Young Writers Society

Hey Gam!
I'll review your story today!
First of all, I have to say that I think this had potential but it seems as if you just wrote the first things that you had on your mind and didn't really mind editing, trying to get this piece to its full potential.
As Eraqio said, you seem to throw at us that she was beautiful, you "tell too much". In writing, you should show not tell for as you said at the beginning beautiful to me can be plain ugly to you. Readers need to see what you see and in this piece you are throwing at us that she has a great a beauty.
Beauty in Classic romantic was shown through many points of view, many different kinds of beauty.They managed to emphasize beauty in a subtle way but it was always there. So i would recommend you read some of those classic romantic. Really, reading, is one of the writer's best friends.
Now on to the plot, I guess this is the first part, so I can't really judge your plot. But I can tell you that you should move on from the point of her beauty because it's not really helping the plot. Try to define a plot line and its pace, because this is not really moving on.
Now the characters, Amy is barely described and all we know is that she is beautiful and has a dark heart. And you told us that, it would be better if you showed us why she was mean and why she was beautiful. I don't really get what's the point of naming Dick, Tom and Harry, I mean you named them once and that was it. How are they going to help the story? You should try to develop their part a little more so that us reader can understand a little more what there part is on the story. So far, they are only random people in the story.
The father part, I liked it, but you could develop it a little more. It was nice-in it's own, very sick way. You could add a little more of what she felt, what she thought because you give us hints that actually are quite confusing.
Now for the antagonist part, confusing in the extreme. Why? Because I can't see what his part is, he is mentioned and we know he's evil. But what else? You can develop this a lot more and make it fit into the story. It was really quite confusing, because you can expand this a lot more and show us who he is, why he is the way he is. But remember, show not tell.
So that's all I can say for the main story line, the grammar was acceptable but I think you could use some proofreading to get rid of those little mistakes that you have.
So, I liked it and hoped I helped.

XOXO
Pudin

This is good but kind of confusing.

You focus too much on this concept of ultimate beauty.

Classic romantics and victorian writers might emphasize this easily, but you beat it into the reader again and again without really moving on to the point, description this is not, its more like overbearing repetition.

The concept at the center of all this is very good and I'd love to see it expanded upon, just dont do the kind of 1 2 3 1 1 2 1 2 1 writing pattern here, always returning to the begining just for a kind of reminder.

Even when the antagonist is revealed, nothing is truely explained or expanded, I'd like to know who he is, how he came into contact with her and why her beauty is disgusting or detestable.

Also the thing with the father seemed demented, I'd want to see that explained more in depth, I know this is just an opening but it still was more like a pamphlet read than an introduction.

Work on this and please put out a first peice, I'd love to see what you can do with this.

Best wishes and Merry Christmas.