Alone with him. Alone without him. Torn up, torn out, reduced to other, outsider. Looking in to happy homes, not quite believing they are happy, because happy doesn’t exist. Brainwashing is a misleading term, your mind isn’t clean, not washed or purified, but so befuddled by his lies that it is clouded, broken, dusty from disuse. He fills your head with his thoughts, his wants, until your own mind and spirit are choked from it. You spend your time trying to maintain order, maintain peace, but peace is broken by only his mood, you have no control of your life, your home, your hope. Only fear and reactionary dissociation. I am not here. I am alone.