Published April 30, 2007
Why couldn’t she tell him
how she felt?
He had said he liked her
But is it anything more than that?
She may never know.
They said she acted like she loved him,
but it would be fine with her
if they stayed friends.
But then there is always that thought,
Dormant and engraved into her mind.
Always that hope.
That drives the mind insane.
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140,571 Literary Works • 673,516 Reviews
_frenchilla_
Not much to get excited about. The reader recognizes the situation but is given nothing in the way of a POV or insight that attempts to push beyond simple recognition.
Best,
Brad
There isn't a whole lot to this...Apeva is right! Although, I would have hoped not to be as blunt as she was.
There isn't anything about this that really stands out. I suggest you read poetry; that is the best way to learn how to write it! Read, read, read. You need to put emotions into poems, show, don't tell. I read a poem to get something in return, to feel something or think something new, but this didn't leave me with anything. Think about that: what do you want your reader to feel?
Best of luck!
Frankly, I think there's too many pronouns.
Poetry should not just be a clump of words. It should be artistic; it should make you SEE not READ. Show, don't tell. I read poems like this daily and frankly, it's cliche, boring, and I usually stop reading halfway through. Describe the emotions this girl feels. Do they writhe? Do they resemble something feeling wise or appearance wise? Use metaphors, similes, symbolism, onomatopoeias, colors, and anything else you can think of to create an illusion or image, not just something that sounds like a one-sided conversation.
I liked this. It's a different approach to the romance poetry of today and it outlines a lot of different possible relationships the girl would like with the boy.
I like how she is fine with just being friends, but deep inside, she's thinking, maybe I want it to be more?
I suppose many people can relate to that and that is what makes a good piece of writing. ^^
I liked it.
Quite nice. The general idea is in many ways outworn, so I think you need a bit more spark to pull it off. You've got a nice tone, and I like the ending, but I think you need to put in something more unique.
I don't really get a feel for the "she" youre talking about. You might want to build on that.
Also think about how you want to break up the lines.. especially in the last stanza, I don't think the full-stops work well. Makes the flow choppy.
Anyway, not too bad, but I'd like to see your next draft.