Living in a dream
is quite the thing
It hides the pain
and misery
Dreams are things
We make and believe
It's quite the thing indeed
We hide in dreams
to get away from reality
It may not seem
but we do indeed
Escape from reality
In a dream
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I just want to thank all of you for the reviews. I enjoyed reading every single one of them! Thank you!!
Hello and Happy Review Day!
I absolutely love dreams so your poem was completely relevant to me. It perfectly tells how some of us turn to dreaming to escape from reality and the pain of real life. I know that some people do literally even 'live' in dreams, their life in reality just supports their abilty to dream.
Anyway, I should tell you about the poem. I have two nitpicks and one little suggestion. The suggestion is about the way you've set it out; it looks like you tried to create a swirling pattern, but on YWS it hasn't come out very well. I suggest you add extra spaces to create your swirls so they are clearer.
Dreams are things, We make and believe
I understand what you are saying, but the 'and' is unecessary. I think it flows better without it, but of course it's up to you.
We hide in dreams
to get away from reality
It may not seem
but we do indeed
Escape from reality
In a dream
You're probably wondering why I copied and pasted such a big part of the text. Well, I needed to give the example. You have used 'reality' twice relatively close together. This destroys the flow. Instead of a second 'reality' you could instead put 'life' or some other word.
There you go! I hope this review was helpful. I really, really enjoyed reading this so make sure that you write many more poems.
I love this it was well written and I can relate to it. Good work.
I really do love this poem. I, too, live in a dream world to escape reality, so I like how this poem describes it.
Living in a dream
The only changes I would make are small changes to make it more consise. You certainly don't have to accept my changes. It's only a matter of opinion.
Spoiler
is quite the thing (maybe change to 'is just what I need')
It hides the pain(s)
and (the) misery (change misery to miseries)
Dreams are (the) things
We make (to) believe (in).
It's quite the thing indeed
We hide in dreams
to get away from reality.
It may not seem
but we (escape)
Escape from reality
In a dream
The changes I added are only suggestions. The message you have is very clear and tells a wonderful story. Keep writing more of these so I have good things to review!
<3-------KY
Thanks! For the info I just started writing poems so I was nervous about putting it on here.
This is your first? That's amazing! I used to write poetry, but now I'm more of a fiction writer.
Cool! I also have been trying to write a book. I thought it would be easy, but I quickly figured out that I was wrong. It's a lot harder than it looks.
Have you considered NaNoWriMo? It's where you try to write a novel in a month. It's how I got my first novel started. Something about the deadline really inspires you to not trash your work. Plus, you get prizes if you finish that help you get published.
I don't do well with pressure!
Hey there!
I wasn't sure what to expect when i clicked on this, but I was pleasantly surprised with your poem! I just wanted to share, what your poem means to me. I'm a lucid dreamer, and that's the first thing that came to my mind when reading this. Whenever I'm sad or mad, having a lucid dream makes me feel so much better. It's just like your poem says, "We hide in dreams
to get away from reality"
Anyhow, the flow and rhythm is consistent throughout. I don't see any errors, so good job!
Keep Writing,
~Nora