Wished Away

The wish.
You left.
I cried.
The love, the times, I wished.
The wars, the forgiveness, I wished.
The smiles, the laughter, I wished.
But mine was not to be.
Yours were, was.
The blood, the darkness, you hated.
The orders, the emptiness, you hated.
The coldness, the anger, you hated.
I was here, but you neglected.
The wish was yours, you embraced it.
We were one,
shared smiles, had fun,
But now you expect me to stay?
While you wish away?
Should I give up?
For you to say no, I wished.
But it was not meant to be.
You left me.

Comments & reviews · 5
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PoeticGlow
Review

Vague or not, I think this is actually a nice little piece! The length is appropriate, and the flow is decent! I like your conclusion, as well; very bluntly stated, but it seems to hit the reader!

Good job! :)

User avatar
amandajo
Comment

I love this, it's awesome. Sad emotions, angry emotions. They swirl together and create the perfect mixture. Good job. (sorry for the pointless reply, just thought it was good and a bit gone right now)

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FreedAlice Comment

Vague was exactly how I felt when I wrote this. And rest assured, I'll work on developing it. :)

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Sassykat
Review

I thought this was very interesting. It was a little vague, but perhaps this only adds to the, maybe, woozy sensation of a girl who just had her heart broken? Perhaps, though, you could simply make it a little more clear what this "wish" was and where it came from. I was a little confused. Is is magic? Something that only existed in their imaginations?

I think this is a cool poem, and that it should be developed.



A big mountain of sugar is too much for one man. I can see now why God portions it out in those little packets.
— Homer Simpson