[NOTE: The italicised paragraph is what appears at the end of Chapter 34 in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The following is how I was totally expecting the ending to be. I apologize in advance for the epilouge-ish paragraph; I wasn't quite sure how to end it.]
Voldemort had raised his wand. His head was tilted to one side, like a curious child, wondering what would happen if he proceeded. Harry looked back into the red eyes, and wanted it to happen now, quickly, while he could still stand, before he lost control, before he betrayed fear--
"STOP!"
Harry turned around to locate the source of the sound. Out of the woods came members of Dumbledore's Army: Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Cho, and several others, all with their wands raised. Harry was stunned. Hadn't he come into the forest with the Invisibility Cloak on? He was sure that no one had see him enter the forest.
"I heard someone talking in the forest," said Ginny, as if answering his question. "It sounded an awful lot like you, Harry, and I knew that you were going to meet Voldemort. So I rounded up as many DA members as I could, and we came here to fight with you."
"You don't understand!" Harry shouted back. "I have to do this on my own! 'Neither can live while the other survives'!"
"SILENCE!" shouted Voldemort. Turning to Harry, he said, "If your friends wish to witness your death, let them stay. In fact, let's give them a very intimate experience."
Voldemort scanned the faces of the DA members, his wand at the ready. His red slit-eyes rested on Ron, who, despite having a hardened face and stature, was overcome with a sense of fear he had never known before. Voldemort smirked, pointed his wand at Ron, and shouted, "Imperio!"
Ron jerked into a stiff, standing position. Hermione noticed a blank look in his eyes, and turned to the rest of the DA. "He's under the Imperius Curse!" she shouted. "He has no control over what he's doing! He's... he's..." Hermione burst into tears, unable to say anymore. She ran into Ginny's arms, her shoulders heaving with every sob.
Voldemort shot a sideways glance and Harry, and grinned. "Now then, boy," he said to Ron. "What sort of show shall we put on for Potter?" With a flick of the wand, Ron turned to the forest and shouted, "Accio!" From the depths of the forest, several woodland creatures flew toward Ron and landed at his feet. Ron cast various spells on the creatures, making them do things like flips, handstands, and twirls. If the situation weren't so dire, Harry would have found humor in these little animals. As it was, Harry knew it was a matter of time before --
"Avada Kedavra!"
A flash of green light burst from Ron's wand, and three of the woodland creatures fell dead. The others shrieked and ran back into the forest, only to be met with their own green light and demise.
Ron then turned toward Harry, and Harry saw, for the first time, the blank look in his friend's eyes. Ron didn't appear to be himself; he stared into Harry's eyes without really seeing anything, he had no control over his actions, and if he could give any hint of independance, he surely would have indicated it to Harry. But Ron was under no control over himself. He would do Voldemort's bidding without question and without fighting back.
Voldemort's voice brought Harry back to his surroundings. "I would love to be able to do this on my own," he said, "but I'm sure I would get much more enjoyment out of watching your best friend do it." Voldemort flicked his wand, and Ron pointed the tip of his to Harry's scar. His scar had never burned with this intensity before, and Harry knew that he was about to be killed by his best friend. With tears welling in his eyes from both the pain of his scar and his impending death, Harry braced himself for the inevitable.
"Avada Kedavra!"
A flash of green light blinded everyone present, and as they gained their sight back, they could see Harry still standing. No one breathed as they watched Harry's body slowly crumple and fall to the ground. Neville's eyes went from Harry's limp and lifeless body to Voldemort's satisfied grin.
"That will be all," said Voldemort, and with a final flick of his wrist, Ron also fell to the ground. Voldemort turned and beckoned his Death Eaters. "Come," he said. "Let's finish the rest of them."
Neville's blood began to boil, and in a fit of rage, he pointed his wand at Voldemort's back and shouted, "STUPEFY!" Voldemort fell to the ground, and, after lying on the ground for several moments, shakily got to his feet.
Neville broke from the rest of the DA and stormed over to Voldemort, casting Stunning Spells every step of the way. Voldemort continuted to be flung back to the ground, getting weaker with every spell thrown at him. Voldemort raised his wand to fire back, but Neville quickly disarmed him, and cast another Stunning Spell. Voldemort was too weakened to rise, and Neville saw his opportunity. "Crucio!" Neville shouted, and Voldemort tensed up and cried out at the extremity of the pain.
