I stood there a boy
Earlier I had stood there a girl
Later a man
A lamb was drenched in lemon yellow paint
It made a sound, rumbling from the earth like the mountain that fell on my father
He tried to lift the sky too high
I think.
I told the lamb that she smelled like God
Bleach, sweat, and cotton candy breath
A sound rumbled from deep in her throat but somehow I understood,
That I was quite silly for saying so
Clouds are always suns and vise versa
Not a God at all.
I find myself quite familiar with fake gods,
A deceit that I myself often committed when I was a girl.
Stomping on ants
Mother scolded me for my ego
Believing I could rule over a race that had more wits
In their little antennas than I had
Contained in my vast gray matter.
But what was then a girl, was now a boy
My thoughts were wisps of clouds which were huffed into the nostrils of the yellow rift in the universe
Our brains melded together
Pure bliss.
She scoffed at my nativity
Stupid boy, still crying for his mother and rolling the moon into a ball
Both at the same time.
The boy that is me can see into the future
When I became a man, holding a tree in the palm of my hand,
Fragile and delicate,
I ventured into the maw.
Darkness licked my chin
The sapling weeped green ooze from between my clenched fingers
I weeped too, for we are both eternally victims
The same system of oppression that will make my son smile will bring my daughter to her knees.
My parents would tell me when I was only a collection of cells
That they would love me forever and help me claw the sky
Clutch clouds between my palms with adoration
Would bring me to meet each of the gods
I didn’t know until I was a girl
Then a boy
And finally a man
They were as lost as I am.
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140,830 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Wow! This is really interesting. Your wording is very well done. You make the reading feel only the poem, nothing else in the moment they are reading. This is easy to follow, and fun to read.
Only one little critique:
Its a little vague, but I think that is your point. Let the reader interpret what they thing the meaning is, and not just to say it straight out.
I also live this part, not just because of the way its written, but how correct you are.
"Stomping on ants
Mother scolded me for my ego
Believing I could rule over a race that had more wits
In their little antennas than I had"
The human race is very capable of believing that because of the technology and advancements they have made, that they are the superior species. Not in any way, shape, or form is this true. I love how you stated that there. Simply Beautiful!
Like the other reviewer said, Im not quite sure of the meaning, but have an Idea of it, and I think that id why I love this poem so much.
Keep on Writing! You have a talent for such beautiful works of art called poetry!
-abachmann
Thanks so much for reviewing! Frankly, I'm not even quite sure what I meant when I wrote it lol
hiya! I'm just passing by with a review!
this is an incredibly interesting poem that you've created here. I've never seen or read anything quite like it and I adore it! There's a masterful use of imagery to describe what you've imagined in writing this poem. I love the continuous and unorthodox format here where many lines were seemingly written to emphasize what the preceding lines were trying to say.
I am a little unclear on the entire message though I'm fairly sure that I have a general idea of it but other then that, I don't have many other comments or critiques. This is a really well written poem! Well done! I hope to see more of your works in the future!
~Mack
Thanks for reading%uD83D%uDE0A
hiya! I'm just passing by with a review!
this is an incredibly interesting poem that you've created here. I've never seen or read anything quite like it and I adore it! There's a masterful use of imagery to describe what you've imagined in writing this poem. I love the continuous and unorthodox format here where many lines were seemingly written to emphasize what the preceding lines were trying to say.
I am a little unclear on the entire message though I'm fairly sure that I have a general idea of it but other then that, I don't have many other comments or critiques. This is a really well written poem! Well done! I hope to see more of your works in the future!
~Mack
hiya! I'm just passing by with a review!
this is an incredibly interesting poem that you've created here. I've never seen or read anything quite like it and I adore it! There's a masterful use of imagery to describe what you've imagined in writing this poem. I love the continuous and unorthodox format here where many lines were seemingly written to emphasize what the preceding lines were trying to say.
I am a little unclear on the entire message though I'm fairly sure that I have a general idea of it but other then that, I don't have many other comments or critiques. This is a really well written poem! Well done! I hope to see more of your works in the future!
~Mack