Wintry Thoughts

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I was inspired by the weather. I'm not much of a poet, but I get the occasional spurt of (probably misplaced) confidence to try my pen at one, so feel free to tear this to shreds and help me improve. A Happy New Year to anyone who decides to critique! ;)

Wintry Thoughts

Snow is falling, snowflakes
melting cold - burning ice
settling like wedding lace,
white - on mittens, crowns
of soft pearls adorn hats.
Thuds on windows - spatter,
snowballs fly through the maelstrom
of shouts, laughter; the cold
evaporates in Christmas songs.

Fairy lights; red, white, golden
hot chocolate steams as logs crackle
the flames chase away winter
from clothes and hearts alike.
Traces of the past, covered
by howling winds; rain freezes
into heaps - grow into snowmen.
In winter silence, there exists
only the present moment.

Smiles of warmth-filled memories
resurrect frozen traditions -
as friends, families - together
create the magic of the season
- one whole.

Comments & reviews · 4
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TheWalkinDude
Review

Winter is not one of my favorite seasons. I'm a summer and fall person, because that's when all the swimming, camping, and hiking is! But despite the fact of winter not being my favorite season, I still got a bit of a warm, fuzzy feeling inside reading this. It seems to have been written to make the reader feel cozy and warm despite the season and even maybe brings up a sense of nostalgia, maybe? I'm not sure. Of course, I have to agree with the others that have commented on this: keep the punctuation under control! I can understand that sometimes putting dashes and commas and things like that in different places gives it a bit of an effect upon the reader, but this has them in unnecessary places. All this does is confuse the reader and throw him/her off the poem entirely.

User avatar
ziggiefred
Review

Hello there :)
First of all, I have never seen snow before because it doesn't snow where I live and so I was expecting to get the feel from your poem. I was kind of impressed.

burning ice
I really like that exaggeration.

In general, I found this poem a little confusing because your punctuations were all over the place. Get it under control please. I tried to follow but the flow was off and I couldn't tell lines apart. I feel your poem meant well but it needs some tweaking here and there and the removal of some of these dashes (-).

Keep writing and good luck!

User avatar
Boolovesyou
Review

Fountainquill wrote:I was inspired by the weather. I'm not much of a poet, but I get the occasional spurt of (probably misplaced) confidence to try my pen at one, so feel free to tear this to shreds and help me improve. A Happy New Year to anyone who decides to critique! ;)

Wintry Thoughts

Snow is falling, snowflakes
melting cold - burning ice Okay, so I might not know what I am talking about, but why is the dash there? Its confusing seems like it should be a comma?
settling like wedding lace,
white - on mittens, crowns
of soft pearls adorn hats.Comma between pearls and adorn. Unless thats not what you meant and I am reading it wrong possibly ?
Thuds on windows - spatter,
snowballs fly through the maelstrom
of shouts, laughter; the cold
evaporates in Christmas songs.
I really like that line!

Fairy lights; red, white,#FF0000 ">and golden#FF0000 ">. Unless your trying to say golden hot chocolate? If that is the case you need to change something there.
hot chocolate steams as logs crackle
the flames chase away winter#FF0000 ">,
from clothes and hearts alike.
Traces of the past, covered
by howling winds; rain freezes
into heaps - grow into snowmen.
In winter silence, there exists
only the present moment.

Smiles of warmth-filled memories
resurrect frozen traditions -
as friends, families - together
create the magic of the season
- one whole.


This greatly confused me. It was probably the grammar I did not get. Its a sweet poem though.



The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment.
— T. H. White