Published November 23, 2012
Chapter One
The room was silent. The air was tense. All breathing in the room seemed to have stopped. Even mine. Everyone’s eyes glistened as they watch the clock, ticking ominously. A piercing sound rang through the air, causing an eruption of screams.
The shrieking children rushed out the door, candy canes and crafts in their hands. I let out a sigh of relief. Christmas break had finally arrived. Two weeks all to myself, away from mounds of papers to grade, two weeks with just my family and me.
After placing a grade on the final paper, I left the little elementary school in Munich for two weeks. Snow fell softly on the sidewalk, muffling the click-click of my heels. I loved the feeling of winter. There was always something poetic about the way the trees’ lanky, naked arms were like ink writings across the skyline. The snow seemed to be so pure and perfect, outlining exactly where children had been only moments before.
The crisp, cold air began to turn into a biting wind as I stepped inside the little store on my street. I smiled at the sweet smell of peppermint and chocolate that filled the room. Ivy green leaves and scarlet berries lined the counter, red ribbons curling themselves around the small Christmas flora.
“Miss Dresner! How are you this holiday season?” the scruffy man, who was only a few years older than myself, stepped out from the back room and to the counter.
“I’m very well thank you,” I said, smiling. It was strange how this man seemed to know me so well, even though I could barely remember his name. “What about yourself?”
He smiled. “Doing just fine.” He said it confidently, but there was some uncertainty hidden in his dark eyes. “Anyways, how can I help you?”
“I need some hair ribbons for my little sister, I completely forgot about her present!” I replied with a laugh. I was surprised at the variety of things still in stock in the small shop, what with the war going on between Germany and Poland.
“Well you’re in luck, we just got a new shipping today,” he said, pulling out a small wooden box filled with different assortments of colors.
“I’ll just take these,” I said, pulling out two reds, four blues, and two pinks. I slid the proper amount of money onto the counter as he placed the ribbons in a small bag.
“Thank you Mr. Gottlieb, and Merry Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas, Katarinna,” he whispered as I stepped out into the icy cold, the wind biting at my golden curls.
“And the mountains in reply, echoing their joyous strains,” the words of the Christmas carol rang through the night as my father, sister, mother and I walked through the streets. Our voices were hardly melodic as other neighborhood members began to join our caroling party.
The street lights glistened on the freshly fallen snow and a gentle, chilly wind was beginning to make our faces flush. Gretel, my little fifteen-year-old sister, and I tossed back our heads and laughed as we slid on the ice as if we were still children. “Katarinna, you know better,” my father said to me, his tone stern.
I bowed my head in disappointment and watched as Gretel and her friends giggled with a joyous childish glee. As a young woman of twenty four, it was improper for me to be one of “the children”. Teaching little children had not improved my proper behavior much.
“Silent night, Holy night,” the sound of glass breaking made our heads turn. I could see lights glimmering in the night and shards of glass glistening in the footprints made in the snow. Hoarse shouts rang through the night as I heard the ringing of more glass shattering.
“Kat, what’s going on?” Gretel asked me in her naïve, innocent way.
“I’m not sure,” I whispered, my heart pounding.
My father broke the silence of our group. “Come on, no need to worry, let us continue caroling.”
“All is calm, all is bright,” the song continued, but all was not calm. I could see the frantic eyes and puzzlement in our party’s faces.
The snow from my blonde hair quickly melted as I stepped inside my own home, the warm, cozy air pushing the sound of breaking glass to the back of my mind. The smell of peppermint and holly wafting through the house.
“Katarinna! You must get dressed! I laid out a new dress for you,” my mother said, her red lipstick mouth curving into a smile.
The green satin dress enwrapped my legs like a bell, the white lace covering my pale knees. My blonde hair fell down my back in golden curls, but I was unsatisfied with my appearance.
“Katarinna! You look beautiful,” my mother gushed as she stepped in my room.
“It doesn’t look complete,” I replied, unsure. It was Christmas dinner after all, and people I hardly knew would be there, I felt it was my duty to make a good impression.
