Kayla

Hello, LadyShadows for a review!
This was (slightly) a dark poem. Not in the way of gore of course but it was slightly depressing. However that's fine. I liked it. A lot. It was real. And it shows the hurt of a break-up because, well, break-ups aren't always the shortest thing to get over. Sometimes that takes time. However there was a smaller grammatical error in the piece, the part where it says "I hope her dad like him" (something similar to that) and you should know where to go from there, so I won't say much. That's really about it Keep writing

This is Nikayla here for a review, so let's jump right into it.

The first thing I noticed that I just wanted to point out is that you have a lack of stanzas, and in this case I figure you don't know how to structure them or fix that because the publishing center does that a lot of times. You can make your stanzas all in one line and then hit "shift+enter" to make them side by side, or you can just put a "~" in-between each stanza to indicate where each starts and ends. It helps a lot with the structure of the poem which is what I'll tackle before I jump into the rest.

Something else that I wanted to mention was line length, which is something I think you can vary up instead of having every single line be close to each other in length. It gets stale easily. Jumping right into it, I think the whole lot of this poem can be trimmed so that it's not as long with you still getting your point across.

My reasoning for this? The longer you make something, the more chance that it has a dent in it somewhere. My reasoning is also just for the fact in general that there doesn't need to be this much to get the point across that the speaker hopes that this new person coming into his ex-lover's life treats them well and everything of that sort. There's rhyme in the poem which is something that I didn't really notice until later on, but it doesn't really feel natural and instead is forced.

If you absolutely want to rhyme, make your rhyme scheme a little clearer or make it a bit stronger running throughout the poem, but the rhyme didn't add anything positive to the poem so I just suggest taking it out. It's a bit of a down-to-earth poem which is quite odd for a romance poem, and I think that was the positive (for some anyway part of the poem with you being able to talk about Xbox and superheroes. It gives a sense of intimacy with it having your own experiences running throughout the As for the romance in this poem, it didn't really do anything new.

I would have liked to see more of a twist in this poem because you spit out a lot of lines that have been regurgitated before when it comes to the romance aspect, with the over-arching theme being, "I hope your next lover treats you better". I'm not saying that you can't use this theme and that you can't write romance, but make something new.

I would've liked to see the usage of more poetic devices such as imagery and metaphor because the poem is rather blunt in what it's trying to get across rather than any hint of subtly that would have been stronger. Define what it feels like through metaphor, is it a fire in your belly that's slowly dying out? A weight on your chest? This helps you connect the reader better to the poem and gives them more reason to care.

A lot of the poem is quite scattered in what its using to get this message across and I wanted to say that you don't have to stuff everything into this poem. Instead, expand on the important things. You go from hoping their next lover to treat their love like a maze to superheroes, to Dragon Ball Z, to watching Aladdin, in no order in particular, etc. Give us something and run with it instead of jumping from place to place so much.

I hope I helped.