I stood there a boy
Earlier I had stood there a girl
Later a man
A lamb was drenched in lemon yellow paint
It made a sound, rumbling from the earth like the mountain that fell on my father
He tried to lift the sky too high
I told the lamb that she smelled like God
Bleach, sweat, and cotton candy breath
A sound rumbled from deep in her throat but somehow I understood,
That I was quite silly for saying so
Clouds are always suns and vise versa
Not a God at all.
I find myself quite familiar with fake gods,
A deceit that I myself often committed when I was a girl.
Stomping on ants
Mother scolded me for my ego
Believing I could rule over a race that had more wits
In their little antennas than I had
Contained in my vast gray matter.
But what was then a girl, was now a boy
My thoughts were wisps of clouds which were huffed into the nostrils of the yellow rift in the universe
Our brains melded together
She scoffed at my nativity
Stupid boy, still crying for his mother and rolling the moon into a ball
Both at the same time.
The boy that is me can see into the future
When I became a man, holding a tree in the palm of my hand,
Fragile and delicate,
I ventured into the maw.
Darkness licked my chin
The sapling weeped green ooze from between my clenched fingers
I weeped too, for we are both eternally victims
The same system of oppression that will make my son smile will bring my daughter to her knees.
My parents would tell me when I was only a collection of cells
That they would love me forever and help me claw the sky
Clutch clouds between my palms with adoration
Would bring me to meet each of the gods
I didn’t know until I was a girl
Then a boy
And finally a man
They were as lost as I am.