z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language

The Stark Beginnings of Reggie and Linda

by FrostyDelight


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

Hey guys! I literally just made an account here- I've been lurking for a while and there's some great writers and an even greater community here! This is the first time I've ever published anything, so I hope you enjoy. It's not very good, but I love to improve, so please tell me what you do and don't like about it! Thanks :)

It broke her hear the first time she saw him. Little Reggie- a tiny, black lab who had a stubby tail from birth. The box he was sitting in was stained with piss and feces from the times he was stuck in there to do his business. They had found him in an old depilated building near the decaying west side, right on 3rd street. A concerned citizen eventually heard Reggie’s cries and decided to call the animal shelter. When they finally got there, poor Reggie wasn’t much more than a poor ball of fur. In the first few weeks of his rehabilitation in the animal shelter, he had whole patches of hair missing and the caretakers learned that one of his eyes didn’t work as well as the other. It was a shame, because he’d had been a beautiful little puppy otherwise. Reggie hadn’t grown at all, until Linda took one look at him and decided to take the dog home. She couldn’t stand the way he shivered or the hope in the non-damaged eye of his.

To Reggie, that day was the best of his life. As she carried him from the pound and into the car, he sniffed in wonder. The world was full of so many different scents they all mixed together to make a steaming pot that smelled vaguely like fast food and grass. The stubby tail of his thumped against the seat when drove home. In his excitement, he had accidently wet the seat. Opps. Linda didn’t seem to mind too much, she just picked him up gently and continued to clean the seat and himself with one of those pamper wet wipes. A slight breeze swept past and he shivered.

“You’ll be okay buddy,” she said into one of his ears, and bounced him in her arms all the way into the house.

To her, the day she took the puppy in, had been one of the worst of her life. It wasn’t him that made it the worst day, but the shit that happened before she went to the animal shelter. Early that morning, she had woken up to a voice message. Her boyfriend, drunk as a skunk, had left a message detailing the wonderful night he had with a Rebecca and how he had finally found another girl that wasn’t a ‘mousy, smelly, earth-loving bitch’ and so on. She knew that their relationship had been rocky for a while now, but she never thought he’d break up with her over a fucking voice message. That hadn’t been the thing that made her day total shit, no, she could deal with a pratsy ex-boyfriend. There were no tears shed over that dickhead. What got her was the one letter she had been waiting for. For 2 months.

Linda Berksmith,

We’re sorry to inform you. . .

And so on.

Two breakups in one day, she thought. Or rather, one physical breakup and another door slammed in her face. Stumbling over the ratty motel-estque carpet of her apartment, Linda dumped the open letter onto the beat up coffee table she had pawned for at a flea market a few weeks ago. She sat slumped over on it for what felt like hours until finally, an idea popped into her mind. Grabbing her keys, the engine roared to life and off she was to get a damn dog. Any dog would have been nice, just one she just take care of in her shithole on an apartment that would keep a young woman company. In the city streets of New York she had grown up in, there was no room for dogs. Barely any room for her, either. Entering the pound, her eyes searched around warily for any pup that looked like it would get along. A roughed up black puppy looked up at her. It was so incredibly small and the cage was so big, she almost missed him.

“Hey,”she called her to the front desk, “Tell me about this one.”

“Oh honey, you don’t want him. We found him practically in a dumpster, half alive- here, we have much better selections over by the—“

“I’ll take him.”

And that’s how the legacy of Reggie and Linda came to be.


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151 Reviews


Points: 3592
Reviews: 151

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Sat Dec 30, 2017 10:59 pm
Junel wrote a review...



Hey there! Junel here for a review day review!

First, the not so fun nitpicks and suggestions:

Ok, so my first thought when I opened this and saw your first paragraph was "Ahhhh that's long" and you repeat this throughout your chapter. Long paragraphs scare me because one, they usually should be split up, two they usually have run-on sentences, and three (the worst thing) is they just simply cause eye strain making them no fun to read.

So here is my way I would edit your first paragraph (bold is my edits)

It broke her hear the first time she saw him. Little Reggie- a tiny, black lab who had a stubby tail from birth. The box he was sitting in was stained with piss and feces from the times he was stuck in there to do his business. They had found him in an old depilated building near the decaying west side, right on 3rd street. A concerned citizen eventually heard Reggie’s cries and decided to call the animal shelter. When they finally got there, poor Reggie wasn’t much more than a poor ball of fur.
new paragraphIn the first few weeks of his rehabilitation in the animal shelter, he had whole patches of hair missing and the caretakers learned that one of his eyes didn’t work as well as the other. It was a shame, take out because he’d heve been a beautiful little puppy otherwise. Reggie didn’t grow at all.
new paragraphUntil Linda took one look at him and decided to take the dog home. She couldn’t stand the way he shivered or the hope in the non-damaged eye of his.


So just edit your work like I did here splitting up these long paragraphs.

Otherwise, though your story is really good, and has a great start. Your imagery, especially at the beginning is super strong, but later it kinda loses its momentum, so just try to keep it up.

Sláinte -Junel




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Points: 946
Reviews: 31

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Wed Dec 13, 2017 2:25 am
shusher wrote a review...



The language is REALLY strong, and most of the words start losing their impact when this happens.

I did a small chuckle at the end.

One thing I'd really like in this is description of the miserable girl with the two breakups. The imagery of the dog is about the only thing that's really strong for picture. The story is super real, I'd almost put 'realistic' as a tag. It's funny, but sometimes, so is life. I'm sorry I don't have much more to offer for you. Hope you have a good day.



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Thank you for reviewing! Yeah, I completely agree about the language. I wrote this almost a year ago and I was reading lots of Stephen King novels at the time (and you know how his language is). I kind of cringed rereading it, but it's alright. You have a good day too :)




Poetry is like a bird, it ignores all frontiers.
— Yevgeny Yevtushenko