I, my dear, am a cat, and as a cat, I simply must say that I love this world. The human world is like a book, each an every lifespan a story in itself. With that in mind, any recollection of my lifespan would be considered a novel with over a million pages, even with the smallest font manageable. However, this isn't exactly about me. Let me tell you a story I hold dear to my heart, two lives that I'd come across during my journey into the human world.
* * * * *
Once upon a time, there was a dragon and a dragon slayer who- Actually, no. Let me start from where this all actually began. Once upon a time, there was a dragon slayer who was on a quest away from his Master to learn more about the land. The dragon slayer’s name was Dagon and he wanted to know more about dragons and the rest of the lands than the biased nonsense his Master always spouted. Did dragons really deserve to die by a dragon slayer’s hands? This was one of the many questions Dagon had intended to find out.
During his journey, Dagon met a girl named Slain. She was tough and could fight her way out of anything, but she was also a kind and gentle soul, outside of fighting that was. Unaware that Slain was a dragon, he invited her to see the land for what it was with him, introducing himself as a simple, travelling hunter. Dagon and Slain met different kinds of people, ate all sorts of food made from both common and exotic ingredients, tried on new and unique types of clothing, and saw different kinds of landscapes and buildings.
Dagon and Slain were having lots of fun, that is, until Slain’s bracelet was stolen off her wrist by a filthy pickpocket. It was one she’d always worn and Dagon never asked about it in case it came from a deceased special someone. Slain immediately ran off into the forest, leaving Dagon behind, as soon as the bracelet was off her wrist. Dagon, wondering if Slain was okay, went after her. Slain ran until she’d reached a clearing, falling to the ground before she could run anymore and groaning in pain.
Before Dagon’s eyes, Slain’s bones seemed to deform and nearly pierce her skin. Her eyes ran through all the colors of the rainbow before settling on an eerie, glowing green. Her skin stretched and was shredded as a layer beneath, one made of a tight, firm substance, was growing. Slain’s hair fell in a puff, her scalp hardening and becoming longer, narrow, curvier. It wasn’t long before Slain stood before him as a full-fledged dragon, albeit a little smaller than most, but still a dragon nonetheless.
Dagon couldn’t believe his eyes. She was a beautiful dragon indeed but his heart began to be filled with betrayal. He’d finally seen the dragon for who she was but couldn’t rid himself of the feeling of being deceived this entire time. Dagon pulled the sword from his side, distancing himself from this self-serving, lying creature.
* * *
The dragon, upon seeing the dragon slayer for who he was, felt equally betrayed and immediately fled. The dragon slayer didn’t bother going after the dragon yet again, instead choosing to vent his feelings of being hurt into his hunting. The hearts of both the dragon and the dragon slayer were filled with turmoil.
The dragon and the dragon slayer parted ways, never having spoken or met again. The end. Or, at least, it was supposed to end there. But, you see, I don’t like unresolved stories like that. And yes, I must admit that I have a terrible habit of tampering with others’ lives. I am a cat, and therefore, mischievous in nature. I can’t help but want to be a part of another person’s narrative. It’s hardly fair that a cat like me doesn’t get as much screen time as I very obviously deserve.
Anywho, back to the story of the dragon and the dragon slayer. One day, years later, the dragon came to realize she was dying. She didn’t know how, but she’d been poisoned. As she lay dying, I, the dreaded, infamous- oops, I mean loved, famous- black cat, approached her. I felt her wants and desires radiate into my bones.
Recognition colored her voice. "You are... the black cat..? Why've you come?"
“I can grant your wish,” I purred as I sauntered up to her large body. “But it will not be free, and the price will be of my choosing.”
The dragon deeply considered the meaning of my words, but I could sense the desperation that was nearly the only thing keeping her alive.
* * *
“I wish to see him once more, even if only for a moment.”
The dragon was sure of her wish. She was dying anyways. What more could she lose? The dragon only really wanted to apologize to Dagon after all, for keeping what she really was from him. He’d also kept the truth from her as well, but she hadn’t really cared about that. She only flew away that day because she was hurt he would even think to draw a sword, that he would step back as if she were a monster. He was just surprised is all, and this could have been resolved if she hadn’t turned and ran, but instead simply spoke to him.
* * *
I saw a resolution form inside her eyes. I lowered my head against her nose, my whiskers brushing against the tight, coarse skin of her face. “Consider it done. Now, about the price... You will know what it is when I have chosen it. Until then, you need not worry about it.”
