it felt to me, a little to fast, or like a run-on verse.
Although from those little mistakes i really enjoyed the way this poem was laid out. Also how you made it with the slang so that the reader gets in to character.