I love this.
z
Stars,
They twinkle in the sky.
Each one,
Something magnificent
In the making.
Stars,
Millions, Billions, Trillions.
Each one having the tiniest chance to be seen.
Humans,
Are the stars that litter the ground,
each so different from the next.
Humans,
Its so hard to meet the right one,
With so many running around.
And here I am, so lucky to have met you.
Wow, this is great! I love the comparison of humans to stars because stars are unique, and so are people!
I especially love this line:
"Each one having the tiniest chance to be seen."
(Is it fate that leads you to stumble upon the people you love? A question I think of when I read those words.)
There's one thing I'd probably change though, which is this line ( ):
"Humans,
Are the stars that litter the ground..."
Maybe I'm being a little picky, but I feel like "litter" wasn't the best word choice for a Valentine's Day poem about love and stars. Something more graceful (I honestly don't know how to word this, haha), perhaps?
Overall, it's an amazing piece of writing. Good job, and Happy Valentine's Day!
I loved how it is put up and how some of the stuff it bold. My favorite part is, "In the making.
Stars,
Millions, Billions, Trillions.
Each one having the tiniest chance to be seen.
Humans,
Are the stars that litter the ground,
each so different from the next.
Humans,"
The "Millions, Billions, Trillions." part reminds me of a song by Juliet simms.
Great job.
Hey Fluma! Danni here for a review!
I really love this poem. It was really beautiful and well-written. Such a good Valentine's Day poem.
Love the formatting! It really adds something.
This is soooooo beautiful! I love the meaning - it's so true! I actually can't think of any nitpicks, it's that good.
Overall, this is one of the best I have ever read. Keep up the good work, and happy Valentine's Day!
Danni x
Loved it.
This poem gets your mind flying up into the night sky, imagining every star in the multiverse.
Hello! First, I wanted to say that I really enjoyed the meaning of this poem. I thought it was very sweet, and a cute Valentine's Day poem. I really liked this poem, and most of the stuff I found was just about formatting and punctuation. Nice job!
One thing I noticed was that the first section of the poem about stars was kind of redundant and a little overly wordy. Or at least, the first two lines seemed to be.
"Stars/They twinkle in the sky."
In these lines, I would suggest removing "They" to create a smoother sentence flow between the two.
Another thing I noticed was that you have punctuation in places you don't need sometimes. For instance:
"Each one,/Something magnificent."
You don't need a comma after "Each one"
Maintaining proper punctuation in poetry can be hard when you have lots of enjambment in your lines like in this poem, but if you are confused about whether or not you should use punctuation, I always write out each sentence in the poem. So I would write out,:
"Each one something magnificent."
If you write it out as a normal sentence, you see that you wouldn't normally put a comma after "Each one". That's what I do, anyways.
Another thing I noticed is that you capitalize the first letter of every line. I would suggest only capitalizing if it's the first letter of a sentence.
Favorite line(s):
"Humans,
Its so hard to meet the right one,
With so many running around.
And here I am, so lucky to have met you."
Overall, I thought this was a very sweet and thoughtful poem. Keep writing!
ella
Hey there Kat here for a review!
It's really nice to see a romantic poem not chock full of all the sticky sappy sweet stuff that usually permeates love poems (especially this close to Valentins day). I thought your idea was incredibly original and I felt silly for never having made the comparison before! I also liked the use of bold words here. Sorry this is a tiny review but I did not have much to critique.
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
I'm not sure if I can say that there is anything wrong with this! You are starting to make this very hard, what the truck man!
From what I can see you don't have any more grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.
@Dreamworx95 @izanami @woahhitherepal @WhosabellCanWrite @TheBlueCat @LittleLee @269609 @Lake @LordTachanka @LadyLoki @AnneTaylor @Danni88 @GreenTea @Murphy2493 @Helena13 @emolemon @wordwing @SpaceSnickerdoodle @LJF @WanderlustStardust @emma1045 @Queentera40 @StupidSoup @wendylau98
Here's the newest poem! It's for Valentine's day, which is three days away!
Points: 131
Reviews: 17
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