Blanketing the ground, sugar-like snow…
… Atop a dead branch, a dark and disturbing crow.
… Not a person in sight for kilometers.
Not even small or big critters…
Eyes of The Doll shine with the color of tears-
It looks outside, no one cares.
Its smile is a line that stays like a permanent marker-
Keeps her intact like glue, but it’s not a happy mark.
Thread-like and dyed to the color of caramel,
Hair of The Doll flows down like a waterfall.
Its face resembles a cherub’s and cuteness swells,
Shows patience yet anxiety emerges from within, in all.
Red roses make The Doll’s dress-
Smells like honey and cherries.
Its rainbow-colored shoes made to impress-
They are the shade of berries.
The Doll waits for something-
What is this one thing?
It debates if it will come-
Settles to wait a some.
Monster eats at The Doll-
From the inside of its heart to its semblance.
It beats The Doll senseless-
The monster will never go away at all.
Monster eats The Doll,
Walls move closer and closer to it, after all.
The Doll’s mind discloses negative thoughts-
They make The Doll doubt if it will come and rots.
… It left.
It gave in to its mind and the monster,
But the walls did not daunt her.
The Doll stood up and walked away,
Like a worker quitting his job at bay.
It could not keep waiting for it.
What did The Doll wait for?
I wrote this poem in the late winter. My inspirations for this poem was the poem The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe and the movie Toy Story 3. I hope you enjoyed the poem!
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When I saw the title of this poem I thought of this book by Mary Downing Hahn called The Doll In The Garden. She's a really good thriller writer for adolescents. She's also written Wait Till Helen Comes, both are fantastic stories if you ever get the chance to read them, though they're a bit older.
Aaaaanyway. I thought it was a little iffy. The rhythm was a bit iffy at times and the word usage could be a bit better seeing that a lot of people were really confused. You don't want to Tell your readers whats going on, but at the same time you want to give them a few subtle hints as to what the true meaning is.
Hope this helps! =]
Hi,
Honesly, I didn't really enjoy this. It didn't really grasp and hold my attention nor interest. It was very well-written, though it had a few errors. The -'s and ...'s were not needed and made me want to stop reading.
Farewell,
A.
The imagery was great but I also was confused about the message. But I'm confused about a lot of things so I wouldn't take it personal.
I would usually say the .......s at the beginning don't fit or make sense. But for this poem, it did make sense to me. It was like I was watching a movie. And I love watching movies so ...
The rhyming in some places seemed awkward like you only used that word because nothing else would fit. For example;
Of course that does seem pretty far for a doll but this part just doesn't roll of the tongue. I do have to say this though because it was one of my favorite parts.
Beautiful.
HAPPY REVIEW DAY! : )
Symbolic, deep, and creepy. Love it! I think it flowed well, and you did a really good job describing and explaining details. That's one of the things that make a poem good. Again, lovin the creepy factor, it enhances the deep. dark, mysterious message that lay in the poem. Awesomness!
As of everyone above me, i to am puzzled by this poem. The imagery was good, as i could sense the dolls emotions, but the term 'monster' i was abit confused by. Im not quite sure whether it was figurative or a noun. Otherwise, good use of words
Black Ink x.
It sounds pretty scary but overall I loved it and I thought that it was alittle confusing. I think that you need to rhyme alittle more!!!
~Pixie2~
Like the others that posted comments, I really liked the imagery but didn't quite understand the message. However, I just joined the YWS, so it could just be that I'm not used to understanding the inner meanings of poems just yet...nonetheless, maybe you could be a little more explanatory? Overall, though, I thought the descritions and attention to detail were fantastic! Good work! (:
Love the poem but didn't quite understand the message.. I would love to know about it if you please.
Hey
loved the imagery in this poem. the way you've portrayed the dolls emotions just wonderful. Imagery was vivid and clear in my minds eye. lol though at times i may have gotten a bit confused with this poem i feel it was awesome. What is the monster explain it a bit more, or is the monster more of a figurative term for death or something. this was where i got confused. go over it a bit it would help.
Toly
Reserved for a later time.