With those words, I left the dragon. Now, I had to find that dragon slayer, wherever he was.
* * *
The dragon awaited the arrival of her old friend, but he hadn’t appeared, not even hours after that strange cat had left. Perhaps wishes take time to be granted. It was thoughts like those that the dragon kept running through her mind, desperate not to lose hope. She didn’t want to believe that the cat was lying to her, which it easily could have, given the dragon’s vulnerability and gullibility.
Slain closed her eyes, tired from everything. When she opened her eyes again, it seemed a few days had passed. She was a dragon, and had a natural instinct for being able to understand the passage of time, even when she was asleep. She was now nearly paralyzed, not having any energy to really do anything other than the occasional twitch of her limbs and wings. Right when the dying dragon had given up all hope of seeing her old friend, Dagon had finally arrived.
* * *
He slowly walked up to her, confusion set in his eyes. The dragon was sure he’d recognized her. Her heart leapt with joy despite its sluggish pace. The dragon slayer moved around to examine her weak, frail body. The dragon made a small noise, bringing the dragon slayer back to her range of sight. The dragon slayer took one last, lingering look at the dragon’s nearly unmoving body and gave a slight nod as if understanding something.
The dragon suddenly felt a terrible feeling emanating from the dragon slayer. His aura was very dark, a muddle of colors where she couldn’t really make out anything specific. The dragon’s heart dropped into the pit of her stomach as the dragon slayer pulled out his sword. The dragon silently begged him not to do it, a tear escaping as the last thing the dragon saw was Dagon driving his sword into her.
* * *
I silently sauntered up to him, my tail swishing behind me, finally deciding to reveal myself from my hiding spot. It was a great show really, other than the fact that the temperature was a bit colder than I would have liked. The dragon slayer turned to look at me, his face still crumpled in confusion.
“Perrrrfect,” I mewled. “Now, please scrape some scales from the back of her head. They are still their original color and would sell for quite a lot.”
“And,” the dragon slayer hesitated. “After this, I have to do two more tasks. Then I can meet Slain again? Will these scales help me find her or something?”
“Hm? No.” My laugh was even harsher than the coldest winter in the North. “The scales are for me. It’s difficult to get ahold of dragons, much less get their scales, so this will get me a lot of gold. A client of mine is actually dying, with a dragon’s scale being the only ingredient missing to the antidote I’m going to give him. I’m sure to also receive something good from that contract.”
“Then what about my old friend? Do these inane tasks have nothing to do with meeting her again? I didn’t forge this contract so I could do things for you.”
“Oh, right, yes. I nearly forgot.” I sighed, trying not to let that hint of smile creep grow any larger. “You wanted to apologize, right? Oops, well, you see... I needed her scales more. Maybe you should have been more specific in your wish. Sorry, mate.”
The dragon slayer fell to his knees, my insincere tone obvious in that meaningless apology. He was whispering to himself in shock, a pathetic display for someone who was a disciple of my dear friend.
I sniffed and swished my tail. “Well, I must have you know I did not go back on my end of the contract. I said I’d let you two meet. But, you see, I was a just little slippery with my interpretation of your wish. Ah, and one more thing, just so you don’t conveniently forget in all your grief and mourning. I’ll still call on you for the other two tasks you owe me. I’m very strict when it comes to the things I receive, I’m afraid.”
I walked away, feeling a strong desire in a town about half a mile away. Oh, how I loved pitiful, desperate souls. The strong feeling of wanting something was a monster in and of itself. It was something that devoured humans from the inside out, sometimes even hurting others in the process. The best part is the actual wish-making. These humans can never word anything right. All they have is their strong desire to lead them to wherever the hell they think they should be. This is a weakness of theirs that I just love to exploit.
Hmm? What of the dragon slayer, you say? Well, I don’t know. I also don’t care. But let me say this one thing. I can’t say I hadn’t seen it coming. It was painfully obvious that their destiny was determined from the beginning, before they’d even met, perhaps. A dragon and a dragon slayer. What other fate could they have other than the dragon slayer slaying the dragon, especially one named Slain? Only a nonexistent one. But, at least I was able to make an appearance in their story. My existence can only be strengthened as I make more appearances in others' stories, make a lasting mark in their tiny lifespans, and more people learn of my being.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
-Deskreview-
Hey so, reading through this piece, it is very inconsistent in the fact that there are some really good aspects... and some really bad ones.
