I'm warning you before you read that this is just a frivolous piece I wrote last year, simply for amusement and entertainment. However, I would appreciate critiques, both good and bad, all the same.
You're up at the post, the bell's soon to ring,
Telling your horse that it's the real thing.
You're poised in the saddle, weighed down by lead
Your heart speeding up, your head filled with dread.
"They're off!" yells the announcer, calling the race,
You're out of the gate, setting the pace.
Passing the eighth, 22 seconds
A blazing stride, but the next post beckons.
Your horse is a sprinter in the 8 furlong ride
A mile's not bad, but you have to decide
Lay it off now? Let the sprinters catch up?
Or keep your horse at it, go for the cup?
You decide to back off, slow down the stride
The back runners are coming, turning out wide
You've got the rail, but the track is slow
They're catching up, now you need more go!
Passing three quarters, side by side,
He's cutting in front! You'll have to go outside.
You carry no whip, spurs do you no good,
So you rely on your voice - he understood.
He wants to go, but he's boxed in again,
Hurdle through the gap, and out of the pen
You see the front runners, slowly fading,
The late chargers are coming, the spots are trading.
This is your moment, your final chance!
The final hole, you give it a glance
The horse is sent through and does it with style
Making it all turn out worthwhile
The 7 mark pole flashes right by
And you and your horse are ready to fly
You ask him to go, and he obliges with ease
Passing each one, as they drop down like trees.
The final horse is right in front
You catch up to his flank with a tap and a grunt
The competition is stiff, there is not much time,
In 100 yards, the lights would be lime
One winner announced - which would it be?
The horses ran hard those last several feet.
Gaining momentum, and gathering speed,
As if they knew the very need
Your horse gives a bound, the last in effect,
A valiant try for the money to collect.
"Photo finish!" the announcer cries.
You walk your horse out, wishing for the prize.
A few moments later, and a number is flashed
The money will be drawn, soon to be cashed
But whose number is it? Who will it be?
Go check yourself, the winner was #3
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
nice! sounds intenst. i almost felt like i knew the feeling but i really don't. Great rhyming. I felt like the last part was a little weird, maybe you shouldn't have mentioned who was the winner though we have no idea who's number three but still. maybe you should have left that part out and maybe ended it at the finish line. it leaves us hanging better in my opinion.