My mother’s eyes swept over me, her lips pursed. “You’re right, one moment. I think I have just the thing.” She came back in what seemed like a millisecond with a glittering necklace. The ruby glistened against my bare skin, the diamonds adding a shimmering white light.
A knock interrupted the silence, and I could hear the buzzing of guests downstairs. “Oh dear! I forgot the wine!” My mother cried, rushing downstairs and leaving me alone.
I took in the site of myself in the mirror, but my mind kept wandering back to the night before when the sound of breaking glass joined our chorus of singing. I had wished all day that I could push the thought out of my head, but all my attempts had failed.
“Katarinna! Come downstairs!” Gretel’s voice called up the stairs. I took a deep breath, turning my focus to Christmas dinner, if I could focus on that for the next few hours, I would be alright.
The aroma of ham and freshly baked bread made my heart rejoice. The familiar warm feeling of Christmas filled the house as guests could be heard talking, wine sloshed in crystal glasses, and presents were opened by the children.
My mother smiled at me, red lipstick smeared across her mouth and her blue eyes glowing at the sight of our family and friends all together. My father’s arm snaked around her waist as he took a sip of the sparkling champagne. I had always admired how strong and bold my father was. He wore the tan uniform proudly, his blonde hair combed over to the side in the new Nazi officer style.
“Katarinna!” My little sister’s voice startled me and I turned to face her. Her wavy blonde hair fell across her shoulders and her blue eyes shimmered in the light of the Christmas tree. “Kat, this is Stefen.”
I turned to look at the boy, his hair a sandy color and his eyes a bright emerald green. His arm was linked around my sister’s like a metal clasp. I smiled at Gretel, knowing this was the boy she had had a crush on for the past six months. She had told me she met him at a Hitler Youth meeting, and although he was a year older than her, they seemed to be quite taken with each other. “Nice to meet you Stefen,” I said, giving a nod of approval.
A smile formed on Gretel’s face as her and Stefen rushed off to sit by the Christmas tree. Gretel was growing up so fast, it had seemed only a month ago when we would go ice skating on the nearby ponds in the winter. Although the gap between the two of us had been a little less than ten years we had always been close for as long as I could remember.
My family and I had always been close, we told each other everything. My mother and my sister were my best friends, and my father was always there for me if I needed something. I could never imagine having my own family and raising them to be better than my parents had raised me.
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Hey Forestqueen808
I really like your style of writing. It's really descriptive and pretty. I followed the story happy to know what was happening. What I didn't like was the switching between scenes. One minute Katarinna was in a shop and next she was suddenly outside in the evening with her family! I missed the swap over between the two scenes, and also when she is suddenly getting ready for a Christmas dinner. It would be a lot nicer if you could make the switch between scenes more clear.
I love the way you gradually gave information on Katarinna's appearance. I felt like I was piecing her together in my imagination and gave me a good imaginary vision of her.
Let me know when you post the next chapter. I would like to continue reading. It post on my wall when you do.
Deanie x
Hello, my name is Omniyus and I'll be reviewing your work today!!!!
so bear with me.
I do my reviews in two categories: Grammar and storyline. Each of these will have unamed subcategories. This is a somewhat new style of reviewing by me
Grammar: I didn't see anything wrong with the spelling and punctuation parts of this story, which is nice to see. The only thing that I could point out, which is a common mistake among all writers, and this is nit picky basically: You went from present to past tense in the beginning of your story. I don't know if this was intentional, but other than that, this piece is very good grammar-wise.
I give this piece a 9 out of 10 because you can always improve on grammar, even if I don't find it.
Storyline: I have to admit, and I feel pretty dumb for saying this, because it says it right in the title, but I didn't know what this was about in the beginning. The beginning paragraph was excellently written in my opinion, because it made the reader think that it was in the middle of a battle, but it was actually in the middle of school!
It gave a fake sense of calming sensation during the carolling, although something didn't seem fine. But that was shaken off when the dinner scene came.
Overall, I give this piece a 9 out of 10 in storyline. It didn't give much past, but on historical fiction, you don't need to. I loved this piece and I want so much more! Keep writing!
Hope this helped you on your adventure that is writing.
Omniyus