I have loved some perfect men
Who I've made up from scratch
I've took a person, here and there;
Designed the perfect match.
These perfect men that I have planned
I've made them out of boys.
They are not who I’d have them be
They are not merely toys.
When I first noticed this in me
I made a solemn vow
To never feel that way again
You see it in me now.
These days, when I find quite the guy,
I always play pretend
That he will someday break my heart
And there I let it end.
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140,218 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hey there
My god this was such an amazing piece that I read it twice... I have to tell you that I loved it and was surprised that I hadn't read this before. ..
I have to tell you that the grammar and punctuation were perfect along with the plot which was new and different. .. I have never read any poem like this and m sure to say you that I enjoued it so damn much
Please keep writing because u r a great writer
And a happy review day
Umaima
Hey! Hightop here to review on this nice review day! Let's get to it!
That should be "I've taken".
Your word choice her was below par. Want to know why? Rhyming schemes. Rhyming schemes will shrink the pool of words you can choose from, and in the end, make your poem look juvenile and childish. Free verse poetry would be your friend here. It would let you choose better words and really express what you're trying to say.
On content, I'm not really sure what you're trying to say with this poem. Are you saying that you misuse boys, change them into something they're not, and then get offended when they break your heart? It's unclear.
I would suggest revising this. Try to make what you're saying more clear. Also think if the way you're saying it, I.e the structure if the poem.
-Hightop
Hello,
It feels rather sad the way you put it. I understand every word of it and every fear that you hold, because of getting your heart broken. But isn't that how it's supposed to be? Unless one tries to put themselves out there in the world. They would never experience something as wonderful as love.
Heart breaks are painful, but if you never experience one you'll never really find what you're truly looking for. There is no perfect anything for that matter. It's how one views it.
At the end of the day it's only the experience that'll give you the courage to face your fears and go out there in the world and enjoy it.
I don't wanna seem boring by lecturing you about your poem. It's beautiful nevertheless. I hope you find someone to love (If it is you the poem refers to).
Best of Luck.
Anouk!
Hi! I'm going to review this poem
I'm pretty sure this is improper. It should be "taken" instead of "took." I'm also not really sure what you're trying to say with this particular line. What do you mean by "taken a person?" Is that supposed to have some kind of significance? I also don't understand the comma usage there either.
This feels slightly contradictory because they are previously called "perfect men." If that's the case then they must be exactly what she wants them to be right? Because they're perfect so they shouldn't be refered to as otherwise because that steps on your own toes.
So I definitely see potential in this poem. When I started reading I was under the impression that she created perfect men because she couldn't find any good enough ones but at the end
I started to think she was with guys who were just okay and she built them up in her heads to be something greater than they were. I like both ideas, the second one seems more likely to be the subject of this poem. But there are some lines that I feel don't make sense to the overall goal of the poem at all. Like the line about toys feels out of place. Maybe readers would get it more if you explained what it means and why it's relevant to the outcome?
So yeah, generally this is a good start and the rhythm of the lines is pretty good, but it needs some clrification. Keep working!
Change out
Love this
. The whole thing just flowed so beautifully and the rhymes felt extremely natural. It's quite short, but I feel that it is better that way anyway. I can definitely relate to the concept of this poem, and I very much like all the truth you hold behind it. Nice job 
My favorite line by far is...
"These days, when I find quite the guy,
I always play pretend
That he will someday break my heart
And there I let it end."
Hope this helped!!! Keep writing!
Hi Frances,here is Dark to make review on your poem.
.Anyway,cheers.Keep it up(Not mentioned about grammar,because I am totally fail when it comes to grammar^^)
First of all,I think I know what you are trying to convey here in your poem.But there are some lines in this poem that is not structured(well-organized).I can't even see the link in between them and drastically,makes me confuse when reading your poem here.And suddenly,Its remind me about 'gladiator' or maybe something else from this lines:
# I've took a person, here and there;
Designed the perfect match.
I see your point here,and I like the last 2 lines when you say,"If someday,he breaks my heart,I will let it end."This is quiet nice to read.Others,you need to make it more clearly.I know you can do better than this,please don't get upset with my words here
Kudos,
~Dark