Naive Spirit - Nov. 10, 2016
A naive girl
dancing in the meadows,
stepping on all the beautiful flowers;
not knowing–smiling.
Crushing all the stems and petals in the way,
not even looking back at all the pain that
she caused.
A free spirit,
but a clueless, ignorant, and stupid one.
Oblivious to all around,
causing harm at every corner
but never noticing
until it's too late;
all the flowers have died
and she has drowned in her own tears
with regret, sadness, sorrow-
but she never learns.
… Idiot.
Trying to grow up too soon - Feb. 8, 2024
Too young
I tried to embody the sensuality
Of a woman
Trading the scent of sweet florals
For bourbon vanilla–a scent I’ve grown bored of
I grew, but I grew bitter
Lost in a cloud fueled with pure hatred
Screaming at the stars just to be, maybe, heard
And changed all that I could in attempts to run
From the girl in the album books
Whose eyes were stained with innocence, an idiot, I would say
But now I look back in regret and empathy
Wishing I let myself stay a child for a little longer
Instead of searching for myself
In all the wrong places
Tambo here, dropping in for a review!
WOW!
This poem left me speechless. I loved how you combined to poems together, that’s something I would never think of.
I also wanted to add that this part of the poem*
“A free spirit,
but a clueless, ignorant, and stupid one.”
*Reminds me of my younger sister.
I thought that this was such a unique and amazing poem.
10/10
Ok that’s all from me, bye.
Tambo here, dropping in for a review!
WOW!
This poem left me speechless. I loved how you combined to poems together, that’s something I would never think of.
I also wanted to add that this part of the poem*
“A free spirit,
but a clueless, ignorant, and stupid one.”
*Reminds me of my younger sister.
I thought that this was such a unique and amazing poem.
10/10
Ok that’s all from me, bye.
Tambo here, dropping in for a review!
WOW!
This poem left me speechless. I loved how you combined to poems together, that’s something I would never think of.
I also wanted to add that this part of the poem*
“A free spirit,
but a clueless, ignorant, and stupid one.”
*Reminds me of my younger sister.
I thought that this was such a unique and amazing poem.
10/10
Ok that’s all from me, bye.
Incredible poem! The contrast between the first and second, being lost in your youth vs trying to escape it too soon, created a fascinating dichotomy to leave the reader pondering.
As far as the technical stuff goes, I saw no errors. The structure was nice, and everything flowed very smoothly.
The imagery was done beautifully, with the meadow and the flowers in that first poem. It created a vivid picture for the mind. Then the sensory details of the second poem really built things up, not only drawing the reader in further but also providing a great metaphor for childishness and maturity:
Trading the scent of sweet florals
For bourbon vanilla–a scent I’ve grown bored of
Wishing I let myself stay a child for a little longer
Instead of searching for myself
In all the wrong places
Hi, I'm here to write a little review :3
Firstly I just want to say that it's such a cool idea to write poems eight years apart on themes of youth and aging. You can really see how your writing style has changed and developed!
I'm unsure whether these poems are linked - is the narrator from the second the same girl from the first just older? Even if they are separate I like that the themes flow between them and there is some kind of sense of narrative.
I LOVE the first poem, the angry tone of the narrator at the girl's blissful youth, unaware of the pain she's causing. It's really shocking to see this normally romanticised youthful image of dancing around in the flowers explored from a much darker perspective. The last line "… Idiot." is so effective too, really showing this narrator's bitterness towards the girl. I am intrigued as to who this narrator is, are they so bitter towards this girl because they have lost that blissful ignorance of youth? Did they also cause lots of harm in their enjoyment of life and are angry that she is doing the same? The themes you explore in this poem are really powerful, and work so effectively in the context of the pair, written years apart.
The second poem is so powerful too, the different form, narrator's perspective and even the language used really show how the girl has aged (assuming its one narrative - even if it's two completely separate poems it still show show much your writing has changed). The bitterness and turmoil of this woman's thoughts is very clear, and powerfully portrayed through the contrasting imagery of youth and adulthood.
It reminds me of one of my favourite poems: 'To my Nine-Year-Old self' by Helen Dunmore
I could honestly make this review twice as long because I have so much to say about your two beautiful poems, but I'll try not to bore you!
Thank you for sharing your work, and this idea - I will definitely be trying this!
120,216 Literary Works • 649,137 Reviews
Points: 39
Reviews: 12
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