"I don't understand," shouted Voldemort through clenched teeth. "Why am I not resisting these spells?"
"Because," Neville shouted back, "Harry was the final Horcrux, the final part of your soul left. By killing him, you've only killed yourself."
"But the prophecy --"
"-- has been fulfilled. AVADA KEDAVRA!"
A flash of green light, and Voldemort's body flew through the forest, and with a sickening crack, flew into a tree, and crumpled on the ground. Neville, breathing hard, turned to the Death Eaters, who stood in their spot in a stunned silence. He made his way through the crowd and returned to the members of the DA, who were crowded around Harry and Ron's bodies. Ron twitched and slowly sat up.
"Wha, what happened?" he asked. "The last I remember is... HARRY!"
"Harry's dead," said Neville. "You killed him under the Imperius Curse."
Ron was stunned. "But... but I can't have..."
"It was the only way to defeat Voldemort. He could have done it himself, but he got a sick sense of enjoyment making you do it. It's okay, Ron, you had no control, but the fact remains, Harry is dead, and because of it, Voldemort is, too."
Ron was surprised at the bluntness of Neville's statement, but as the reality sank in, Ron could not contain his grief anymore. He flung himself onto Harry's lifeless body and cried harder than he ever had before. Hermione, who had just stopped crying, started up again as she went to pull Ron off of Harry's body. Hagrid, who was still chained up, softly began to cry. Neville turned to Hagrid and unchained him. Hagrid walked over to Harry's body and picked it up.
"Come on," said Neville. "We have to tell the others."
Neville led Hagrid and the rest of the DA out of the forest and onto the school grounds. The throngs of Death Eaters and Order members were still gathering their respective dead, and they all stopped and looked at the approaching DA members. Silence fell over the grounds, and Neville held his wand to his throat.
"Attention everyone," said Neville, his voice amplified by his wand. "There is some terrible news I feel I must share with you. Harry Potter is dead."
Some of the Death Eaters cheered at the news. Neville quickly silenced them as he continued.
"However, Harry did not die at the hand of Voldemort. Our very own Ron Weasley was put under the Imperius Curse, and was forced to perform the deed that the coward Voldemort could not do himself. Do not judge Ron; in order to defeat Voldemort, Harry had to die, and because of Harry's death, Voldemort lies dead against a tree in the forest. So do not mourn Harry's death; rather, celebrate your freedom from Voldemort's rule."
The members of Hogwarts began to cheer, and the Death Eaters slunk back into the shadows. Hagrid carried Harry's body to the rows of others who had died in the fight, and laid him at the front.
Several years passed, and the wizarding world was back on its feet. Harry's sacrifice was not forgotten, and his portrait now hangs in the Great Hall, providing the incoming students a role model of excellence, courage, and sacrifice.
This story i liked the real one better but this one feels really strange because you did not mention nagina that was supposed to be killed before harry Potter and harry was suppose to kind of resserect right? But it was really creative of you to come up with such an intresting story
I liked it a lot--even enough to say that I loved it. Your voice sounded almost identical to JK's, and I think that your ending is more in her style than the actual ending. I really enjoyed reading this but I found that, like others, Neville's reaction to Harry's death was a bit flat. And I liked the paragraph at the end, it sort of summed it all up to one final conclusion.
Would Neville ever use the unforgivable curses, even if it was Voldemort he was against? I personally think that he might not have, though given the circumstances he might.
Some of the parts were a little awkward, but I loved it. Keep writing.
Did I miss something or did you forget about Nagini?
I think the only other thing that hasn't been trawled over by the others is the fact that no-one does anything while Ron has his little massacre of wood-things etc.
The ending lacked the drama and panache of Rowling's, there was far, far more symbolism to be found in the original, and I prefered the more creative twist on "neither can live while the other survives."
Rubric
Just out of interest, if all the horcruxes had been destroyed at this point, what happened to Nagini? She only died after Harry was shown dead.