First of all, the plot line was gripping. It is a classic love/friendship story but with the added twist of the two being 'mortal enemies'. Tigeraye mentioned a lot of aspects which I will omit reiterating, to reduce confusion.
One part that I just cannot ignore however, is the Cat. Now, I assume you have a fond affection for the 'felinese' (as do I), however, I think the character does not fit in well with the scenario. Ignoring the fact that the Cat is smarmy and I literally want to throttle him, he fails in many points. Firstly, if he is the narrator, due to his personality I would have expected him to have very personal touches to the story. I would imagine that he would be truly disparaging of the two characters and make them sound less sympathetic (his manipulative nature would call for HIM to be the sympathetic one).
Second of all, why would Dagon listen to the cat again, after he was duped the first time. The cat hasn't shown any powers, he hasn't "granted" a wish as such (I could have granted that wish for him). The point is, there's no reason that Dagon should carry out the other two mystery tasks, save for a random contract, Which to me, isn't very convincing as I'm sure Dagon could make mincemeat of the little kitten.
I can kind of see that it is a story-within-a-story kind of thing, but I think to make it more effective, you should have had a paragraph dedicated to introducing the cat. This may have made the story itself a bit more effective and understandable. As it sits now, it is a bit of a jumble unfortunately.
On the upside, it does contain a lot of good material which I'm sure you can put to good use after some tweaking and editing.
Good luck!
I have mixed feelings about this opening paragraph. The concept is very interesting, I've always thought about writing a story about a world with dragons and dragon slayers as well. But I think it's kind of worded poorly. Not a fan of the "here we go--wait, no! Let me start over" shtick. It's just confusing. Also, Dagon is a terrible choice for a main character in a story about dragons. That's just going to be super confusing and odd. Also, I don't want to know what he thinks of the Master's teachings this early. I want to know who the Master is first, and why I should invest in him before I agree or disagree with his beliefs. Most of this can be fixed with better wording.
Another confusing name -_-
Stealing a bracelet right off the arm takes some kind of skill x_x
WHOA! This is amazing! I wrote a story about someone turning into a dragon before and you don't know how much I struggled at writing the description of the act. You completely nailed it! This is an amazing twist, well done.
wut
So, the narrator is admitting all this is just made up? eh, that's an immersion killer.
...
So, this is a story, alright. Your writing style is definitely unique, to say the least, in an interesting way - your work definitely sticks out amongst others. The plot here is definitely intriguing, and your narrative is curious enough to make me want to continue reading.
The twist about the narrator being a cat and actually being inserted into the story...eh. Too farfetched for me, didn't really like it. Would rather have seen more interaction between Slain and Dagon, as that was the most interesting aspect of your story, but you ended up washing it away for conversations with a cat. Building up their relationship and then having Dagon decide whether or not he'd end up killing her would've been more intriguing to me. "Slain" ending up being slain was a funny touch of foreshadowing that I kinda figured would happen half way through. Overall, I like your style and the concept, but I don't think you took this story in the best possible direction.
Hello!
First of all...this story was amazing. You effectively pulled the reader along from one moment to the other. The wit and diction was spot on. Your straightforward tone made the story that much more tragic. All I can really say is wow. I didn't expect the circumstances to work out as they did. It was so tragic, which made the story very beautiful. I felt Dagon's anguish, and can feel the sense of defeat. It was so sweet how the two of them both wished to see the other, but the narrator completely blew the situation up in their faces. I really enjoyed this story. Your voice is very strong and really shines throughout the story.
At first I was very skeptical about having the majority of the story as expository, but in the end you really brought the whole thing together. One thing I would toy with though, is to experiment with adding some more scenes into the story. Scenes allow the reader to be fully emerged in the story. This allows the reader to feel closer to the characters. The beginning of the story is difficult for the reader to really relate or feel for the characters. The reader feels distant from the story. I think if you added some scenes to the beginning it may make it stronger. I would also reccomend removing some of your conversational text. The reader is jolted from the story when the character of the cat is introduced. Who is the main character? After reading, I would say that the cat is the main character, because he is described more in depth than any other character. This creates an issue because, the cat doesn't experience any change or any obstacles. Dagon and Slain are the one's experiencing the conflict. I think it would benefit your story if you added more about them. Allow the reader to interact with them, because they are what makes the story.
Other than that pointer, there were just a few fragment sentences throughout your story. Everything else was killer. I loved reading your story. It was really good, and I hope to read more of what you write
-PP