Published December 31, 2007
The sound of sampled waves coming through the speakers
Here's a grunge lucidity
People dropping ropes
With people dangling beneath
On the bridge are streets of cars
For nothing more than static to play through
The hammers smashing windows
And the glass piles on the ground
Hush little darling don't say a word
Think of what you say before you speak
Sometimes firm shoulders can save the entire world
But it all depends on what lies beneath
Splashes in the water and we watch people show on the shore
I never knew a voice I'd heard so many times before
Could change in a single word
Scream like static as another one falls overboard
I'm trying to write a song but I can't find the right chord
Hush little darling don't say a word
I can't bear to hear you change
Sometimes it's better to stop the entire world
But I can't decide if it's loved or deranged
Our windows smashed open, the glass flies and cuts my eye
The time rolls on and underneath my shoulder you scream and cry
The sound of sampled waves coming through the speakers
Watch the Window break
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141,422 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
Brilliant. The first thing that springs to my mind after reading this piece is a cord dangling beneath a bridge, like, say the one in San Fransisco, and a NY cab is caught up in it and...
Spiderman is holding onto a little girl...I know this sounds odd but yeah!
Overall I loved the whole thing from word selection to the scene changes. Greak work!
This sounded like it had a lot to say, but there was only one problem - I couldn't really understand it. Now maybe that's just because I'm distracted and my brain isnt processing imagery right now, lol, but I think it should be trimmed a little and perhaps have some of the repetition cut out so that it's easier to follow. You should probably also work on the flow; with your line breaks and lengths as they are, the poem reads quite choppily which makes it hard to keep track of your train of thought. My suggestion would be to streamline your line length a little bit more and try reading it out loud to help smooth it out a bit.
Overall, however, I quite liked it
Cheers,
~bubbles