I agree with the others, show a little emotion from the characters. It's all a little bit flat.
The ending seems a little bit hastened, doesn't it? Let's see more input from the other characters - what happens to them with these events?
Apart from that, I really liked it. No noticable spelling or grammar nitpickings that haven't been picked up... And I always imagined that Neville would be the one to kill Voldy 
defintiely has some heavy potential. One i have to say besides the nevelle deal, everyone had no emotion while heromoine was just a giant crying machine. You need to put more emphasis on everyone and everything that is happening, as well as that littel epilogue at the end. What happened with everyone?
But i like and will look forward to more. Keeep writing.
I really liked this, it was almost like something Rowling would do. As others have said, Neville seemed too unaffected and indifferent to Harry's death, although I liked Ron's reaction when he learned that his friend had died at his hands. I really liked your 'Harry' characterisation, you totally perfected his need to do things alone and protect his friends. Just to make it even better, you could try giving the other characters more emotion, show us how Harry dying affects them.
Just one bit I didn't find believable, I don't think Voldemort would have let the others live, or at the very least have been careless enough to turn and walk away from them when there was a possibility they would try to harm him, it just seemed a little convenient that Neville was able to Stupefy him.
Anyway, good story, keep writing.
I think the overall concept was a good idea. It was a wonderful piece but you could change a few things.
Like the others have stated, Neville is too unaffected by Harry's death. They weren't the closest, but they were still friends. He should have, at least, shouted 'No!' or something to that nature.
Ginny loved Harry. She also played a big role in a lot of the scenes. It seemed as though you made her an extra. A character that was just there.
Like Ginny, Hermione had a very small role in this ending of yours. I agree that she shouldn't have stated the obvious. They've seen it too many times.
It was a wonderful piece to read. Though there were some parts that didn't seem right, it was a good piece.
Hey! This was not how I expected it to end. Ron killing Harry *cries*
Well, anyway, I didn't find it too believable. Right here:
""He's under the Imperius Curse!" she shouted. "He has no control over what he's doing!"
I think that the kids have seen this curse used WAY too many times to need a definition of what the Imperius Curse is.
And when Harry died...no one seemed horribly upset because it happened so fast. I think that you could hae added SO much more description.
Well, good job!
BBB
I liked this, it's something along the lines of what I expected to happen.
I agree that quoting the prophecy at this point doesn't really work.
I loved the sixth paragraph. I think you really captured Voldemort's character there.
I'm not sure about the woodland creatures, I think it's too small. I know you wanted to show how Ron was under the curse before he killed Harry. I might try having him curse Ginny or Hermione or oen of the others, (I named those two as it would probably be the cruelest, given that he's closest to those two.)as it just seems like the sort of sadistic thing that would be done.
I'd change "But Ron was under no control over himself" to "But Ron had no control over himself."
I love the next four paragraphs, I really wouldn't haev been surprised at something like that.
I'm not sure about Neville performing the cruciatus curse on Voldemort, it seems like too much and I don't think Neville was cruel enough to do it. Maybe try something else. I'm also not sure about the exchange between Neville and Voldemort. I'm not sure that the latter would want to show weakness by asking questions of a teenager given the circumstances.
I agree that Neville would probably be more emotional, and I don't think he'd say that it was Ron...it just didn't seem right...
I loved the last two paragraphs, they were really effective. Overall, I really enjoyed this piece and thought that, for the most part, it was very believable as an ending.
Mmmmm....
I liked the ending of the seventh one, but I HATED the epilogue! So terrible! Ew! Disgusting!
FAVORITE BOOKS IN THE WORLD.
This ending was really what I imagined JK Rowling to write, (though without Harry's death), so kudos on that. I repeat all the others--Neville needs to be more emotional, more weak. And, I mean, common now--this is an extremely good piece, but will not qualify for the seventh book.
I loved it overall. Entertaining, intriguing, original....nice job.
I thought it was well-written, but not really in the exact same style as J.K. Rowling.
