Young Writers Society

I love your choice of words. It describes what is happening in the scene, and helps envision it in my mind. Great poem.

Hi there! The moment I saw your title I knew something good was brewing. And to be honest, it truly is disorienting. I like how we all have experienced these things (hopefully not the knife in the back but If so, I pray for you) and they all feel like problems we all have. To be honest, although I love your poem, I think some things CAN be changed. But it requires an effort to get up and do it yourself. Still it is an amazing poem. Great job. Keep up the good work and have fun!
Your fellow writer,
Book

There is a lot of meaning in the poem. I think it just needs a little more detail, but it's still fine without it. It's a good poem; some adjustments could help it be even better. What if you add more detail to each line? Like after the "The broken chain of a porch swing" you put in a little detail about the swing? The color of the swing, how it broke maybe, or something about the chain.
Or if that's not what you were going for, you could add some memory about each item. Who's the ghost lingering in the corner of the room? How did they die? What was their life like?
If that's still not what you were going for, maybe you could try having like a part that repeats after every line or so.
Or you could just keep it how it is! It's really good already!
Remember, you don't have to take my advice; it's not mandatory. After all, I'm not you, and only you know your writing!
This is amazing; you're doing great! I love all the emotion in it!
Have an amazing day/night!

Hello, First off for such a short poem you really give a sense of place. The little details you give paint such a picture in a way that to me felt very gritty and dark in a good way. I do wonder if you could break up the lines starting with The by layering a line between them.

If it's okay I might give an example of what I mean and by no means do you need to take it.
" The single crooked painting on the wall.
Why do you dwell so much?
The remnants of water in unexpected places
why do you dwell so much? "

Then in the end perhaps simply put some things don't, change straight at the end after the repeating would make it pop. I feel that repeating would give it more of a feeling of someone going through memories trying to see if anything could have been different.

Regardless You did very well keep writing.

Woahhhh, short and simple but so powerful and meaningful! It’s so cool how you gave so many examples and the emotion in the poem is really…dismal almost and gives vibes that the character or narrator is feeling hopeless and like nothing matters in the world-depressed. But also, wise and like they’ve lived for thousands and thousands of years and they know nothing will ever change and things will stay the same as they always have. People will always breathe, talk and live, trees will always sway in the wind and humans will always never be perfect. Wonderful work-very insightful!