And if you're going to improve it (which i hope you will, as i think this has a lot of potential, especially the ron-killing-harry storyline, that was a nice twist), i think you'd have to include a bit more detail about the other characters and put a bit more emotion into them. So having Ginny shout no or cry or something like Berrylique suggests and the other characters reacting similarly. Plus, in my opinion, Neville was a bit out of character as he's always been a bit more of a (and i say this lovingly) a pathetic dork. A pathetic dork that we love, but i still think he would have been a little more upset at Harry's death rther than reacting to it so coldly.
I like Harry dying though as i think it was a bit of a cheat that he didn't die in the book.
shouldn't ron defend himself from the imperius curse?
and i agreed with writingluver and RED about Neville. He was too calm, and i think you should have him cry a few tears.
Ginny should have shouted 'NO!' or something when she saw that Harry was dead. I thought she loved Harry?
Sorry, but i still preferred the Deathly Hallows. 
I agree with writingluver. And about Neville. He would have been more emotional at Harry's death, I think. And the part about Ron killing Harry, even under the Imperious Curse? No. I just think that would've totally ruined the book. I loved the style you put into the writing, just not really the story itself. But, then again, I loved the ending to HP7, too. So, I am, as well, biased.
Other than that though, it was a good piece of writing, I just think it's content was a little off.
xoxo
-Caitlin
No, no, no! *shakes head emphatically* I LOVED the ending to Deathly Hallows!!!!!
Sorry, just my biased self. 
magicman wrote:And as for Ron killing Harry, it doesn't really make sense. Throughout the novel Voldemort makes it clear that he will be the one to finish Harry. And then all of a sudden he goes and changes his mind? If you're going to rewrite the ending, please stay on par with the rest of the story.
I totally agree about Neville, and to a great extent the others, seeming emotionless and not filled with the grief they surely would have felt. One part of the plot confuses me; Neville was never told that Harry was the final horcrux. The only people who knew this fact were Dumbledore, Snape and then Harry himself.
As Harry never told them earlier in your alternate ending, they would not know that his death had to come to secure the death of the dark lord.
On a side note, I like how Harry died - when all the other horcruxes were destroyed the objects that held them were also destroyed. Yet, in the novel when Harry was "destroyed" he returned in tact moments later, it didn't seem to follow on.
Otherwise, extremely entertaining mate. Enjoyed it a lot.
I disagree, the voice was off in some places, specifically here:
He was sure that no one could see him enter the forest
"You don't understand!" Harry shouted back. "I have to do this on my own! 'Neither can live while the other survives'!"
His red slit-eyes rested on Ron, who, despite having a hardened face and stature, was overcome with a sense of fear he had never known before.
"He's under the Imperius Curse!" she shouted. "He has no control over what he's doing! He's... he's..." Hermione burst into tears, unable to say anymore. She ran into Ginny's arms, her shoulders heaving with every sob.
How could anyone not notice that? And everyone also already knows what the Imperius curse does, so tell me again why Hermione is stating the obvious? Basically, this whole piece of dialogue is irrelevant. And really, it wouldn't be like Hermione to crack under pressure, even when concerning Ron. I mean, he isn't dead, he just has a curse on him.With a flick of the wand, Ron turned to the forest and shouted, "Accio!" From the depths of the forest, several woodland creatures flew toward Ron and landed at his feet. Ron cast various spells on the creatures, making them do things like flips, handstands, and twirls. If the situation weren't so dire, Harry would have found humor in these little animals. As it was, Harry knew it was a matter of time before --
Personally, I think it's better without the epilogue at the end; the epilogue just waters out a really powerful peace. I loved it, but I figure you'll want some criticism on how to make it better, so here goes:
Neville seems too unaffected by Harry's death, too emotionless. Maybe you could add some tears for him or make him a little more cheery and encouraging for Ron after Ron finds out he's killed Harry. Also, the Death Eaters seem to disappear from the picture for awhile, then reappear just to slink off into the shadows. Perhaps you could have them leave earlier or maybe they could fight back for their master's revenge. Also, it seems as though the remaining students take Harry's death too happily; remember, they like him, so even though Voldemort's dead, they'll be saddened by the loss, not cheering.
Otherwise, it was really good. The way you did the description made it sound a lot like, if not exactly like, JK Rowling's voice. Good job 
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